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Unread postPosted: Fri May 23, 2014 1:20 am 
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Illustrious Master Hunter
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So I met someone who said they where both a "inner hermaphrodite" and "trans-racial" as in they are a brown person trapped in a white's body kind of thing.

I just nodded and agreed with what they said because quite frankly they where extremly weird and I wanted them to go away. Just the way they acted mind you >.> Somepeople don't know how to act around others in public.

Anyway I did some googleing and I think this person was A) fucking with me or B) confused with meanings of terms. Because I can't find anything real called "inner hermaphrodite" closet I could find is "Intersex" and I think that's what they meant!

But the other thing "trans-racial".... I can't find anything besides a few blog posts made by teenage girls a little to much into Japan >.< I dunno about that. Is that even a thing?


Anyway that was my day today. I learned some stuff and not all of it was stuff I wanted to know!

Also posting it here because A) I think it's best suited here and B) It's my thread I'll do what I want ;p

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Unread postPosted: Fri May 23, 2014 6:23 am 
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LupisDarkmoon wrote:
Fellow Ace! Hello!

...Prepare to be surrounded by people who are amazed and shocked that you don't desire sex. And that constantly ask what you do with all that free time. And look for any chance to ask if you're REALLY ace. ...And say things like "well I mean they're human so of course they want sex".


I don't know how I feel about it. With no offence meant to you of course, it makes me feel... really strange. And pretty terrible too because I'm already in a relationship. I told my boyfriend about it, I explained everything to him, he doesn't seem to mind much. He was honest with me and told me he would prefer more sex, but if I don't want it I don't want it. I also made it very clear to him that he was NOT the problem, he's not bad in bed, I just... don't want sex and never have sexual feelings. Ever. :/

I thought it was my pills for so long but I've changed them and nothing ever got better or worse and then the GP suggested it might be me, I posted about it somewhere and almost everyone who responded told me that I have the right signs of being asexual. I didn't even previously think about that for a moment. Now it all makes sense.

If I decide to tell my mother... I'm scared of how she will react. She's normally very understanding but she's had problems with my boyfriend in the past and I fear if I tell her this she'll try to convince me that I just 'haven't found the right person yet' or some bullcrap. And it'll just piss me off and make me feel worse. I'm very close to my mother, so I feel I should tell her at some point, but it's her and the rest of the world... How will they react? I probably won't tell anyone. Not unless they're really close to me. I don't even know how to tell my best friend, who's gay. I'm sure he'll understand but... It's basically coming out to people and going, "I have a boyfriend who I don't have sex with." more than just telling them I'm not a straight sexual female anymore.

I just... don't know how to handle this right now. At all.

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 12:13 pm 
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Cow, "trans-racial" is generally accepted as a made-up term. The color of your skin doesn't physically limit you from embracing a different culture. "Inner hemaphrodite" sounds like a weird, slightly offensive way of saying Intersex. O.o

And Snowy, I don't know your life or your friends. For me, coming out as ace was as easy as telling my friends "...I think I'm ace guys" and answering a few "have you ever felt ____" questions in the negative. My family was/is supportive, though for a while my parents didn't understand that saying "THINGS MIGHT CHANGE" every time it's brought up isn't necessary or welcome. Now that they know, they stopped doing that.

Coming out as ace garners a far less hostile reaction than coming out as gay/bi/lesbian/etc might. People will probably need it explained to them, and it's likely you'll get some people that say "have you met the right guy?" but if they care about you at all, explaining to them that it's a legit sexuality and that it's just who you are might encourage them to change how they view it. Asexuality is a relatively new idea for people, and it's still massively erased ("A is for Allies!") so people honestly just don't know about it. The sooner you tell them, the more time they'll have to come to understand it.

And if people give you harsh looks about being in a relationship... I guess tell them that there's more to a relationship than sex. And if sex is all they have a relationship for, that's their problem.

This all said- you don't have to tell people. Honestly, it might only come up if people ask you about sex or something like that. For me I just tell people if they ask me sex-related questions and the general response is "What's that?" followed by "Huh, okay." I've had one person doubt it's existence- they later changed their mind.

(I'm lucky I'm aromantic too. I don't have to deal with being in a sex-less relationship and the weird looks you get for it.)

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 12:29 pm 
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LupisDarkmoon wrote:

And if people give you harsh looks about being in a relationship... I guess tell them that there's more to a relationship than sex. And if sex is all they have a relationship for, that's their problem.



^Pretty much this. One of the reasons I know my relationship is strong is that my fiance and I didn't have sex for the first 2 years of our relationship. This wasn't because we didn't want to you mind you but I just couldn't. It hurt alot when we tried and it turned out I had something physically wrong with my lady bits and had an operation to correct it. BUT the point is we didn't NEED it then and tbh don't need it now as a consequence. If your partner can deal without it then i'd say thats a great love and bond you have snowy :)

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 2:26 pm 
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Agree about the no-sex thingy... I did decide and tell my BF right from the start in our relationship, that I wanted to wait at least 6 months before having sex. Both because I wanted to make sure he didn't just want a relationship for sex, and because I was a virgin then. People can have sex right away if they want to, but I personally am against it for myself. We ended up having sex after "only" 4 months, but I was proud of us that our relationship was more than just lust.

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 3:52 pm 
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Aw you guys. <3 We're very happy in our relationship yes, sex has never been what we would consider to be a 'big' part of it. I just kinda wish I'd known all this sooner so that I could've warned him years ago, but even when I did explain it to him, he didn't even seem phased by it. He loves me for me and everything that comes with (or without) me. And I'm super glad for that. :3

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 4:33 pm 
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Theres also is nothing wrong with sex being a big part of a relationship too :p It's always been a large part for me. But ya know differen strokes n all that.

I was in a sex-less relationship once and I will never be in one ever again XD I personally can't stand the whole "what after marriage" deal (been there done that ugh) and I've done the whole wait a year/months deal and it ruins more relationships for me then it makes good ones :lol:

I mean yeah I will do what my partner wishes most of the time, if they want to go slow I will but it's a relationship and I do expect them to do the things that make me happy too.

I guess If Cow can't bone Cow anit happy :p

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Last edited by cowmuflage on Sat May 24, 2014 4:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 4:37 pm 
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LupisDarkmoon wrote:
Cow, "trans-racial" is generally accepted as a made-up term. The color of your skin doesn't physically limit you from embracing a different culture. "Inner hemaphrodite" sounds like a weird, slightly offensive way of saying Intersex. O.o



I had to stop my mouth from asking if his genitals where inside of him in some strange in-side-out kind of deal but I know better >.>

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 5:49 pm 
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Good point Cow! Different people require different relationships. If sex is your thing, you bet it can be a big part of your relationship.

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Unread postPosted: Sat May 24, 2014 6:08 pm 
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I do try and make my boyfriend happy too. :/ But sex is something that made me almost extremely uncomfortable sometimes (Sometimes it was fine, it was just never anything I really, really wanted.) to the point I would start crying because I was upset that I wasn't putting out like he wanted me to. We do compromise and I do still... do things... to him. *cough* Yes. xD

We've been in a relationship over four years now and have lived together for almost one, I'm sure if I wasn't making him happy, he would've left by now. Sorry for putting this sort of stuff out there, but I really need to make myself feel better about it sometimes... because other people are pretty damn terrible at making me feel better at all when it comes to this stuff. Especially my stupid GP.

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Unread postPosted: Sun May 25, 2014 4:54 am 
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Snowy wrote:
We've been in a relationship over four years now and have lived together for almost one, I'm sure if I wasn't making him happy, he would've left by now. Sorry for putting this sort of stuff out there, but I really need to make myself feel better about it sometimes... because other people are pretty damn terrible at making me feel better at all when it comes to this stuff. Especially my stupid GP.


I just hate it when people can't just mind their own business... they don't have sex/a partner relationship with you, so what does it matter to them? What other people do is their, and nobody else's, goddamn business.

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Unread postPosted: Fri Jun 13, 2014 6:27 pm 
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I have a good idea of what you're going through, Snowy. My little brother is the same way, and people just find it almost impossible to believe that he doesn't have sexual feelings. I totally get it, but then I'm very anatomy/physiology-minded so stuff like that doesn't sound incredulous to me. Our bodies are essentially machines, with each person having their own set of "blueprints", and not all of them are identical. Wow. Such a crazy concept! :P

I had a little bit of a scare, myself. I was having pain in my lady bits for about a week (vulva area). I didn't think much of it, I just assumed I accidentally scratched myself while bathing in the shower or got a zit (I've had a couple down there in my lifetime) or whatever. Well, it wouldn't go away. I finally felt around down there and found a lump in my inner labia (not on, like a zit, but in). I called the doctor right away and made an appointment, and it turns out it's something called a vulvar cyst. Basically, I got an infection somehow (could have been a hair follicle, a scratch, like almost anything), and I guess my body walled it off so it formed a lump? My doctor said mine's pretty small since I caught it and went in early, but some people let it go so far that it needs to be incised and drained. Sooo, I'll be taking antibiotics for 10 days to kill the infection. I'm just glad it wasn't anything serious. I was pretty sure it wasn't, but when it comes to reproductive organs or breasts, I feel a woman can never be too careful.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 4:30 am 
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I'm going to come off the pill for the first time in about 8 years. I'm terrified. But I'm fucking sick of having zero sex drive. My boyfriend says he's fine but it's not fair on him.

Does anyone know if there might be any major downsides to me doing this? Any really bad side effects? Since my body is so used to being on the pill and all.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 8:07 am 
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Snowy wrote:
I'm going to come off the pill for the first time in about 8 years. I'm terrified. But I'm fucking sick of having zero sex drive. My boyfriend says he's fine but it's not fair on him.

Does anyone know if there might be any major downsides to me doing this? Any really bad side effects? Since my body is so used to being on the pill and all.


I was on it for the same time Snowy when i tried to come off it for a bit for weight loss purposes. I got vertigo really badly was my only side effect - like I'd be at work and suddenly be very light headed - not feint or anything but just dizzy. It got annoying so I went back on until we have children but that was about it. I got very heavy periods at first but they didn't last very long.

Everyone is different though so you might be totally fine. Expect a little bit of weight loss is the common thing i hear.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 12:14 pm 
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I haven't stopped cold turkey with hormones, I just switched hormonal form from the pill. But my best friend stopped using hormones, and she got PMS from hell.. she didn't even have cramps before she started taking the pills, but even now, several years after, she still has some of those cramps, even though not as often and not as heavy any more. Probably a worst case scenario, but good to know any way ;)

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 1:27 pm 
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Blergh. Yeah. Immediately after posting that I also went and looked it up and sometimes things go pretty downhill by the seems of things. :S I might wuss it out and continue taking my last packet of pills until I can go and see my GP about it in January and ask about other forms of contraception... I just feel so horrid for my boyfriend. :S He doesn't express it much but I know he wants sex from me...

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 2:16 pm 
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I didn't have so much problems with sex as you seem to have, but I changed from the pill to Mirena, a hormonal spiral (I have no idea if that's what it's called or if other countries have them) but now I get wetter when needed so to speak, and the dose of hormones are lower. Many who put one in even lose their periods, but sadly that hasn't happened to me yet, even though they are lighter.

This is a thing you put in the vagina, and it releases a small dose of hormones every day. After it's in place, you can have it for up to five years, and I've had mine about half of that time.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 2:41 pm 
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Yeah I know which one that is, not sure how comfortable I am though with something being shoved... up there haha. I'm thinking of getting the one they inject into your arm?

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 3:07 pm 
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Hehe, I totally understand it :P It was by recommendation by my midwife who suggested it, so I had no idea what it was until then :P

Yeah, I know about them, but have no idea how good they are.. I don't think I know anyone who has one.. but then again, the pill is probably by far the most common one, so... ;)

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Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 4:34 pm 
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A good friend of mine uses the injection, apparently her only downside is that her periods are really irregular and very random, I don't think I could deal with that. >.<

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