Just need to vent...

[Rottingham]

I've found that over the years some of the best things to help Keep my mind off of issues is to vent about it. So, here it goes:

Back in February, Three days before Valentine's Day, I had my first real date. It welty very well, and when I drove her home I got my first kiss on the lips. I was very excited, because it was too good to be true, and then on Valentine's Day when I saw her again in person we made our relationship official.

Then after two weeks of being together, I was at her house and she tells me that she loves me. Now we've both been pretty busy, and I've only been able to see her three times in person since Valentine's Day since we live an hour away from each other. And I've never truly experienced love before, but I was unsure if I had it. I told her the truth, that I didn't love her because I don't know what it feels like, but eventually I will understand what it is and I hoped she could forgive me. I was being honest after all.

Now, just the day before I got on her best friend's bad side. This is because she's obsessed with an anime called Hetalia, and brings it up all the time. I was talking to my girlfriend about her dog dying the week before and her friend breaks into the conversation "oh that reminds me of Hetalia where the guy looked like Santa" or something. Now this was a serious matter for my gf, and her friend was there bringing up something irrelevant and smiling and giggling while saying it. I told her that she doesn't always have to bring up Hetalia, and she stormed out taking my Girlfriend with her.

Her friend always wore the pants in their friendship, and her word was law, so when I said I didn't know if I loved her and her friend found out, she did everything imaginable to break us up. But with talking to me and my one friend, we managed to stay together for a while. Two more weeks later, exactly a month from the day of our first date, I met her sisters for the first time. it was there I learned that she was in an abusive relationship for three years, and that she loved me because I was so much different from that guy. So I felt like a jerk for my previous answer, even if it was the truth.

On the way home, I got a text from her. When I pulled over to get gas, I read it. she broke up with me over text, and I had no idea why. Her family loved me and she and I seemed to be getting along much much better now. I was at a complete loss for three long months. It started getting better, and I started to move on from the whole relationship. But them it took a turn for the worse.

I believe in sex after marriage, mainly due to the fact that if I were to have it beforehand I would feel too emotionally attached to the person and if something were to happen between us I'd be devistated. Well, a friend of my ex came to me two weeks ago, and told me that he felt awful having this on his conscience for four months, but he had to tell me.

A week before she broke up with me, my ex got sexually frustrated from me saying that I was unsure if I loved her, and her best friend suggested that she tried being with someone else. That night she took her advice and cheated on me with her current boyfriend now. I was devistated, because I cannot stand when people do that.

And though I have some closure, I am losing sleep over this and it's driving me crazy night and day. Now my family and friends tell me that I've done nothing wrong and it wasn't my fault at all, but I feel they might just be saying that because they are my friends and family.

My question is this: was it my fault? Because I was unsure if I lived her and I told her the truth? Because I made a bad impression on her friend? Because I chose to save sex for marriage? Is there anything I could have done that would have made her not cheat on me? Because in all honesty, right now I feel like a complete loser, and that I failed at something :/ I feel like something happened that wast fault

[Kalliope]

*hugs*

Not all pairings are meant to be. You and she have different core values, which would have doomed the relationship regardless of what any of her friends said or did.

You did the best you could. You were honest and true to yourself and your beliefs. If she wasn't prepared to handle that, then she wasn't really the type you're looking for. At least you have some experience under your belt, though it does suck to get hurt. :/

Your friends and family are right. You didn't do anything wrong.

[Silivren]

First off - any girl that will cheat on you ISNT WORTH IT! If she cheats she didnt love you end of story. She seemed to be the abusive one to you imo, letting her friend be that way with you. When you love someone you accept their values. You didnt do ANYTHING wrong. Dont you dare think you did Rot. And telling the truth is ALWAYS best even if it'll hurt, its better than living a lie. Here if you need to talk. (btw should totally add me on LoL Darth Imaudra xD)

[Rottingham]

Thank you both! I just have a feeling that there was something I could have done that would have saved us. I mean I've never felt this depressed, and the only time I havent slept this much before was when I had an intense version of the flu for a week straight.

@Kalliope
I know not all pairings are made to be, but when I eas with her even after her friend tried to force us together I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I'm just looking to get that happiness back. Right now I'm at home with a sling due to shoulder surgery, and have been for a month and a half (can't wait to get out of it in two days!) but since I haven't been able to work or drive I've just been sitting here thinking about it and it's getting worse... And my family all said that she said "love" too early. They're telling me that for next time if she says "love" in less than a month I need to get out of there lol! But yes, I do have done experience now I suppose

@Vulpixen
I'll be sure to add you next tine I'm on, but every time I've tried the past week the que has gotten up to a half hour to get in... And yeah, I know that she isn't worth it since she did that. And I never want to be with her again, trust me. But it doesn't mean I don't miss her. Or at least miss the things we'd do together. And trust me she was not abusive at all. As much as I cringe at thinking about her I have to be honest, she was (and probably is) a good, moral person do long as you don't through her friend in the mix. Her friend was the only person who talked to her and showed her compassion in high school so she feels she has a debt to pay. She told me this before her friend went psycho. Undortunatly, she tends to abuse her power of friendship, making her the abusive one in our triangle relationship.


Thanks again guys, as I said, just had to blow off some steam. My family is done from stories about her and I didn't want to tell my friends about it again, becaysevi think they're over her too

[bunni12]

Sorry to hear that you have been through this, you sound like a sweet caring sensitive person and there are not many people like that about so dont lose those special qualities. The friend sounds like a controling douch bag and for your ex to sleep with someone else on that friends suggestion, well thats just easily led and sheep like. It sounds like you are better off without this girl. You cant have three in a relationship and thats what would have happen with this friend sticking their nose in all the time. Your ex sounds like she has some self esteem issues to work on and sounds fragile.

Ref your feelings, unfortunately they cant be switched off like a light switch and they are real and you are probably griefing for the loss of the relationship (nomatter how weird it was or how it ended) its still a loss and you have to go through the grief process. It will get easier with time and you will feel better, its ok to feel sad and lost and miss that person so be kind to yourself.

One day you will fall head over heels with someone else and it will be wonderful and lovely and everything will fall into place and you will have the love of someone you deserve and she willl have a wonderful man who will treat her like a princess. It will get easier. Good luck and dont look back, you deserve to be treated better.

[Kalliope]

@Kalliope
I know not all pairings are made to be, but when I eas with her even after her friend tried to force us together I was the happiest I had been in a long time. I'm just looking to get that happiness back. Right now I'm at home with a sling due to shoulder surgery, and have been for a month and a half (can't wait to get out of it in two days!) but since I haven't been able to work or drive I've just been sitting here thinking about it and it's getting worse... And my family all said that she said "love" too early. They're telling me that for next time if she says "love" in less than a month I need to get out of there lol! But yes, I do have done experience now I suppose

Oh sure, it was a high point for you, but that doesn't impact the long run at all. The here and now can be happy on its own, regardless of the eventual outcome. Trying to get that particular happiness back by force isn't going to work; it can't be forced. The thing is, it will happen again, just in its own time. Forcing things like that just leads to lowering your own standards, which can often put you in a bad situation.

Dwelling is the worst part. I know you WANT to, but it's better to move on.

She did say "love" too early in that it was too early to actually tell. Some people operate on the here and now and how they feel at the moment, as opposed to waiting to think things through and see how they feel about a person in the long run. I wouldn't say to avoid girls who do that (since that's not practical either), just to be wary. If caution is unacceptable to them, then they wouldn't understand you anyway, so they filter themselves out. But the others might learn....but then, they might not. It's basically a warning to you to keep an eye out.

As for LoL queues, they've been dropping, depending on the time of day.

[Wain]

I'm sorry to hear about all that. From what you describe you did nothing wrong. You were completely honest. Never tell someone you love them just because they say it to you. Honestly, telling someone that you love them after three dates seems rather... unusual to say the least. My best guess is this girl is incredibly dependent. She lets her friend dominate her, which suits her possessive friend just fine, and she carried it over into her relationship with you until the friend poisoned it. It honestly sounds like she wasn't the best "first girlfriend" for you, but even bad experiences can be good experiences. When you do meet the right girl your previous experiences with relationships, bad or good, will help it go much more smoothly

[Rottingham]

Thank you all ^_^ it's going to take time, I know that. But I also know that it'll get better over time. I just wanted to get Sone outside views on it, just to see if there was anything wrong on my end. Thank you all very, very much!!!