Sex is for procreation

[Redith]

SO my friend is dating a realy sweet girl and they make an awesome couple. They didn't kiss until after dating for a month (her choice) but my friend liked her so much he went with it. Hes on the verge of falling for her...well he was until in a conversation she told him that her belief was sex is for making babies only. Even if they were married it would be the same thing. Hes at a loss and doesn't know what to do.
He thinks if he breaks up with her he will feel like a jerk for doing it just because of sex (I told him don't think of it that way, think of it more as a great difference that would cause undo friction.) Some friends say he should stick it out and maybie she will change her mind, I recomended he talk to her about how he feels.

Do you guys have any advice and also would any of you blame him if he broke up with her?

[cowmuflage]

No i would not. Sex is a important part to many people in a relationship. IF they don't see eye to eye about it they will not live a happy life together. Maybe at the start yes but once the pupply love goes away it wont. They should talk about it if she wont acept his feelings on the matter then yes I think spliting up would be the best thing to do. To me she sounds like she does not care what he thinks and that's not a good thing in a relationship. I can understand not wanting sex unless to make babies but unless both the people feel way that it wont work out in the long run.

I dated someone like that once. It did not end well.

[TygerDarkstorm]

I am of the firm belief that to have a successful relationship, you typically need good sex. I'm not saying that it's always the case, and I respect the people that prefer to wait for marriage to have sex, but there is a large number of relationships that fail because of a lack of sex or bad sex.

If he really likes this girl and really wants to try and work things out with her, I think he should sit down and have a chat with her and explain his side of things and his feelings. Certainly if he doesn't talk about it, it's potentially just going to boil up inside of him and lash out in a bad way.

On her side of things; I kind of understand where she's coming from and I think I might see a side to her actions. There's a good chance that she says she thinks sex is only for making babies to keep herself from risking getting hurt. There are so many bad sex horror stories out there that I think it scares a lot of people away from the deed. She could just be waiting for the "right" guy that's willing to go slow and show her he's there for the long run before she gives herself up. But, I could be totally wrong and she really does believe that sex is only for procreation (after all, humans are one of the only creatures on earth that has sex for fun and pleasure).

Also, Redith, I believe you were the one with a doctor for a mom or something? You could always try letting your friend know that there are actually health benefits to having sex as well; physical, emotional, and mental benefits. Obviously there's negatives of sex too and anyone partaking in the act should be careful, but it does bring a lot of positives as well.

[Rhyela]

Everyone has given such great advice that I can't really add much. I tried to wait until I was married to have sex. I ended up not quite making it but I did at least marry the man I did it with. I will say that sex is very important in a relationship. It often can make or break a marriage (and I've experienced the ups and downs of it) so it's best to confront this situation now before either person falls too much for the other. I'd hate to see two good people not make it because they weren't open about something this important in the beginning.

It seems unusual for anyone to say that they only see sex as procreation only. What is her family back story like? Not wanting to enjoy sex for the pleasure it gives suggests to me as an outsider that she's very guarded and stand-offish about it for a reason. Is it possible she was hurt when she was younger (though I hear that tends to make women go the opposite route and treat sex very casually)? Was she raised in a strict household that treated sex as something evil? There could be a lot going on and that's why I think it's very important that they confront this now, before it's too late.

I wish your friend luck!

[CrystalKitten]

I agree with pretty much everyone else. I'll also throw in a little bit of an additional opinion. And, as someone else said above, depending on her reasons for feeling this way, it could provide even bigger problems later, if they move in together and so on. But... This could be a potential clue that your friend and this girl's life believes are quite far apart. While it would be boring for people to want exactly the same thing (and this doesn't necessarily have to JUST apply to sex) in life.. if their beliefs are completely opposite in some certain areas (aside from sex vs no sex, I can also think of intensely career/success driven vs family is everything kind of examples), then there's going to be a lot of issues later on.

I agree with what Tyger said about them needing to have a big talk about it. Have him enforce that he doesn't want to pressure her, or something, but that he DOES really like her, and would like to know what lead to her opinions on sex (and then from there, maybe see if there's anything he can do to help if it is some kind of traumatic thing), as while it's not the most important thing, it is something that will matter to him some time down the road.

Also.. as to Tyger's comments about ONLY humans using sex for pleasure.. that's actually false, I believe. Unless it's been disproven recently, I believe that dolphins had once been thought to engage in sex when it wasn't "needed", and then I heard of some species of monkey where EVERYONE does it.. of all ages (even the sexually immature) so those monkeys definitely aren't doing it for procreation, heh.

[TygerDarkstorm]

If you actually read my statement I said "One of the only" not "The only."

[Lisaara]

I agree with most others here. Granted, me and my fiance have been together for 2 years and not had sex but it's long distance. Long Distance relationships are a lot differently handled than seeing someone in your town.

[Rawr]

Two words, makeup sex, every mature relationship needs it, and everyone feels better afterwards.

[CrystalKitten]

If you actually read my statement I said "One of the only" not "The only."

Ahh, my bad then. I'm so tired lately from loong days, reading doesn't go so well, heh.

[cowmuflage]

Allso the best stress releif is making the beast with two backs