I need help...and advice..

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Redith
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I need help...and advice..

Unread post by Redith »

So my girlfriend of 2 months just told me she was pregnant......by some guy 4 months ago...I don't know how I feel. I feel like this is going to put a huge strain on our relationship...plus one of the things I liked about dating her was that she didn't have any kids and baby daddy drama...I feel like I should tell her we should maybe end it because I don't see this working out, but I think that's a douchebag move breaking up with a girl because she is pregnant...But I just know this wont work out.
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Rawr
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Re: I need help...and advice..

Unread post by Rawr »

I can see how this would be a big dilemma but waiting is never good, talk to her, tell her how you feel and make a firm decision. :hug: Best of luck to you both. :mrgreen:

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Rhyela
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Re: I need help...and advice..

Unread post by Rhyela »

I think it's a little different in your case because if you were to leave, it's not abandoning YOUR responsibility. I'm not saying you should leave for sure, but if you feel uncomfortable with the situation, you have every right to discuss it with her. I would just do it sooner rather than later.

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zedxrgal
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Re: I need help...and advice..

Unread post by zedxrgal »

This is going to make me sound like a royal B but I would be honest about how I felt and then probably walk away.
Maybe its my skeptical side but sitting here things make too little sense and raises questions.
Like.
How far along is she???
Cause if she is 4 months pregnant, knew and didn't tell you ............. that's kind of wrong in my book.
If she's 2.5-3 months along that too would make things very uncomfortable.
Does the father know? If not, why not? If so how does he feel?

Don't get me wrong. I'm all for a man stepping up and caring for a new pregnant partner but sadly I would have to have a whole lot of questions answered first from a long heart to heart talk.

Talk to her asap. Be kind. Take your time. Ask a lot of questions.
The reactions to those questions and her honesty should tell you if you should end it or not. :hug:

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Aweena
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Re: I need help...and advice..

Unread post by Aweena »

As a mother to a 13 year old with a former bf and a new 5 month old to my little girl i even agree with Zed above.

if you are not ready to step up for a strangers child then you walk simple she wont need you hating life with them if the child is not yours hell even if it was yours id say talk it through then walk if you are not ready, my sons dad was not and it ended in me leaving him anyway.

Also think it through thoroughly can you love the child like your own, it is a really hard question to ask before it is even here but some people can and that is what will matter.
Does the daddy even want anything to do with the child if not well no drama there *shrug* so again i agree with Zed talk talk talk then decide.

Good luck and remember she is pregnant expect tears and mood swings during your talk hug her if she needs it even if you are walking.

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Redith
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Re: I need help...and advice..

Unread post by Redith »

She claims she just found out that day, she told the father and he wants to be involved. She wants me to be a father figure to this kid and I don't even know if I would marry her if she WASNT with child ya know?
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Re: I need help...and advice..

Unread post by GAJones4221 »

Redith wrote:She claims she just found out that day, she told the father and he wants to be involved. She wants me to be a father figure to this kid and I don't even know if I would marry her if she WASNT with child ya know?
I've heard before that no one is really prepared going into having their first kid. Honestly it's more about how you feel, There's nothing wrong with feeling nervous, the key to this right now is not getting yourself upset or getting more upset if you already are. Many here have stated a heart to heart talk.

That's what I would do as well, If you truly feel as though this is someone you could see yourself wanting to spend the rest of your life with then this may not be as big of a deal breaker as it might of first seemed to be. I'm gonna say honestly as messed up as it might seem to leave her (which it does) because you should be supporting her through thick and thin, your an emotional rock.

But this isn't a when times our rough call, if you choose to stay , you really gotta stay, You can't just wait till the baby is out and decide it isn't for you. I'd say give it some thought, upto a certain age which I'm not sure what that age is, the baby will have little to no recognition of what a father is. Up until that point you certainly have the option to walk out, but like others have said, a true heart to heart might be a real eye opener, keep an open mind when talking with her, and start this off in a calm tone of voice when shes not tired or upset.

You can do this. :)

We're here to help you in any way we can.
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Re: I need help...and advice..

Unread post by zedxrgal »

I'm on my tablet but I'll try and make sense.

Some more thoughts on your situation.
After your heart to heart with her I suggest taking time completely alone. Like at least a day. No phone except an emergency. No computer. No noise. Just you.
Wrap brain around every possible scenario. Truly get in touch with you and see what they would look like.
If you walk.
You stay.
Father walks away.
Father stays
Father heavily involved. Possible drama from said father whether he stays or not.
Care of mother pre baby. Care of mother and baby.
Money. I'm not talking like the occasional little gift here and there. But even part time baby care is not always cheap. Food. Diapers. Clothes. Medical.

This is not said to scare you away. But to think. All the above must be sorted.
As said. We're here if you need us

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