Fellow parents, I need help!

Makoes · **Posted:** Wed May 02, 2012 11:34 pm

I have a 2yr old daughter, and recently my sister, hubby and their son who is 4.5yrs old have moved in really close. Both my sister and her hubby got jobs really really fast and so I offered to watch thier son while they worked, and in turn, they watch my daughter when I work.

Now, I think we're going on week 3 (I watch him 3-5 times a week) and I am having a bit of an issue with the "Sharing" I can understand our daughter having trouble with it, as this is the first time she's had another kid playing with her toys on such a constant base. My nephew (Patrick, aka Pat) though has been in daycare with other kids for over a year now and knows how to share...but lately there have been issues.

Pat quite often will suddenly grab a toy out of my daughters hands and run off with it, of course this makes her cry.

Sometimes Kayla wants to "show" Pat a toy, but does not want him to take it, and he mistakes this for her giving it to him...again more tears.

Theres the generic "oh, s/he has that toy so I want it" issue...not that bad.

What I am most concerned about though is that because of having her toys suddenly taken from her, she is developing a fear of things being taken away.
Tonight I was having some one-on-one play time with her after Pat went home. We were sitting in the hall rolling/kicking a ball back and forth, then she did a baby tackle, we were laughing, when our 17yr old cat went down the hall to eat her (cat) food. Suddenly Kayla's eyes popped, she started to panick and went running down the hall after the cat, and pushed her away shouting "No, Nooooo"...The cat had gotten to close to the ball. My daughter grabbed the ball and held it tightly, almost in tears.
It breaks my heart to see her suddeny so afraid to loose her toys!

I know the main cause is Pat grabbing things away from her...but I am not sure how to handle the situation on my end...How to make my daughter understand that her toys arent going anywere.

I know I will have to speak with my sister about this and see if she cant help in making Pat understand that Kayla is smaller/younger and grabbing toys from her is bad.

I have asked and told Pat not to grab things from her, tried explaining why it was bad...I know he's just a little kid to, but I would think that by now with him being around so many other kids for so long that he would behave himself a bit better in this reguard.

Any advice on this would be most appreciated.

AdamSavage · **Posted:** Wed May 02, 2012 11:42 pm

Hmmm. You could try letting her take something of yours, and somehow explain that it doesn't go away forever. You can always find it or get it later ?

Worba · **Posted:** Thu May 03, 2012 2:31 pm

Usually a little bit of rewarding for good behavior and punishment for bad behavior can go a long way.

For example grabbing toys could result in a couple minutes in the corner or some designated "thinking spot" (like 1min / yr old), followed by a quick talk about why was the small rulebreaker put there and what should they try to do differently the next time.

Make sure to use plenty of positive reinforcement - if Patrick listens to you and lets go of the toy without making off with it, give him lots of praise. Maybe let him take the first turn at a game you all like to play, something like that.

Offer similar rewards to Kayla if she chooses to proactively offer any of her toys to Patrick - he may be willing to transition over to this if he knows he will still get some times to play with Kayla's toys, but it has to be which / when of her choosing, not his.

Ofc this does somewhat depend on how much leeway your sister and her husband are giving you with their son - hopefully they are being flexible on this.

Splaticus · **Posted:** Mon May 07, 2012 1:01 pm

I agree with the other people posting that you should show your daughter that because someone takes something it doesn't mean you won't get it back.

But if you haven't talked to Pat's parents about this completely unacceptable beavior you should. Unless they give you permission to do any kind of time-outs or whatever for snatching toys you should not do so. His parents need to work with him on his behavior.

I know this next part is difficult because you both need each other to watch the kids but if he making your daughter deveope this kind of fear you should not watch him unless his parents can make him behave or they give you permission to reprimand him appropriately. I know there's a lot of parents out there who want absolutely no one but them disciplining their child.

Makoes · **Posted:** Mon May 07, 2012 1:10 pm

I did talk to her (my sister) that night and we are both working with Pat to teach/remind him that Kayla is young and just learning. I do have permission to give him time-outs and to take away privilages (such as games or tv) if he is still not listening.

It has gotten a bit better now, and I try to make sure that I am watching them closely while they interact and keeping an eye on who has what toy(s).

Working with Kayla and explaining that her toys arent going away. Showing her that they are still there and that she can play with them after Pat is done with them.

There are some things that I think I will need to make off-limits to Pat since they greatly distress Kayla when he uses/plays with them...such as her little rocking chair and her stuffed puppy.

Thanks all for the advice its helps a bunch!

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Fellow parents, I need help!

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