Dealing with long-term relationship break ups.
- Snowy
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Dealing with long-term relationship break ups.
We were together for five years. That's an awful long time to suddenly decide to turn around and go, "This isn't working." and call it off. Technically, it's a break. I'm staying with my mum and he's moved back up to Scotland with his mum. We were going to be doing this anyway for at least two weeks, hence why we decided now is the best time for a break, but frankly I feel like it's more than a break. Our relationship has fizzled and I've known this for some time. We argue, we fight over the tiniest details, we don't even have much in common anymore. The only things making me want to hold on to it are nostalgia and loneliness. I don't think it's going to work out. The last few days I've felt fine as long as I'm around people. The minute I'm left alone, I just feel so depressed.
I want to know how I'm meant to deal with this. Has anyone had any similar experiences that they would be kind enough to tell me about, and how they dealt with it? It's a very personal topic I understand but I could really do with any and all help right now. It's just such a sudden change and I'm rather heartbroken, but I don't think I want the relationship to continue anymore either. :/
Snowy the Sylveon Hoarder ♥
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- Vephriel
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Re: Dealing with long-term relationship break ups.
I think people are very much creatures of habit, and after a timespan like that you become comfortable with the way things are because it's normal, it's familiar, and it's safe in the sense that you know where you stand. It's intimidating to think of where to go from there, and there's no fault in that. A breakup is rough, there's no getting around that, but in some cases it might turn out to be a good thing, even if that'll be hard to see while you heal and recover emotionally. It sounds like you've held some uncertainties for a while and there's nothing wrong with two people changing in ways that a relationship may not be ideal anymore.
Too many people stay together, get married, and carry on their lives in what becomes a stale, loveless relationship just because they're afraid to start over, to try something new. Don't feel like you have to be stuck in the same routine if it's just not working anymore. Relationships are hard, long ones even more so. They're something you have to constantly tend to and nurture. There's a lot of compromises to be made, but it's all worth it if you're both willing to put in the effort. The most important thing is that you should feel happy. You should want it enough that it's worth fighting for, and if that feeling isn't there anymore or fading then it might be best to move on and discover where you want to go from here. There might be something even better in the future, but just take your time and think on it. I know it's difficult to lose someone that you're so close to and know so well, but if you can still stay friends after then maybe you don't have to lose it all.
Spend time with your friends, lean on them for support, and just try to breathe and enjoy yourself as much as you're able so you're not dwelling on things alone. It's going to be painful but stay positive, talk about it with him, and maybe together you can either figure out what went wrong or agree that it's time to go your separate ways, hopefully without animosity.
- Dewclaw
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Re: Dealing with long-term relationship break ups.
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- Castile
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Re: Dealing with long-term relationship break ups.
It was hard - for both of them but they both have new partners, are both engaged (she's getting married this November) and she has a child! Everything in life happens for a reason and if its not meant to be then that just means that the right person for you is still out there waiting It will hurt but eventually the sun will shine and you'll find the someone you are truely meant to spend your life with
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- Ana
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Re: Dealing with long-term relationship break ups.
We could still talk but i was really unsure if we were going to be divorced which i soo did not want. It was THE most hard time of my life.
I KNOW this place is not to talk about religion but it is what saved us. I met some Jehovahs Witness and my husband and i began reading the bible together. Through that we strengthen our marriage and after 6 montsh apart we moved in together again... We kept up the principles from the bible and today i just wish we had done that earlier .... We have never been stronger together than we are now... It might sound silly but it really really helped us..
again sorry if this is too much religion but i just wanted to be honest and share what helped us because i feel for you and want to help you. Sometimes its worth to fight and try to figure out things.. im going againts the popular opinion here i know ...
HUGE thanks to Makoes, Syleye, FeralClaw, Pingupuff, Karin,Bowno, Varethyn, Ashaine, Kishay, Aki (Täräin13), my friend Marie and some lovely ppl on Fligth Rising for my lovely sig
- Snowy
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Re: Dealing with long-term relationship break ups.
Your responses are all wonderful, don't worry about posting what you feel Tarn, it's wonderful to know that you and your husband were able to solve things and stay close. I'm not a religious person at all but it makes me happy that it was able to save your relationship Tarn. I definitely agree, a long-term relationship is definitely worth fighting for and I do think that too many couples, especially married ones, divorce these days. Sometimes people find it easier to split than to try hard to solve their issues. Which is exactly what we're trying to do, but the communication between us right now is so difficult - his computer is packed away so he can't message me, his phone is frankly pretty crap so texting is few and far between and we have no option but to stay apart right now because we don't have a house. I'm staying with my mum and i'm currently 99% sure I'll be moving in with my best friend later this month.
Sadly, there's no option between a long distance relationship and living together. And I already did the long-distance part for three years and frankly never want to do it again, it was horrible and I think if I had to do it any longer I would've broken off the relationship... hence why we decided to move in together. After two years I just wanted my own space, and yes, like Castile said, lots of small issues that had been problems for a long time finally all came up at once and just kind of ruined everything. I feel like if we'd spent time looking at them when they actually first occurred, it wouldn't be so bad, but it's been a week since this was decided and, honestly? I'm loving the freedom and independance. I hated having to share my room - I just don't think I was ready to.
Thank you all for the responses though, really, it helps. I've never been in a situation quite like this and it always makes me feel better when I have something I can relate to.
Snowy the Sylveon Hoarder ♥
3DS FC: 1263-6698-4911 | FR: EnchantedEcho | PSN: Eviesaurus
My YouTube Channel! (Pokemon related stuffs!)