The Raid

[Saturo]

I've seen a lot of these pop up over time. Very few are successful. I'm hoping mine will be successful enough to survive longer than a week.
It's basically like Razor Hill.
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You're a Gnome Warrior. Your name is Katoonf. Apparently, your dad lost a bar bet when he was young. You got recruited into this raid by the dwarven paladin Mighthammer. You don't know his real name. You do, however remember him. He tried singing outside the Ironforge Auction House once. He was also drunk.

You stand in front of a REALLY big gate. You don't know where you are. Instead of running over here, like everyone else did, you had a few beers in the local tavern. The others apparently forced a warlock to get you here. In fact, he's standing a few yards away from you. He's glaring menacingly.

To your left you can see some roots. Looking up, you see some sort of tree. To your right you can see a hoof. Looking up, you see a Draenei staring at you. He's obviously not liking your purple armor. Apparently, spray-painting your pants wasn't such a good idea. Neither was leaving the rest of your gear next to the pants while painting.

A dwarven voice yells something sounding like "Charge!", tough you're not sure. It could've said "Churje!" too. Mmh... Some churje would taste delicious right now. While you were thinking, everyone else apparently already left. The dwarven voice is yelling profanities and your name now. At least you think it's profanities. Maybe you should head inside before someone throws something at you...

[Kalliope]

> Wonder why you should help this drunk of a dwarf. You don't owe him anything!
> Look around outside the gate to see if you can figure out where you are.

((Yeah, mine fell flat on its face, but it served its purpose. Yay for you!))

[Saturo]

> Wonder why you should help this drunk of a dwarf. You don't owe him anything!

Well, you don't technically owe the guy anything. But it sounded fun, didn't it? Well... Now that you think about it...

> Look around outside the gate to see if you can figure out where you are.

You're in a desert. In front of you (West) are two big gates. There's a sand dune to the north of you. There's a sand dune to the east of you. There's a sand dune to the south too. In the distance you can hear a dwarf screaming profanities, and the sound of big bugs making clicking noises.

((Yeah, mine fell flat on its face, but it served its purpose. Yay for you!))

((It worked great. It was just those bastards that didn't post in it.))

[Kalliope]

> Check gear/inventory to make sure you have proper raiding supplies.
> Check mount list to see if you have the red one.

((Maybe I should revive mine here, restricting the copies to the relevant posts....I really was looking forward to finishing it, despite it only being an exercise in breaking writer's block. xD))

[Saturo]

> Check gear/inventory to make sure you have proper raiding supplies.

Your inventory contains:
1 [Slightly smelly Hearthstone] You don't remember how this got so stinky...
1 [Reins of the Bronze Drake] You've been saving up for Artisan riding for quite a while now... It's just... Churje is so yummy...
3 [Heavy Frostweave Bandages] These are in case you hurt yourself... Which you tend to...
4 [Pygmy Oil] You can't remember buying these...

> Check mount list to see if you have the red one.

You open your mount list.
[Red Mechanostrider] Slow. Also explosive.
[Swift Green Mechanostrider] Slightly faster, and much more explosive!
[Tawny Windrider] Well, what can you say... You are closer to Exalted with Thrallmar than Honor Hold. They didn't like your... Surprise...

[Dragonpuff]

> May as well see what's going on. Head towards all the noise, but go slowly. Don't want to trip over your own feet too much.

[Saturo]

> May as well see what's going on. Head towards all the noise, but go slowly. Don't want to trip over your own feet too much.

Oh trust me, you have never tripped over your own feet. Well, there was that one time...

You decide to head to towards the noise, and you walk very carefully.
You reach another large gate. You can hear noice down the corridor.

[Kalliope]

> Check beast tracking, even though you're pretty sure those stupid bugs are still untrackable.
> Check humanoid tracking to see if there's any friendly NPCs around.
> Search your minimap for the ever-helpful raid member bubbles to see if you're getting close.
> Wonder why you don't have an engineering mount.

[Saturo]

> Check beast tracking, even though you're pretty sure those stupid bugs are still untrackable.

You check your trackings for Track Beast. It's missing! Oh no! Oh wait... I'm a warrior. All you see in the list are the boring old trackings you've NEVER needed. You have:
Find Fish
Find Inkeepers
Find Repair
Find food
Find ammo.

You decide to put Find Fish on. It's the closest you get to tracking beasts.

> Check humanoid tracking to see if there's any friendly NPCs around.

You look for this too. Disappointed, you leave Find Fish on.

> Search your minimap for the ever-helpful raid member bubbles to see if
you're getting close.

You see three dots, apparently under you. One brown, one orange and one pink. You decide to enter the Second Gate. You are in a dark room. There is a staircase leading downwards here. Find Fish is empty.

> Wonder why you don't have an engineering mount.

You don't have the mind to operate such a vehicle. You did try engineering once, but all that shooting from range was a bit too much finesse for you. Your tactics usually involve rushing the enemy wielding a huge mace.

[Kalliope]

> Wonder why you're not carrying beast/humanoid tracking foods. Not much shows up on Track Fish, so you often feel lonely.
> Bemoan your lack of rocket boots. After all, you ARE a gnome.

[Saturo]

> Wonder why you're not carrying beast/humanoid tracking foods. Not much shows up on Track Fish, so you often feel lonely.

Well... You have been saving up to buy that Artisan riding training... Besides, that cash totally disappeared the last time you went to the Auction House. But hey, lookig like a ninja for a short while sure beats getting something useful. Besides, last time you tried cooking, you ended up with [Charred Wolf Meat]! While you were boiling fish!

> Bemoan your lack of rocket boots. After all, you ARE a gnome.

Now that you think about it, Engineering might be useful... And rocket boots would totally complement your [Purple Platmail Armor]! You bemoan your lifechoices.

Find Fish is empty.

[Kalliope]

> Switch to Find Food because Track Fish is too depressing and besides, you're hungry.
> Go down the staircase to see if you can find something to eat.

[Saturo]

> Switch to Find Food because Track Fish is too depressing and besides, you're hungry.

Oh yeah, you are getting sort of hungry... Some churje would be quite tasty right now...
Find food is now active.
Find food is empty.

> Go down the staircase to see if you can find something to eat.

"Excellent idea, myself!", you exclaim, and run down the staircase. You are now in room with large glyphs on he walls. There is a large silithid in front of you. You can no longer see the others raidmarks on the map. What happenened to them while you were being lazy, by the way? Maybe they found some churje?! You wonder where there might be some churje.

Wait... Silithid?

[Kalliope]

> See if the silithid is friendly.
> If so, lick the silithid.
> If not, wet pants, escape artist, and run.
> GET BOAT

[Saturo]

> See if the silithid is friendly.

You give the silithid a long stare. It looks very menacing, with evil, beady eyes. It's also licking it's chops. I looks hungry. You check Find Food. It's empty.

> If so, lick the silithid.

As much as you love to lick various insects, now isn't really the time. You carefully walk up to the large beast and carefully lick the tip of it's front leg. The tip is serated.
Your health is now 85%

> If not, wet pants, escape artist, and run.

You quickly wet your pants, attempt to evade any possible traps and snares, and run blindly.
You are now in Abandoned Throne room. There are large obsidian statues in the corners of this room. Behind yourself you can hear Angry Silithid snarling. There are exits to the North, West and East.

Find food reveals Delicious Draenei Corpse ahead. You also think you can hear more silithids from the same direction.

> GET BOAT

You quickly look around. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any boats here. You remember to get the next boat you come accross.

[Kalliope]

> Nibble on the corpse. You're HUNGRY.
> Figure out which way you're facing so you know what "ahead," "behind you," and "that direction" mean.

[Saturo]

> Nibble on the corpse. You're HUNGRY.

You carelessly run up to the corpse. Uh-oh! There seems to be about three silithids eating on it. You are pretty sure stealing their food is bad news. Like REALLY bad news... You turn around, preparing to sneak away from the feasting bugs. You can't go that way. There is a Huge Silithid blocking your way.

> Figure out which way you're facing so you know what "ahead," "behind you," and "that direction" mean.

In the face of immediate danger, you pick up your compass. It seems to be going crazy. The pointers are spinning wildly. However, with the directions you've been going in lately, and the fact that the minimap most likely has north upwards, you've figured out that there is a door behind you, north in other words. There is also a Delicious Draenei Corpse in that direction. There are also exits to the West and East.

The Huge Silithid is snarling menacingly at you.

[Kalliope]

> Throw caution to the wind and run east.
> Ask in raid chat for the warlock to summon you.

[Saturo]

> Throw caution to the wind and run east.

"Excellent choice, myself!" you exclaim, and start running to the eastern exit. As you reach the exit, you get curious. You haven't heard the Huge Silithid running along behind you. You turn around, and look for it. You can see it over at the Delicious Draenei Corpse. It seems to have forced the smaller Silithids away, and is engulging itself. Huge Silithid is now Sated Huge Silithid. Eating also seems to have made it significantly faster. It only takes it seconds to run half the way to the gate you are currently standing in. Damn.

Find food reveals a Half-Eaten Delicious Draenei corpse to the west of you.

> Ask in raid chat for the warlock to summon you.

You are about to shout "NEED QUICK SUM!" when someone places a hand over your mouth and pulls you to the side. What gives!?

A Human Rogue is holding you up, pressed against the shadowy wall in Stealth. Next to you is a cat with strange markings on it's fur, also in stealth. There is a complete and utter silence as the Sated Huge Silithid cautiosuly walks past. When it decides to return to it's post by the stairs, the Rogue carefully puts you down.

You are about to silently ask the Rogue and the Druid where the others are, when the Rogue suddenly says "Do you know where the others are?"

[Kalliope]

> Bite the rogue's pinky. S/he may have saved your life, but that's no excuse for gnome mistreatment! You hate getting picked up. Especially by the ears.
> Inspect the druid to see if s/he is a useful spec, ie. tank or healer.
> Figure out why you didn't see the rogue and druid on your minimap.
> Ask them what the EFF is going on around here.