Rant Thread

[cowmuflage]

I'm going to get mum to do something about that dolphin. It's scareing me now ;_;
But seeing as it's nighttime it will ahve to be tomorrow. Good thing it's monday then.

[Makoes]

Ever think about going out there are getting dolphine teeth as soviniers?

[Miyon]

Dolphin? O.o

Also. Fix that stupid internet so I can do What I love to do. You can't keep me from it forever. In a place like this, wow is a great thing to do. Gief back, I am walking on the walls. Had I been alone with no friends and no guild, it would have been different, but this is exactly like being away from a hobby you love, like archery, drawing, football, horseback riding and so on. I miss you PLS guys, very much.

I'm even starting to dream weird stuff again.

[cowmuflage]

Yes dolphin. I can't get to it as the mangroves are pretty nasty and the mud well I would sink up to my chest in it >.>

[CrystalKitten]

Nubs... just... I would personally suggest telling him that his actions are making you reconsider your relationship, and that while you don't like compromises, you don't WANT that to happen, but there NEEDS to be some give on his side in this situation. If he doesn't care.. then you have to wonder if it's still worth it, and if he's the same person he was. That's just me though, talking from a complete outside perspective. If rolls were changed.. don't know if I could do it, to be honest.. Actually.. .. Well.. this is touching on a topic which is still really close to me..

I'm over it damnit..sort of... All I miss is my best friend, who I had for long after the split.. I just.. wish I had the skills to be able to move on... And now.. Now people are making me want nothing to do with people... I want so DESPERATELY to not be alone.. I WANT to have someone to curl up with and watch tv with at night.. I WANT someone to nag me about needing to study.. I WANT to go out on weekends and go bowling, or laser tag.. or to the local bar/pub for some food with people... I MAYBE even want enough of a social life that I don't need WoW anymore to not be alone...

But right now.. WoW, and my few MSN friends are pretty much the only things giving me any faith in humanity. People say they care. That my friendship is REALLY important to me. Or that they WANT to help me. Or that we "should TOTALLY go out" sometimes... But then they throw me away like GARBAGE... Even worse than garbage.. (we have a 3-bag system here.. white, blue, and green.. white is all the non-compostable, non-recyclable stuff.. and as such.. is generally REALLY not smelly or anything, this will make the next sentence more clear...) I feel like that random white garbage bag that gets left in a corner.. Doesn't take up any space.. doesn't smell... doesn't get in the way... So it just get's left there... Doesn't even get bothered to be DEALT with.. And I can't deal with.. not knowing. I know people at this point say "well, it should be obvious" but... they don't know what things were like before.. Their definition of "best friend" pretty much included prolonged periods (yes, they even said years)of not talking... so wtf am I supposed to think?

Then there's the pity invites from my room mates... "Inviting" me somewhere.. and then just ASSUMING I won't be comfortable enough to go and not bothering to tell me when you're leaving doesn't HELP! Especially when I HAD decided I was gonna try tagging along.. It makes things WORSE. I was the kid where parents had to "force" their kids to invite me to parties... Or where I only made it onto teams because everyone HAD to be picked.. Or where when I was voluntarily invited.. it was usually because people felt bad for me and either didn't want me to come along.. or had ulterior motives for inviting me (like conversion.. People who find comfort in religion are great.. but I'm not one of them.. Please don't try and tell me it'll fix all my problems..).

Then I do a nice thing this weekend. I let my room mate chip in for my turkey day dinner... Which is a big thing.. Even though she should be paying me back (hasn't yet), sharing food is a REALLY touchy area for me... And holidays are an even MORE touchy area... SHe doesn't do the dishes the night before.. doesn't wake up til 11.. so I can't even START on making stuff til almost 1 (the kitchen was a huge mess.. dishes had to be done, then I had to clean the counters/sink).. turkey didn't get in til 2:30.. then I had a LOT of veggies.. they weren't all done til almost midnight.. But.. It's Turkey day. It's worth it. I did the hard work. Pushed off studying for the day so I could cook, did EVERYTHING (except her dishes before I started) myself... And that was okay...

However, then the turkey is done, and you ask ME to carve off your half... Telling me to just "put it where ever" ... NO! THAT IS NOT OKAY! "Oh wow, that looks sooooo good. Now can you just get my half of everything all separated and put away? I'm talking to some family I haven't talked to in a while" (family issues are one reason holidays are touchy for me...) ... NO NOT OKAY! Plus, you still haven't given me my $20 yet... But, I did it anyways. Cause at midnight you were still on your MSN call, and I HAD to get my half put away. So.. Whatever.. And if you got a little less than half cause there wasn't enough room in what you left out for me to put stuff away in, it's not my F-ING fault (also... I kept some of your skin.. cause I LIKE the skin, and my sister's always stole it.. and saying "awesome, that looks good, I wish you were a guy so I could propose" is NOT being greatful... Offering to help divy everything up is greatful... offering to do the DISHES from the dinner is greatful... So yes.. I kept a lot of your skin.. cause I LIKE the skin...). But then... you don't even bother to cover the food before you put it in the fridge! Sure.. yes.. it's your half (assuming you give me the $20 today...) but.. I worked really hard on that dinner... And now I'm going to have to watch as it goes all dry.. and possibly even inedible.. I HATE seeing food go to waste.. Seeing so much food go to waste that I spent so much time making is just.. REALLY not cool...

So.. People aren't really giving me much reason to have faith in people right now.. I want so desperately to NOT be alone right now.. but I don't handle hurt well.. even minor hurt... Like... A pity invite and not being told when you leave... So I feel like it's not even worth it... Why should I bother stressing myself to get over my social anxiety.. and risk being torn inside from hurt... Just because I really don't wanna be alone... I CAN be okay on my own.. Not great... I still get depressed... But most of my panic/anxiety/depression attacks generally happen because of people... And many people aren't willing to be put up with me.. I kind of need to be babied socially... Unlike many people, I grew up with literally no positive social interaction between about.. grade 5 and about midway through grade 9 (even when I started making friends in grade 9.. a LOT of really bad stuff started happening.. internally.. I maybe saw it as punishment.. like having to move shortly after making friends... TWICE.. and much worse). Not even within my family.. so I don't KNOW how to react around people, I don't KNOW how to make friends, or even how to initiate a conversation.. Even the most basic things, I have to be told.. Like.. "ask follow up questions" ... "Ask how they are doing" ... "Try to remember something they talked about, and ask about it later, like if they mention an exam, or trip"... and I have to CONSCIOUSLY remember this small, little things EVERY time I talk to someone, and tell myself in my head things like "Oh, don't forget you're supposed to say/ask _____ in this kind of situation".. And other things too.. like.. I'm a pretty open person.. I don't MIND talking about my shit.. but I've been told, and learned, it's not always a good place to start off (one exception I always allow myself to make is mentioning my social anxiety and roughly how it affects me.. just so people aren't overly shocked if I do something really weird), so sometimes I have to cut myself off before I say certain things.. Or.. I have to remember that when someone says "so why do/don't you _______" that they don't usually really care... or at least don't expect a big serious answer.. "It's complicated" has pretty much become one of my catch phrases...

I miss having a best friend.. but maybe it's better for me to just be alone.. I don't want to be... But.. there's less trouble that way...

Edit: A little bit later, I feel this rant was well needed. Definitely feeling a little better now... The problems are still there (though, my room mate DID cover her food this morning), and I'm not sure how I can deal with them... but I feel a bit better...

On another note.. I really HATE ultra restrictive papers (Ie... "use exactly 5 references, and can't be longer than 1 page 1.5 spaced")

[Schwert]

Wisdom Teeth got removed.

No pain from that.

I threw up for 24 hours from the pain meds and my stomach hurts terribly bad because of it.

[Aeladrine]

My room is so cold. /sob

[Chimera]

oh for the love o god noooo they already have 2 cats who are only a few years old and extremely active and quite a handful and the house's carpets and the couch has been shredded by them (this is why i am happy lucky doesnt have claws, even with a scratching post they choose other objects if they decide they dont want to hang by the scratching post AND between the two cats they only have one food and water dish and one litter box, the water dish rarely being cleaned, its slimy and the motor is full of hair by the time they do if i dont, the litter box is more crap and piss then litter by the time they change it, the cats will go a couple days with no food before they realize and go to the store to buy them food.

Their apartment isnt even supposed to have pets, its not allowed to have animals anywhere not even the lobby which is stone tile not carpet but they get away with it cause the apartment they're in is owned by someone who bought it out and is renting it out to them, and mom got the cats and said they'd be 'our cats' (aka her and my bf's) but nopee, it shortly became HIS cats so HE has to do ALL the work when SHE BOUGHT THEM WITHOUT TELLING HIM and now they have ANOTHER KITTEN WHEN THEY DONT EVEN PROPERLY TAKE CARE OF THE ONES THEY OWN

omfg im so mad right now im shaking so god damn badly i cant even pick up my drink and my mouth feels like a desert its so dry

[Novikova]

Yes, I'm glad you think anyone who spends XP at any sort of pace beyond 'absolute snail' is a horrible, horrible twink. But don't you think it's a bit shitty for a staff alt to say ON CHANNEL how much MORE awesome someone who doesn't spend their XP quickly is than people who do? God freaking forbid someone actually know what they want to buy instead of holding off.

Then you wonder why we have people hoarding XP because they're afraid you're going to blast them? Jesus, it's a pretendy fun time game. Yes, I realize it's your *opinion* but that doesn't mean it's not rude to express one that bashes people for (god forbid) spending their pretendy fun points! XP is there to -be- spent!

And why must my professors all decide to have their tests the same week.

[Lupis]

Feeling unskilled, uninspired, and overall pretty bleh.

[Novikova]

Eyestrain galore. It hasn't even been a year since I last got eyeglasses... it's likely allergies making my eyes crazy dry. AGH EYES.

[Chimera]

my turkey fcking sucked... i figured by how stepdad kept butting in while i was trying to prep it that it would be under seasoned cause he bagged it while i was brb from the kitchen thinking i was done (its ok tho, more turkey flavor) but he kept fiddling with the tempature. i had it at 420 for 20min and dropped it to 250 after and let it sit (was supposed to be at 250 for 4 hours) and through the whole cooking process it repeatedly went anywhere from 300 to 400 cause he kept complaining that the oven isnt hot enough and that we'd end up eating at midnight soo... under seasoned, breast meat dry as bone, dark meat sorta dry, no where near a delicious as i know it can be and it was ungodly chewy.. /sigh i hate cooking new things when hes home. i really really do.

[Miraga]

I have a stupid 4 hour lab tomorrow. It's going to be really boring!

[Chimera]

im trying not to feel impatient that i made like a dozen posts, followed all the posting rules they put down for adopting, specifications, and for one in particular looked up norse names so i can try and aquire the white kitsune hatchlings and a few other kinds of hatchlings and now im sitting here bored cause i got nuffin to do at 10pm (i wish i could draw.. i still gotta see the doctor.. but gotta ensure my medicals covered, i sent the letter in but im not 100% sure if it went through) and i want mah mass army of kitsunes ><

[Senna-Umbreon]

Holy hell I think some really angry storm God is taking out their anger on where I live. SO MUCH WIND AND RAIN. Not to mention the lights in the room I'm in flickered a few minutes ago.. Jeez, talk about a freakin' storm.

Also, I'm freezing. Ughh.. *Clings to her blankets*

[Nubhorns]

I hurt so much. u_u

[Worba]

I hurt so much. u_u

[Nubhorns]

I hurt so much. u_u

it's not looking so hot. Had another argument, one which I gave up on and just let him vent and, at the end of the day, it's all up to him what he does, but as much as I love him I know when to let go. Or at least loosen my grip a little. I'll see what he says, but I know I got a little too focused on me, or on him, instead of us.

It hasn't really sunk in yet, otherwise I wouldn't be feeling so calm. Empty, I guess. It's not the end of the world so I don't want to overreact, but...

[Worba]

Just give it time. You are respecting your own boundaries and that's important; you can compromise on a lot of things but there are a few you need to hold firm on, and let him make his own choices - and you are.

In the meantime you are never alone, and have lots of friends here. Chin up.

[Tufak]

To my Crazy Neighbor,

If you 'just happen' to come outside when I'm in the process of making the two or three trips to take out the trash and then start 'casually' talking about how 'somebody' keeps throwing trash on your lawn, I'm not so stupid as to miss the accusation in your voice and eyes. I've seen the trash that ends up on your lawn before and I can promise that it isn't ours. The brands are not brands that we buy, our trash is bagged and tucked into a trash can to keep local dogs from tearing it up.

Yes, there was the single incident where our trash was left outside a can and a dog tore it up and scattered it on your lawn. As soon as I found out, I moved to clean it up and we got a second trashcan then to prevent it happening again.

And the fact that I commiserate about how trash blows onto your lawn (just as it does mine and the lawns of over neighbors), doesn't mean that I want to spend thirty minutes listening to your theories on how the only reason you didn't get x promotion is because a.) you're a woman or b.) you didn't sleep with your boss. I also don't want to hear you talk about how lazy my SO must be since you always see me working on the house and never see him doing so. My SO works forty hours a week at a job that is emotionally taxing, whether or not it is physically so. Also, I don't trust him with my tools. So yeah, he gets home from work and watches the twins while I go outside to haul fallen limbs to the curb or pick up trash that blew onto our lawn, etc.

Finally, yes, our house is in bad shape. It was in bad shape when we moved in and we've made improvements as we could. If the prior owner were still here, then likely the front wall would never have been replaced (even when the window fell out of it), the massive dead tree in the back would never have been cut down and hauled off, the carpet stained with animal urine and feces would never have been torn out and hauled off and the gutters that fell down wouldn't have been picked up and moved to the garage for the day that we're someday able to put them back up.

I know that you're a 'good, Christian woman' and that you're upset to have a pair of gay men living next door to you, but we are -not- going out of our way to persecute you and we do our best to prevent doing so when we're able. So please, return the favor and let us live in peace.

Thank you,

Mason