To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

FourLetterWurdz
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To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

Unread post by FourLetterWurdz »

I need to get this out somewhere - I feel like a place for pets is probably the best place. You guys will understand.

This is Spice, aka fuzz butt, fur, spurf. http://i.imgur.com/J1ov52s.jpg

I lost her June 7th, 2013. She is, and was my entire world for 15 years. I don't exactly feel like words will ever exactly express what she meant to me, or did for me. The best I can hope to do is try and piece it together for others to understand. I don't exactly know what happen, but she kept going through strange attacks where she couldn't breathe. She had a very, very hard time her last day on this planet. She stayed by me, trying to keep going. I kept her company through all of it. She had been my rock for so long, I wanted to at least try to do what she did for me, for so many years. I held her against me while she passed. I will never forget how ungodly horrible it was. I've never felt somethings energy just drain, until that moment. The only peace I had was being there for her in her last moments; being there for her as she was for me. The last look I got from her is engraved into my memory. Sweet, somber, almost knowing. I've felt like I've been walking around with a bullet wound for the better part of the last few months. I can't seem to fill it, mend it, or whatever it is people do to get by. I'm just stuck with a hole. So, here's my ode to my beautiful girl.

Spice, I rescued you when I was 6 years old. I wanted a cat so desperately. I wasn't expecting you at all. You really did come out of nowhere. We didn't always get along, but the older we grew, we also grew closer. You taught me boundaries. You taught me affection. You taught me how to love unconditionally, without judgement. You we're my sanity through thick and thin. Even in the darkest times of my life thus far, you were my light at the end of the tunnel. You were always there. When all I needed was a hug, and no one else could be bothered, you were there. I never felt alone. I had you, and you had me. You were not just simply a cat. You were my world. My best friend. My heart has been shattered since the day you left. I've been trying to piece myself together but I can't do it. I miss you meowing at my door at night. I miss you tripping me in the kitchen on my way to the fridge. I miss the way you used to beg for food (you know, take what you wanted off my plate!). I miss having my head warmer at night. I miss my back massages. I miss getting my feet swatted at from under the bed. I miss you sitting on my lap while I play games. I even miss the gophers you would bring me. Nothing has been right since you left. You were gone, and a gaping hole opened within me. If you were still here, things wouldn't be so bad. The world wouldn't look so dark. But you see, that's something else you taught me. You taught me the world really does have good in it. No matter how dark things get, there is light and beauty somewhere within it. You just have to look, and open your eyes. Accept what you've got in front of you, and make the best of it. I accepted you, as you accepted me. You were my beauty. My light. I will never, ever forget that. You taught me more than anyone ever will about life, and the oddities within it. I will always love you. You are my kitty. My sanity. My world.

But, with all this in mind. I have the opportunity to share the love I gained through Spice. There is an adult cat at the shelter here in desperate need of a home. The adoption papers have been signed. This is Mynah. http://i.imgur.com/SeOPfid.jpg She will have her forever home soon, and know the love I have to share. As soon as she's spayed, she'll be here. I look forward to the lessons she'll teach me. It goes without saying, every animal is different, and has its own personality. I can't wait to see what this girl has in store for me. I look forward to sharing what I can offer her, and vise versa. She will be loved, and I can't wait to show her that.

Love lives on. It doesn't end.
Falcon
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Re: To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

Unread post by Falcon »

This is absolutely beautiful, and as someone else who's lost a beloved pet, it takes a while for the initial pain to pass. My Shih Tzu I practically grew up with, China, had to be put down six years ago, and it still hurts to think about her. I know Spice is smiling down on you right now for choosing to adopt Mynah, and though it can be hard to accept another pet at first after a loss, it's a big help in the healing process since you're bringing in another life to help fill the void left by the one who passed.

Pets are so much more than 'just a cat' or 'just a dog'. Pets are our children, and it makes me sad that not everyone sees them this way. But remember: Spice will never be replaced. There's always room inside the heart for another pet after the first has passed even though it can feel like guilt at first. Good luck to you and Mynah, and I hope you two have many happy years together. :)
FourLetterWurdz
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Re: To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

Unread post by FourLetterWurdz »

Mynah is home!!! The pictures don't do her justice. She's pretty literally, the cat version of Toothless! She's been hiding a lot, but that's expected. I absolutely LOVE her. She's so calm, and mellow. It's almost unusual. I haven't seen a cat so mellow in my life. http://i.imgur.com/tyrlr7U.jpg I was really worried about her getting along with my dog, but she's completely un-phased. She really is perfect. She's been coming out around 8pm every night to explore and say hi!
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Wain
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Re: To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

Unread post by Wain »

That was a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it. I know how painful it must have been to live through it, and then live through it again when you had to write it.

I'm so glad your new cat is settling in so well. It sounds like she's making it easy on you :)
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Vlentana
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Re: To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

Unread post by Vlentana »

It's funny, I've come to learn that you don't adopt pets, they adopt you. Cats are very much this but I think they are the best companions (my girlfriend would say dogs are).
FourLetterWurdz
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Re: To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

Unread post by FourLetterWurdz »

Wain - It was hard. I spent most of the day in tears. I sat down late after everyone went to bed to write it. It needed to be said, and I feel better for voicing myself about the situation. However! The fuzzball has almost turned into a demon cat. I love her to pieces, but good lord I can tell she's "home". She went exploring the other night, and found herself in the attic. We could hear her rampaging up there, no idea what she was doing. Got to the garage in time to watch her fall through a ceiling tile. Luckily, she landed in a clear spot. Definitely freaked her out though. She's been in hiding all day again. We managed to get her out, and at least, back into my room so she can't get back into the attic. She's QUITE the jumper. She still seems a little on edge with my dog, but not enough to totally wig out. She just gets up to higher ground - I'll be looking into a kitty perch here soon to help alleviate our problem, here.

Vlentana - I can probably say at this point, she's adopted me. She was supposed to be a family cat. She's been spending most of her time in my room, where her box and food have been moved to. It's been interesting since I have my dogs stuff in here too! I have a little zoo! I'm hopeful she'll socialize soon and be more a part of the family, though! I feel like both cats and dogs have different things to offer. I can't really say which I prefer. I miss both if one's gone for some reason.
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Wain
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Re: To the one I lost, and the one I've gained

Unread post by Wain »

FourLetterWurdz wrote:Got to the garage in time to watch her fall through a ceiling tile. Luckily, she landed in a clear spot. Definitely freaked her out though.
Hilarious :) Sounds like she is gonna be a handful.
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