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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep - Final
Unread postPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:06 am 
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Hi people,

after Vephriel and Mania made me believe that my knowledge of the english language and my skills in bringing this knowledge to use were good enough, I decided to give it a try.

So now, for your amusement, a short story about a quest, most of you should know. This is the first story I ever started writing with the intention of publishing it. When (or maybe it is to say if) you read it, please keep in mind that english is not my native language and I apologize in advance for any strange sentences, words used incorrectly or other traps of writing I may have stepped into.

I hope you enjoy what I did because I definitely did. But now I will shut up and let you scroll down, where you may devour the fruits that sprouted in my minds strange orchard...


Last edited by Karathyriel on Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:09 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep, Part 1
Unread postPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 8:07 am 
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The red sand was hot. It not only reflected the heat from the blindingly bright sun that shone from a cloudless sky, it even seemed to have saved some of the heat of the day before and was now trying to give it back to the almost unbearably muggy air. Garath silently cursed his armour as he lifted his green Kul Tiras tabard and wiped the sweat of his face. He took a swift draught from his hipflask, making a face because of the warm and stale water and let his eyes wander around, swirling the drink in his mouth before swallowing it.
It was true, there was an orc village nearby. Razor Hill, they called it. He smiled wryly. Orcs had something about blades and axes and war that he never understood.Every man was happy to be at home in peace and they all dreaded to go to war. As far as he knew, for an orc it was all the same. They seemed to enjoy a peacefull time as much as putting on they armour, grabbing their weapons and run off to fight whoever might be ready to answer the call to war.
Orcs seemed to be strange creatures. But then, he had to admit, he never even saw one closer than half a mile. What, to be honest, did he know about them? That they have green skin and take pleasure in battling worthy opponents, that's all. Well, it was enough to look out for them as his duty was. He mentioned seeing blue skinned ones once but was laughed at and told those were trolls. He looked disgusted at the white salt stains on his tabard, that the dried sweat had left there, sighed deeply and wiped his face once again. Orcs, trolls... Who gives a damn?
He turned around as he heard a loud and sharp whistle. Sergeant Barnholm. That bastard was pointing repeatedly at his head, standing in the shadow of a crooked and dead tree. Garath understood immediately but faked to be clueless about what his superior was trying to tell him.
"Helmet, you moron!" shouted Barnholm.
"One helmet in bright sun, cooking my brains right there in my head coming right up, you dirty, mean son of a..." he whispered to himself as he unstrapped his helmet from his belt and put it on his head.
"How am I supposed to be standing guard duty when the helmet limits my vision and what little is left of it is wasted by the sweat in my eyes?" he mumbled. One day, he told himself, one day, there will be a chance for payback and he would let Barnholm pay dearly for everything he had to endure under this bastards command. But then, he was waiting for this day for over 6 years now.
His eyes wandered again through the surroundings
Red sand, scorpids and boars.That was all that was ever there. Red sand, scorpids and boars. And a boar charging right at him! He drew his sword out of its scabbard, took the shield off his back and steeled himself for the impact of that clearly mad beast. What was going on? Why did that damn critter attack him? He half kneeled and took the boars impact with his shield, then raising his sword to slay the beast with one mighty strike of his blade. He felt something hitting his chest. Before he realized what it was, he was hit again. When he looked down, two arrows seemed to be sticking in his chest. How odd, he thought, since when did boars shoot arrows? And the third bolt hitting his chest seemed to bring darkness along. Yes, it was getting dark and cold and he was getting sleepy and to lay down seemed like a good idea...

Boktor was looking around. Noone seemed to have noticed the death of that guard.He was running over to the corpse, crouching down and started to search the human body. The black boar nudged him with his nose and he smiled. "Here ya go, ya greedy bastard!" he whispered and threw an apple at the beast that he found in one of the soldiers bags. While the beast crunched and swallowed the apple, Boktor finished his search, cursing about the meager pay of Kul Tiras soldiers as he pocketed some copper coins. "One down" he thought. "One step closer on my way to this bastard, Lieutenant Benedict." He didn't exactly knew why Gar'Thok wished this Benedict dead, but pulling of this deed would bring him a lot of honor. Since his trainer only recently allowed him to leave the valley of trials and go out to seek his place within the horde, honor was something he craved for. He ruffled the boars mane and got a content grunt as an answer. "Come on, Tusk, a lot more to do before we earned our rest for today."

>>> To be continued...


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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep, Part 2
Unread postPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:18 am 
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He carefully looked around the corner and his eyes widened. So many human soldiers! Gar'Thok had told him that there were some sailors and marines that he might have to kill to get to Benedict but he never mentioned that the keep was packed wit them!
"Maybe that's what gets you the honor. That you can keep a straight face and pull it of even if they know they sent you into something that was hardly one orcs work."
He spat on the ground and took another arrow from the quiver. He looked down at Tusk which was starring back up. "You're not gonna attack unless my shot isn't fatal, got that?" Tusk looked kind of serious and gave a little grunt. "Yeah, that's what you say all the time, buddy."
Boktor nocked the bolt, strung is bow and pulled the string to his cheek. He carefully aimed for the sailors neck. When he released the arrow, he immediatly felt Tusk charging. The beast gave a wild squeal and the sailor turned around but was hit in the side of his neck before he even saw the boar. He went down on his knees and was knocked right over as Tusk hit him in the stomach.
He heard someone shout out in alarm and knew that someone had seen Tusk attacking the sailor. He quickly scanned the surroundings and saw one marine in full armour coming out of the shadow of a long dried up tree. He swore loudly because he hadn't seen that man in the shadow. He gave a loud whistle and Tusk turned away from the corpse, charging right at the attacking marine.
There was a loud crash when Tusk and the marine collided and Boktor cursed again. His bow was useless as the soldier had his back turned to him and there was almost no way to find an opening in his armour. The orc glanced left and right, nobody seemed to have noticed what was going on and ran as fast as he could to the fight Tusk was having with a fully armoured and trained soldier. He dropped his bow and got his axe out.
The impact of the axes blade on the marines helmet was so hard that it took the man off his feet. Boktor raised the axe for the final strike but for a second, he looked into the mans eyes and the world seemed to be still and unmoving. He expected to see hatred in the mans eyes but it was all confusion and fear. He stood and looked into the blue eyes of the marine. Blue, like the warchiefs eyes, like the sky over Durotar.
Suddenly, Tusk gave another squeal and the world clicked back into action again. The marine was raising his arm in defense but Tusk hit him in the ribs and Boktor brought down the axe. With a sickening crunch he ended the soldiers life.
He checked if the fighting went unnoticed and when he couldn't make out any raised voice shouting in alarm, he hid behind that dead tree the marine was coming from to catch his breath.
He had killed before. As a hunter it was his job to go out and bring some game to feed the clan. He was used to have blood on his hands. But he never ever looked into the eyes of a dying man. It was terrible. There was so much fear in his eyes. He was so afraid of Boktor that he almost forgot to try to defend himself. And that was no ordinary man, it's been a trained soldier. What were humans thinking about orcs that could have filled this man with such terror?

>>> To be continued...


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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep, Part 3
Unread postPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:55 am 
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After a while Boktor felt fit enough to continue. He was already close to the entrance of the keep and there seemed to be only one sailor standing guard. He looked around carefuly so that he wouldn't miss another soldier somewhere but as much as he strained his eyes, he didn't see anyone.
Whith a short whistle he made Tusk attack the guard who was so shocked of being attacked by a wild boar that he didn't even make a sound but only sighed when he fell to the ground with 5 of Boktors arrows in his back. The orc ran up the stairs searched the body but nothing useful was to be found in the sailors posession. Carefuly, he sneaked further into the keep, always waiting for an alkarmed shout or an uxexpected blade from the shadows.
The hallways had no windows, so some torches were the only source of light. He could hear talking, the clanks and creaks of armour and footsteps. He could see a branch off to the left and heard someone talking ahead of him, where the hallway endend in a small room with no door. He took a quick peek to the left and found the corridor empty. So that decided that. He charged into the small room ahead, Tusk, being much faster than him, already had two marines engaged in combat when he got through to doorway. Two quick arrows ended the life of the first soldier but the other one realized that the boar wasn't his enemy. As he turned around and took two quick strides towards the orc, he suddenly tripped and fell when Tusk had hit him hard in the knees from behind, wich gave Boktor the time to drop the bow and get the axe and keep the marine down.
He didn't even realize that the fighting was over when he got hit in the back which brought him doen to his knees. Tusk squealed angrily and charged the unexpected attacker. Boktor stood up nand turned around to see a female sailor with a face so contorted with anger and disgust that he assumed that she must have lost some family member to a ravaging orc. But he would never find out as Tusk took her down to the ground and bit her to death while Boktor stood and watched, unable to help. He realized, this time, it wasn't so bad to watch someone die eye to eye. Maybe it was true and orcs were made for battle. Maybe his kin got used to killing much faster than any other race.
He searched the bodies quick and dragged them into the corner, so a passing guard would have to come in to see them. He found a slab of cheese and a chunk of rather hard bread and was smiling as he watched Tusk devour it all in one go. Yeah, he definitely didn't feel so bad about killing any more. And, after all, it was these folk here that broke the peace treaty and attacked peaceful orcs. And to have a outpost here, in Durotar, which was orcish property, was an insult to the warchief and all orcs living here in peace. They had it served as they ordered it, right?
Boktor took a deep breath, turned his head left and right to loosen the tension in his muscles and sneaked out of the room towards the branch, Tusk, who seemed to be on tiptoes as well, dogged him silently.
There was a hall. The orc did spot the guard in one corner instantly. He was guarding some stairs leading up to first floor. Boktor wondered what paranoia humans must have to even have guards inside their houses on duty but then, he smiled, maybe paranoia wasn't that bad as his presence seemed to be the evidence of. The guard was taken down swift and quiet. Looking at the stairs, he wondered if he should check ground level completely or if the chance to find this Benedict were higher on first floor. He decided to go up. If he found nothing, he could check the rest of the ground floor on his way out.That seemed to be a good plan and somehow, as if a greater knowledge had come over him, he knew it was the right thing to do.

>>> To be continued...


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 Post subject: Re: Tiragarde Keep
Unread postPosted: Sat Jan 23, 2010 5:07 pm 
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Wonderful! I can't wait for more!
Goodness, you're better at speaking and certainly typing English then some who speak it as their native language!

Like in the WoW forums. :roll:

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 Post subject: Re: Tiragarde Keep
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:09 am 
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Thanks!

Maybe I'll get to write some more later today.


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 Post subject: Re: Tiragarde Keep
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 6:30 am 
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I liked it! :) Good job. /waits patiently for more

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 Post subject: Re: Tiragarde Keep
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 7:58 am 
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Thank you. I'm working on some more text to add to this "wall".
I just realized, I'm using an online dictionary a lot while writing but more to see if the word I used is correct than actually have a german word translated.
Maybe Vephriel and Mania were right... :lol:


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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep, Part 4
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 8:15 am 
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He slowly started climbing the stairs, carefully setting his feet as to not make the stairs creak and flinching when Tusk was grunting impatiently. Nobody was to be seen up here and to the right there seemed to be another hallway. He crept up to the doorway, carefully looking around the corners. To the right was another flighty of stairs leading further up and to the left, a ramp seemed to be leading up a short way. He wondered for a moment why the builders hadn't use stairs here as well, but then, who ever understood humans? He decided to check and clear this floor before moving further up. In case he needed a fast retreat he didn't want to many humans in his back.After he took a few steps towards the ramp, he heard voices. He didn't understand what they were saying for the human gibberish was nothing close to a language. But one of those voices seemed to ooze autority. There was someone speaking who was used to give commands and have them obeyed. Benedict! Boktor smiled. Maybe he could ignore the stairway behind him. Tusk nudged his leg and as he turned to see what his friend wanted, he heard someone coming down the stairs he thought he coulod negelect. Damned! So close to his target! He had to bring that person down quick and silent. He rushed to the doorway, hid himself as good as he could by pressing his massive form to the wall. Tusk stood in the corridor, eyeing him curiously. He impatiently waved his boar to move but Tusk seemed to simply not want to understand.
To late now. whoever was coming down the stairs had reached teir foot and stopped for a moment. Obviously, Tusk could be seen from there. Boktor slowly drew his dagger. This had to be quick and silent, he reminded himself, taking deep breaths to steel himself for what was about to come.
The marine did start to talk. He seemed to take Tusk as one of the wild beasts that could be found all over Durotar.He probably wondered how the beast could come up here, so deep in the keep without anyone noticing. Or maybe he wondered if this was some prank his fellow soldiers had set up for him. Wasn't that a popular pasttime with humans? To spoof each other? Well, this was no jape, as the marine would find out right now.
The marine stepped through the door looking at Tusk, not even seeing Boktor standing there with his helmets rather small aventail. One quick step and Boktor grabbed the mans head from behind. In one quick motion, he pulled back and revealed the throat while his other hand flashed upward, burying the short, jagged blade in the mans neck. The feel of the man convulsions fighting death made Boktor sick but he closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and hold on until the body stopped moving. He slowly let the body slide to the ground and the satisfied grunt Tusk gave made him want to kick the boar but he resisted the notion.
He wiped his bloody hands on the soldiers tabard, took a deep breath and started to creep up that ramp again. The people up there seemed completely unaware of his presence. A sad smile crept on to his face. Maybe he should switch jobs and start out as a rogue. But then, how would he get Tusk to get stealthy? Nah, probably not a good idea...
He reached the top of the ramp. From what he heard, he'd say there were three of them. He gave a silent curse and thought about what he could do now. Tusk was returning his stare as an idea formed in his mind.

>>> To be continued...


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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep, Part 5
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:30 am 
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The marine that lay behind him was so bewildered when he saw the boar. It was nothing he ever expexted to see within the keep. Maybe this would work again? Could Tusk divert Benedict and his lackeys long and thoroughly enough to give him the chance of killing one of them, maybe two, before they would realize where the true danger was comming from. He was much better with the bow than with the axe. Well, it was try or retreat now. He nocked an arrow, took a deep breath and gave that short whistle that told Tusk it was time to fight again. With a loud, alkmost eager sounding squeal, the black boar charged into the room. There was a clash of boar on armor, several shouts of pain and surprise and then Boktor took the step into the doorway, bow ready to be released and took in the scene he created. Benedict was behind a desk but on his feet, shouting. Two soldiers were trying to catch Tusk who was avoiding their grasps rather easily and took pleasure in biting each limb that dared to come near his snout.
Boktor didn't have to think about it. He turned to face Benedict and released the bolt. The keeps commander only had time to realize what was happening. His eyes widened and then the arrow entered his still open mouth. On this short range, the impact was so hard that it actually tore Benedict back a step against the wall and the arrow the protruding from the back of his head litteraly nailed him to the wooden beam that reinforced the wall.
Since Benedict was kept on his feet, the soldiers didn't seem to notice their superiors untimely demise. Tusk still had them busy. Calmly pulling another arrow from his quiver, Boktor took careful aim. The soldier who had his back to him fell like it was lightning that stroke him down. A feathered shaft, still quivering, coming out of the back of his neck. As he fell, he made room for the last man to see the orc standing in the doorway, bow still in his hand. He didn't even think about it, unsheathed his sword in a quick movement and charged the surprised orc, who had no time to drop his bow and draw his axe. Boktor tried a desperate sidestep and hit the man on the back of his head with his bow. There was a loud crack as the bow broke in two but the soldier stumbled and fell to the ground. Before he even could turn around, Tusk was over him, biting like mad at the mans arms that were raised in defence. Boktor knelt down but couldn't get Tusk away from the soldier. So he took his dagger again and eased the passing away for the soldier in one quick stab at the mans heart.
Boktor sat on the ground, sadly fingering the splintered pieces of his bow. Damn, it's been a good weapon.He needed a moment to catch his breath and fed Tusk some rather stale bread, which the boar gorged with obvious taste.
The orc got to his feet and started to search the bodies. Some coins, cloth scraps, nothing useful except for a small key that Benedict had in his pocket. Maybe the commander of this outpost had something valuable or useful in his personal belongings? Boktor thought about it for a second, sighed and left the room to go see what would be waiting upstairs.

>>> To be continued...


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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep, Part 6
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 9:56 am 
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He crossed the corridor quickly and was looking up the stairs with mixed feelings. Were there more of them up there? Was it worth it to go up? Maybe there was something this key unlocked, that was important not only to him but the whole horde? Something that would bring him great honor when he layed it at Thralls feet? He cursed. Nowe that this idea had formed in his head, he wouldn't be able to not go and have a look. It would cost him some nights sleep if he left now.
"Alright Tusk, seems like there is some more scouting to do, huh?" Tusk grunted loudly. He didn't seem to mind the fighting but on the other hand, boars were natural born fighters and Tusk had had some training too. He was used to be in close combat. Boktor looked at him, asking himself if the boar thought of him as a coward, because he always stayed behind and fought from the distance where no harm would come over him. He smiled at the thought and said "Even if you think I'm a coward, you're not going to tell anyone, will you? And right now, with my bow broken to pieces, we'll be fighting side by side, won't we? No cowardice now, eh?" He gave a little laugh and Tusk squealed as if to join in. "Let's go, friend."
Boktor climbed the stairs, always looking up to check for anyone coming down. He realized that this had to be one of the towers. When he reached the top of the stairs, there was no corridor, no room, nothing. Only a doorway to the wall where you could look down over the battlement. He was rather disappointed but wait! There was a chest out there on the battlement. He went to check it out and finding it locked, tried the key he found with the Lieutenant. The chest unlocked with a small click. He carefully openend it but was empty, except for an envelope. He saw that it had been sealed and that the seal bore a crown. Probably some commands from Stormwind. His hopes of having found something important were up again. Ho shoved the envelope in his vest and hoped that Gar'Thok could read the human letters so he would know if this would bring him some honor or if it was just a royal shopping list or something.
His thoughts were interrupted when Tusk gave a loud warning squeal and charged back to the tower. Before he could wonder what had gotten into the beast, he heard a man shout in surprise and pain. Those humans were like cockroaches, Boktor thought. For every single one you crushed, two came out of some crack in the wall. The orc hurried to help his boar and hoped that the sudden appearance of an orc would surprise the man even more, so the fight would be over quick...

>>> To be continued...


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 Post subject: Re: Tiragarde Keep
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:19 am 
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seems like a nice story mate :D didnt take time to read it all though will do when im done this week with my exams.

Will also write a story too and post it ^^


nice work ^^

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 Post subject: Tiragarde Keep, final
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:19 am 
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Boktor slowly walked past the guards of Razor Hill, saluting them and was acknowledged with a short nod. Gar'Thok was standing in the center square and grinned at him as if he was awaiting his return. Boktor didn't like the way Gar'Thok grinned.
"Boktor!" Gar'Thok shouted. "You're back! Good to see you again in one piece, friend. Where is your bow?"
"Turned out that human skulls are harder than the wood we use for our bows."
Gar'Thok laughed heartily. "We should send you back to the Valley of Trials, then, friend. You're supposed to shoot arrows with it. The axe is for hitting."
"Very funny, Gar'Thok." Boktor said but didn't have a smile to go along.
"Did you do what I asked you to, though?"
"Yes. I did. Benedict is dead. And a fair few of his men as well."
Gar'Thok put a hand on the young hunters shoulder. "I know how you feel, Boktor. I've been through this as well. Every orc is. The killing gets easier with time."
"I already noticed." said Boktor.
"Now they will have to wait for the arrival of a new commander and new men. We keep 'em weak this way."
"I found this letter but I can't read it nor would I understand their language." He held the envelope out to Gar'Thok, who took it.
"Hm, a seal of their king. Orders maybe." He opened the letter and his eyes wandered up and down the sheet of parchment it contained. "I don't get it completely but as far as I understand, they are planning something bigger this time." He put the parchment back in the envelope and gave it back to Boktor. "I can't send you straight to Thrall but Vol'Jin might be interested to see this. You better bring this to Orgrimmar, friend. And don't forget to tell him your name. Your find might bring you some honor."
"Alright. I'll pick up a new bow and then I'm off." Boktor said.
He was already halfway to the bowyer when he heard Gar'Thok call him and he turned around.
"We're all only following orders, you know?" Gar'Thok said apologetic.
"Yeah." Boktor answered. "I know. We all are."

THE END

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Last edited by Karathyriel on Wed Jan 27, 2010 5:06 pm, edited 4 times in total.
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 Post subject: Re: Tiragarde Keep
Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:22 am 
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Alright people, so far from me.
Tell me what you think and don't mince matters. I wanna know for real.
Don't forget, if you tell me it's good, I might write more.

Yes, you can consider this a threat. :lol:


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Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 11:23 am 
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AWESOME!

I especially liked the flow of the story. You should keep at this...

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Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 12:32 pm 
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Thanks.
But what do you mean by "flow"?
I know what the word "flow" means but I have no clue about the flow of a story.


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Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:22 pm 
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It keeps a good pace, it doesn't get draggy or slow in the middle, like fan art often does.

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Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 1:41 pm 
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Oh, I see.
Well, that comes with the quest I described. What should he have done? Taking a break and get out his picnic stuff? :lol:

Let's hope the next one (if I'll ever write one) won't have that flaw then.


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Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:47 pm 
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Okay, so being a writer myself (or at least I like to fancy myself a writer) I really enjoy seeing what other people bring to the table, be the writing good or bad. Keep in mind, I am no expert. I have never had a piece published before and I base all my experience on the fact that I love to read.

Someone else said it pretty well, for one who doesn't speak English as a first language, you write it better than those who do. I love the way you began this, giving us the marine's point of view first and then bringing in your main character's view of events. I found this refreshing, not many would give us a look at what the "enemy" was doing or thinking, especially not an enemy in a low position, like the marine. As for your main character, you capture his orcish essence very well and I found myself agreeing that this is what orcs are like, hardy people who only want to keep their lands free and who really want war no more than others do, but they will give battle if it becomes necessary to do so.

Lastly, I enjoyed the way your orc gave commands to his boar, using a whistle to direct him. It looks like Boktor and Tusk are still learning to work together and I can see a great relationship starting between them.

All in all, I give this entire piece two thumbs up! This is very good writing, please do keep it up.

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Unread postPosted: Sun Jan 24, 2010 4:50 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2010 6:07 pm
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Location: Germany
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Oh, thank you so very much!
Makes me blush, really...


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