Wedding Conscience

[Splaticus]

My husband and I have been happily married for 7 months, and have been living together for another year on top of that. There is little doubt to us and everyone around us that we were meant to be as silly as that sounds.

Problem is we eloped and our family has no idea, so I still have to plan a wedding. Being legally married was a strategic move that we made, and it made no sense to draw out the engagement. They think the ring on my finger is an engagement ring. We also live no where near our immediate families.

I am having a hard time planning a wedding in good conscience, I feel like I'm fooling everyone after having been married for 2 years by the time the date we picked out rolls around. But I still want all the perks and gifts that come with weddings. Am I wrong for doing so?

I just needed somewhere to vent, as I am already freaking out just thinking about the guest list. Everything costs so much money!

[Bonita]

I think everyone deserves a nice wedding if they want one. If it really is bothering you though maybe you could at least tell a couple members of your family and let them know you had a good reason for eloping.

[GormanGhaste]

It's a white lie that doesn't hurt anyone, so no harm if you decide not to tell them. But if it bothers you too much, you can just have a wedding vow renewal ceremony (or however people phrase it) instead.

If you want to make it less stressful, worry less about perks and gifts and instead plan a simple celebration of your love. It's just one day.

[Wain]

It's not uncommon for people to have a civil/legal ceremony for reasons of practicality then organize a bigger family and friends ceremony at a later point. Providing you think your families will understand your reasoning for having the "legal contract" wedding, I'd just tell them but point out that you fully intend to have a proper ceremony when you can all get together. That way it'll stop eating at you. But if you think they're going to be really hurt either way, that makes it difficult.

[Chimera]

Personally, if my partner and i really wanted to get married but we didnt have the finances to throw a party, i would be totally fine with getting married and having a celebration at a later date. With my family such a thing would be impossible so i too would have to keep it under wraps for their sake. Theres nothing wrong with what you've done, and im sure its common in the population as a whole.

Im sure it definitely feels guilty but honestly, love cannot be bought and whether your family finds out or not, just remember that they're the ones getting invited! Your the one thats in love! And love has a value that money cannot price, or else its a pretty material-minded love which i dont think is good for any relationship >.>;;. But having a big celebration is very much full of awesomeness and I definitely feel everyone should get a chance to have a big extravagant event, even if it means getting married first, and THEN planning out your big happy event day :3

[Splaticus]

Thanks for the input guys. It's just so hard to keep secrets!

[zedxrgal]

I don't feel you did anything wrong.
But FOR ME, I don't believe in keeping secrets. That doesn't sound right. Ummmm. Be truthful in all things except when extreme harm would come from it. I don't see where telling you're family you're already married to him would be causing extreme harm. I would think they'd be more upset that it was hidden from them for so long then them being told you and he eloped.
I would tell them then allow them to aid in the planning of the actual ceremony with the bells and whistles if they would like to.