Rant Thread

[Rubywashere]

Sometimes I think i'd be better for everyone if I didn't exist
all I am is just some stupid dead weight. I can do nothing to help no one and hell I suck at absolutely every class im in.
the only thing im good at is getting in everyones way, Some say Im good with ideas but hell....
even my ideas are the most disgustingly useless things
im a fat, ugly and full of depression problems who needs me anyways?
Hell why do I even exist, to to feel pain and depression?
My religion tells me to count my many blessings and I see none
Yeap.
just another useless fat slob
so fucking useless that I might as well not exist
I just get in everyones way after all....
it will always be like that.
always.

[Chimera]

Cow, i have a horrible urge to give her a reality wake up slap after reading your rant about her trailing on about farming and christmas and what not XD

Cat barfed this pitch black liquid ALL OVER MY FLOOR and it smelled atrocious... i had to put fans on to vent out my room while also dealing with stuff on dragon cave that i really wanted to get done and then once it didnt stink so bad i had to soak it, wash it, and then stepdad came in and shampoo'd the carpet and ive sprayed the floor down with febreze in hopes that it doesnt stink by morning and that it doesnt stain.

I am never feeding him dry cat food whole again. Its the root cause of the barf and why it looked so awful. The last few times hes snacked on it between his meals of ground up dried cat food and canned wet food he didnt barf but obviously theres gonna be times where he eats too much of it and throws it up all over the floor.. it really sucks cause we need people here every day to be able to feed him since wet food dries out and he definitely cannot eat whole dry food anymore so i cant take any holidays anywhere without stepdad being here to take care of him or reliable neighboors that will be here every day in the morning, dinner time, and night time to feed him.

[Furiku]

So lately I've been harped at to get a job by my family. Now, okay technically they have all right to do so. But hell! I've tried. I've been trying. I wanted to take a year to relax, figure out what I was going to do with my life after I graduated highschool. I told you I wanted it to be a school year rather then a literal year.You guys were fine with it before. Now that the economy has apparently started to get better, or so you all think, it's suddenly important that I get a job.

Well, guess what? I can't exactly control if people are even going to call me in for an interview. The economy hasn't even improved that much around here. And I can't drive still. My eye issue is no help with that. We live in a small town away from most of the cities and bus stops. The local businesses aren't hiring. Even if someone called me in for an interview, you guys are all gone constantly. I would have no ride and I'm not walking 15 miles or more for a job I might not even get. I don't want to have to call my friends for a ride either. Just gah!

I've been trying to find an internet based job, or something I can do from home. My side project of writing my own novel series hasn't even started yet so I can't hope that I write a best seller and get some money from that. I'm doing the best I can given what I have to work with. And yet to you guys it's not enough. Then again it won't be enough unless I get some high paying job I absolutely hate instead of a job I either love or can tolerate while I work on my books to you guys. Me wanting to be a writer or an artist? Nope! Gotta work in some type of high paying job in my worst subjects from back in school. /sigh Why can't I just live on Azeroth as Furiku...I'd enjoy being her in real life far more then just playing her...

And you know what the fun is? That isn't my biggest issue at the moment. Oh hell no. I have one far far far bigger beating at my door with this one as well. I won't say it here (It's a really huge rant, would probably take up a good portion of this page) but hell. If you want to know and help me make sense of that one feel free to pm me...'cause I sure as hell need the help before I do something really stupid as a result of it.

Edit: Edits were for fail typing. >> And I probably missed a few more. Oh well. And hey, lookie there. I'm Horde now. /end random

[Azunara]

I'm leaving in a few hours to go to Michigan.

I kind of had grand plans of sleeping. Body has decided otherwise. It's one in the morning and I've been trying to sleep since nine at night. God frikking dammit.

[Miyon]

My head is itching horribly. It's a wonder that I haven't scratched myself bleeding yet. I don't know what it is. Begone.

[Talaridan]

*sighs*

I really just give up. It's just...tiring to try really hard to be patient, polite, undemanding, and brush off being used, forgotten, or dragged into stupid role-play nonsense that I hate or think is stupid.

I have to assume I'm just completely and utterly boring. I'm not into sex enough, or gore enough, or having my character be some kind of freaking over-the-top, over-powered, moronic THING that makes no sense and has stupid 'quirks' that don't even really add anything to the character.

Every damn night, I get blown off. No matter what I'm promised, told, or even asked to do. Some moron waves their hand and I'm dropped like a leper so they can run off to do stupid. I'm not rude, hell, I'm even politely supportive of their role-play, which I think is damn ridiculous. Heck, I'm not gonna tell someone what to enjoy. I'm not like a lot of the elitists who make fun of people, or laugh at them, or tear apart ideas at a whim to be nasty. If anything, I avoid ANY kind of critique of anyone's RP at all because people get so offended if you say anything even remotely negative, or ask a question they don't like.

I've been promised for days, no WEEKS, that I'll get to have a little time with people who are supposed to be my friends. I bend my time, do things I don't even want to do, and try my damnest to make myself as available as possible even if its not a situation I enjoy. I don't LIKE RP in this area. I hate sitting around in this area! But you know what? I do it because you seem to enjoy it and I would like to get a LITTLE damn time. What happens as soon as I get there? "Oh, sorry, switching, someone 'needs' me." Needs you...right... Because without your attention RIGHT THEN, they will DIE, huh?

I'm utterly sick of always being the one that gets dropped, tossed, or forgotten. Or just put on hold for days at a time with excuses of "oh, oops, they just--". It's not FAIR. It's not RIGHT. You damn sure can use me to carry your crappy group through instances. You can damn sure drag me on raids for gear I don't even WANT so you can get some ugly piece of gear EVERY DAMN PERSON OF THAT CLASS has.

Is it SO much to freaking ask we do something I MIGHT enjoy for a damn hour instead of blowing me off to go cyber/ERP or do something completely stupid with a person you JUST MET? Sorry my character's immediate desire isn't to fawn on yours or have sex with them, but geeze.... It's not like I'm going to ask you to do something you're going to hate. I'm asking you to do what you offered and claim to WANT to do!

Would it KILL you to give me a LITTLE attention ONCE a damn week? Just an HOUR. You can damn sure take up a lot of my hours. When do I get something back other than to hear second-hand tales of the utter stupidity you are wrapping yourself up in?

Tonight is just the icing on the damn cake. "Oh, right, I'll come after this RP is over." No you damn well will NOT. You've said that a dozen times in the last week. And do you know what happens EVERY damn time? You wrap up and log off without even a good night or a sorry.

It took everything in my power to just log off politely and not say "screw you" when you told me that.

[Novikova]

I hate that when I try to go to bed early so I can get up early, my brain insists we stay up all night. It insists we remember something really upsetting too. Oi vey.

I love to RP, but I'm really getting tired of 'Keep this between us but OMG HOW DARE YOU RP with a guy I have my eyes on!1!1!!' or just being attacked because heaven forbid they not have a relationship with your PC. It's really toxic, exhausting and notfun to have to keep a list of 'can't RP with him or him because she'll bite my head off' or 'she'll attack my character, get shut down and send me ugly messages about OMG I MADE HER THE VILLAIN how /dare/ I' and throw in some insults at me to boot. Yes, she sent me ugly messages about 'watching me' and 'she'd better not get dumped on another game'. These girls are just so possessive of the male players, it's almost like trying to play Twister in a minefield to not offend someone. I love the head of the RP, but I'm half tempted to say screw it and just keep in touch with e-mail.

Are my X chromosomes really -that- offensive to people? I don't think I come off as flirty...

[Makoes]

I was sort of getting pulled along that way with some RP'rs, but then I just said to myself "nope, not going to let them do that" and when I am asked if I want to RP with them, I will say something like "sure, but this is what I am doing at the moment, you're welcome to join me." I dont say it all the time, but enough that it gets it across that I am not there to be dragged around at thier whim. And if they dont want to do what i am currently doing, then, well, I am still having fun doing what I am doing, and they can go have fun doing their thing.

I dont think i've ever seen anyone overly possessive of another player in RP before, but I am still in a small circle of RPrs atm, though...one seems to be getting a bit more possessive of me, but I usually just do something to make everyone happy or more relaxed and deflect the possessivness.

[Moore]

Man I do not like christmas @_@

[Miyon]

I have so many gift cards and got so much money for christmas that it's itching to be spent. I know I'm going to get new shoes, possibly a jacket, and some new clothes for the gift cards, perhaps some new make up (god I feel like such a girl now). For the cash, I feel I want to buy something I really want, but I don't know what I want.

[cowmuflage]

Why did I have to get surgery days before xmas?

[Aritria]

Okay, so I have feelings.

I had a crush on someone, he liked me back. We went on a date, it was cool, and showed to me that I might be worth something after all. He didn't want to pursue the relationship, I obliged. In a night of drunken convenience not even a week later, he slept with not just my roommate and a close friend of mine. I felt hurt. And Betrayed. And Thank the Deities above that I had been working on a theatre production for my university at the time to throw myself into, because I have know friggin' idea on how I would have handled it otherwise.

I also had feelings for another guy, someone that I had met this summer during the method acting course I had taken. Turns out that my roommate/friend found herself crushing on him as well after two other guys between Crush One and this guy. She went out for supper with him the day before I left to come back home for the holidays after telling her that I'd had feelings for this one. All I could think was....."F***, another one gone because I'm too f***ing stupid and slow to ask him out. *%$&*&%##!!!"

My dad has found someone after he divorced my mom, and they're very happy together. Engaged, and ready to marry not this summer but the summer after. Mom says it's cool, but her inflections in her voice and body language say otherwise. She's in this long-distance platonic yet sexual (How can you be platonic yet sexual? I don't get the concept, you're either sexual or platonic, there's no in between. You're either friends or sex buddies, pick one) relationship with a guy half-way across the country (who has a hell of a lot of baggage with his own life and ex-wife), and he's here for the Holidays. It really hurts to see them being all touchy feely, I'm super jealous. I should have never come back home with the way I'm feeling about all of this.

So with my mom and dad being happy with someone else, me still hurting after what's conspired this semester with this friend of mine (if I can even call her a friend after her starting to think with her vagina and not her head), I'm not anything but hurt, and jealous, and bitter, and cold, and spiteful, and wanting to burn everything to the ground, and just....uncomfortable about everything right now....

And feeling completely worthless once again. I don't think I'll ever be destined for love, or something even remotely that. Everyone has found someone else around me in my social circle, for the most part, and it stings like nothing I've ever known. And I hate it.

So, next semester, I'll work on school improving my grades. When not in school, I'll be in the library studying, or working on a show. When it's none of the above, I'll be swimming to get all of this and more out of my system and making sure I drop this weight because it's bloody time. I will not have a social life if that's what it takes to get my crap sorted out. I will have to become a recluse and a bitch if that's what it takes.

Maybe me being alone is the best thing to do right now for myself. And crying buckets of tears and yelling at the top of my lungs.

Anyway, I have feelings....

[Miyon]

I am seething with hate and fury right now.

[Chimera]

Have to take my computer in tomorrow to have the disc drive fixed cause, for the 2nd time now it has all together just quit. When i bought it, brand new, flippin' $800, the disc drive didnt work but it never bothered me enough to get it looked at and then when i did they did something and 5 min later i was on my way home with a working computer.

About a month ago i tried to put a disc in and i discovered that an unknown amount of time prior the disc drive quit again, didnt bother me enough, again, to have it looked at since everything i wanted installed was installed. The disc was just some music that my stepdad gave me to listen to cause he thought i might like it (was terrible tho, i dont like his music, thank god he doesnt gift me CD's, he was letting me listen to it) so i was just like meh and listened to it for a minute on my dvd player...

Today i bought a drawing tablet with all the giftcards i got for christmas and it requires me to install it via a disc and then download a bunch of programs it comes with and i cant do either of those things cause the friggin drive is fcked. We're gonna get it taken in and see what we can get them to do so this doesnt happen again, something is obviously wrong with the drive cause never, ever, has this ever happened to any of my computers and ive had at least 5 and this one, right out of the unopened box, has had problems.

[Senna-Umbreon]

I can't find Pan.

I CAN'T FIND PAN.

I CAN'T FIND PAN.

I CAN'T FIND PAN.


I CAN'T FIND HIIIIIMMMMM *Freaks out, nearly crying*



...Ahem.

My Raikou plushie, Pan.. Is gone. I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS. HE'S COMPLETELY GONE D: I'VE SEARCHED THE WHOLE HOUSE AND I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND HIM *Flails around*


I know this sounds ridiculously stupid, but.. Pan's REALLY special to me. He's literally my OLDEST Pokemon character out of the PMD universe.. Created WAAAY back in December of 2009. He's on my SoulSilver team, too. He's one of my most special characters ever, even if I don't use him that much for RP.. And the plushie of him? I got ON MY BIRTHDAY last year. I cannot even begin to TRY to explain how special he is and how much he means to me, even in his plushie form. He's the one I always cuddle when I'm upset, and he always makes me feel better.

I don't even KNOW how he went missing! I had him out of my bag at my aunt's place on Christmas.. But if I had left him there, she would probably have told us by now. And I'm nearly certain I didn't leave him at the hotel either.. But we called them just in case. The stuff from our room hasn't come down yet, so they don't know if he's there.. But they're gonna call us back if they find him. And we already called the White Spot (Restaurant in Canada for those that don't know) we went to with a friend yesterday, and they don't have him... He's not in the car either. The scary thing is.. I'm RIDICULOUSLY protective of and careful with my plushies. He's almost always in my bag, and I'm sure I would have noticed if he wasn't in it.. But... He's gone. I've checked every place I can think of, usually at least twice.. And he's just.. Gone. I can't find him.


I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOO

[Lupis]

Aw, I hope you find him soon, Senna. Typically when I lose things I find them in stupidly obvious places. I lost my iPod at one point and for a month I was sure it was stolen… Then found it in my backpack. -.-
Don't lose hope, though, you'll find him.

My rant… I'm such an idiot. Why couldn't I have read the creepy story BEFORE watching the happy movie? Now I'm going to go to sleep with that stupid freaky story stuck in my head, not the movie.

[CrystalKitten]

Sick and tired of people judging me when they don't know anything about me. Yes, I'm financially screwed. Yes, I bought Starcraft 2 with the money my mom gave me TO BUY A GAME for xmas. But I already took the money out of my credit card for rent/bills, and if I'm careful, I'll be okay for food until I get my loan. No, I did not go to the hospital when I rolled my ankle because at the time, I DIDN'T have the money. When I got the money... my ankle was well enough to take almost my full weight.. So.. what's the point? What's the doctor gonna say? "Yeah.. it was sprained.. it's healed now.. good job taking care of it"?

So.. no, I'm not horrible with financial priorities. I can generally live off $20-40 in household supplies (including food) per week, with some being a bit higher when i need pet stuff, or bathroom supplies. I don't go out. I order food less than once a month, and when I do, I usually make it last 3 or 4 days. I eat on campus maybe once a month, if that, and I spend less than $15/week on things like drinks/hot chocolates, etc. Pretty much, if I could find a proper job during the summer and didn't need to use my credit card for living expenses (in which case.. I live 4 months on less than $2000), I can easily make it through BOTH semesters on my OSAP... which is around... $7000... And that's including textbooks and other school supplies, rent, bills, etc.

So yes... When I finally can treat myself to a game.. with money that was given to me for such a purpose... I'm going to do it.

Living like me isn't easy. And I'm not talking the financial stuff. The anxiety is horrible. The depression just as bad. Something as simple as a game to distract my mind from the infinite loops that can cause me to spiral into an attack that has me... I don't even know how to describe it to someone who hasn't seen it.. Frantic pacing.. the NEED to scream but not wanting to cause you don't want the attention, The feeling like you CAN'T stop moving, grasping your head, twitches, rocking, flinging arms in anger/frustration, the desire to throw things, hurt things, break and smash... Honestly.. if people saw it, they'd probably take me to an institution, heh. Many are probably thinking that right now.. but it's manageable.. I've learned new ways of dealing, and GAMES are one of them. Being told that I'm not doing the best that I can when people know NOTHING about my mental state, normal financial habits, or general life, is almost enough to drive me to the above mentioned level of anxiety/depression. Help, sure. Suggestions, sure. But when given a reason it's not valid, don't push and say pretty much call me an idiot for not taking the suggestion because I KNOW MY LIFE BETTER than anyone else... Especially when the suggestions are for a situation which is NO LONGER APPLICABLE...

Disclaimer: This isn't directed at anyone... I feel criticized in these areas a LOT.. Like.. people saying "well, why do you play WoW if you're so short on money" ... $10/month vs most people's recreational drinking, or going to the movies, etc etc... I don't do that stuff, so leave me alone. WoW is my recreational spending. Sooo tired of people trying to say they know what's best for people when they know nothing about them/their lifestyle...

[Rubywashere]

Iv'e now fallen into that pit of doom
Iv'e decided
Im a burden to exsit
and yeah I just pain everyone around me because every fucking where I go I scare people away with drama

Not to mention that seems to be only only shitty talent
I need to be put down so bad....so so bad
I dont even know my God created me
someone just shot me please? end my misery? its not like anyone will miss me anyways all I cause is pain
I cant bring smiles
all I bring is frowns

[Tufak]

You complain that I don't eat enough. You constantly gripe about my being fat and say that I've 'killed my metabolism' by not eating until midday or later (it's better than eating it, then throwing it up after from anxiety, isn't it?).

But then when I have a sinus infection and am desperate for something to help loosen up my sinuses, you throw a fit because I drank the last quarter of the liter bottle of soda that you had left in the fridge.

Oh...and by the way...I'd asked you to put away the clean dishes yesterday so I could put the dirty in to wash, you said sure and never did it, so don't bitch at me that the omelette pan isn't clean this morning when you want to use it.

[Miyon]

I sorta don't understand why I haven't been diagnosed with migraine. The only thing that doesn't fit is the puking and frequenzy thing. Shut of that fucking tv! I never want to grow old.