Looking into Moving Out

[Miyon]

The silence sounds lovely.. too bad we live on different sides of the world :p
We're gonna struggle again when we move back to the city to go to uni (we live with his parents right now, to ease us from some of the stress). I am mostly silent aswell, and tend to like to be alone. I easily get headaches when there is a lot of noise around me, but I am rather peaceful, and I'd like to think I'm easy to be with, except I have a hard time making friends. I don't trust anyone, and I think it shows..

[CrystalKitten]

Xakaal, a lot of my fears were the same as your. But they turned out okay. I found a large room for $600 (all inclusive, share internet between 4 of us). So I can stay in privacy when I want to, but when I DO feel like not being alone. I have that option.

As to the people that say no pets allowed. Not sure if you've looked into the residence laws there, but here in Ontario, it's illegal for them to say that. They can only say that if you're sharing the house with the owner (ie.. sharing the kitchen, bathroom, etc. If it's a separate, legal apartment...they CAN'T stop you unless there's health issues.. even if there's room mates).

You just have to be prepared. This is going to be a HUGE adjustment, and there's going to be things you don't think of. You'll likely need... I'd say triple rent for when you first move in (first/last, and moving costs). I've pretty much done the "move out of 'home'" thing twice... Once when I left my mom's, and again when my ex and I split and I moved for university. You'll think it'll all be good, but it'll be rough. ESPECIALLY if you're considering moving out with your boyfriend. You need to have plans for what will happen if something happens between you two. It's not pleasant to think about, but if he's the only one that has credit, and a job capable of sustaining living expenses, you need to know what you will do if you guys split up... or just can't handle living with each other. I don't wanna seem a downer, but it happened to me. Minimum wage will also likely not support you solo, if you're counting on that if something happens (personal experience).

Hearing about your situation at home, I'm not sure if there's a better solution, but it's definitely something that needs to be considered.

[Chimera]

Actually, most places are shutting animals out, landlords dont want animals because of the natural destructive behaivor and noise they can come with. The building Ronyo lives in doesnt allow pets but they had absolutely no choice financially when his mom's ex got them kicked out of their old place (also no-pets) by having his dog come over all the time. They snuck their cats in and will get kicked out if they're caught with them. The damage the cats have done to the house is extroardinary as well, they've destroyed the couch, a few other furniture items, the dining room chairs, and they've peeled half of the carpet in Ronyo's bedroom door way right off the floor.

Whether its illegal or not with living in dorms close to post secondary (which i think is what your talking about?) i dont know, but its definitely not illegal if the landlord says no since most apartments and rented houses are becoming this way. Our co-op passed a restriction that we can have a maximum of one pet, down from a max of two but those who had two before the new restriction are under the grandfather clause.

Im not pushing out the idea of being with strangers all together, its just not the preferred way i want to start things out. My little order of decision currently (always subject to change over the course of my research): living with bf ---> living with random roommate(s) ---> living with family.

I definitely know that its gonna take a lot of money if we cant get friends and family to help us move but if we can get the help, our moving costs wont actually be as scary as they currently seem, it'd only be expensive to rent the vehicle if we supply our own labour. Minimum wage is increasing as well, Ronyo is earning current minimum wage and he makes $1,570 a month from working full time, and the government isnt done increasing it. If i can get full time, i can live well with Ronyo or a random roommate.

In terms of schooling, being in Richmond in general is a huge boon since i have easy access to Vancouver and Burnaby where all the major schools are and I can probably find part time courses for what im looking into getting into, even if i dont evne take college courses but rather hand-taught courses since i have good contacts now in the world of animal related careers. Im also able to qualify to take my drivers test to get my N in august so if i can get driving training so i can pass the test, i can continue to use transit until we've gotten to a point where we can pay for insurance and gas for Ronyo's car (he has one but doesnt have his L, he inherited it from his grandfather).

If i end up with a random roommate, i can still drive and all i'd have to do is commit to transit until i can save up the money to buy a car since i'll probably have enough for insurance and gas with how inexpensive the rent with some of these random roomies costs. That is, if i have a full time job. I can also keep saving my money and stockpiling it so that when im ready to continue my schooling, if it requires i go on hiatus for a while, i'll have a bank full of money to pay the bills. I'll have a better idea on this whole situation soon enough, at this moment right now im just waiting for stepdad to come home so i can find out how much he spends on the house and also dealing with the last little bits of my course at the zoo so i can get my reference, resume, and certificate. Im just dealing with one test and a handful of projects now.

[cowmuflage]

Does your BF have like cousins you could flat with?

[Chimera]

He has one cousin here in the lower mainland, everyone else lives in the interior or britan (long lost family re-discovered actually). Unfortunately that cousin is 11 years old and lives with his moms sister and mother who already take up all the bedrooms ._. They also already have a huge black labrador (like ungodly huge, she can wrap her arms around your shoulders) and a cat who always lives upstairs.

I would take a stab at the twins Zoe and Camile but i dont know where they live anymore. It'd be too akward asking their mom since her bf and baby all live together. The mom is amazing, so nice, but im sorta iffy with the fact that they already are taking care of a baby and that my presense there is not like her kids and it might be weird (plus they live in a two bedroom so i would have nowhere to have my stuff). Ive never met their dad tho and again, i dont know where they live, but they're really awesome and i wouldnt be against staying with them. Dunno if they'd have room for me tho and what pets they have, if any.

I dont dare stay with Ronyo's best friend cause their house is awful and the parents are awful and the brother is awful, nor with his best friend's ex who im still friends with cause her parents are also awful and yell at eachother a lot. Plus both of them already have a crapton of animals. Andrew (the best friend) has a dog and three cats, and his ex has a magician for a dad who has two rabbits and a coop of doves and a cat and budgie. Everyone has pets ._. its so difficult to find someone who doesnt have pets or at least ones that are of at least the same species..

[CrystalKitten]

Nono, legality as in whether ANY place can deny pets. Here, it's ILLEGAL to kick someone out because of pets unless it's a health/safety issue. The landlord CANNOT use damage risk as a reason, as it's accepted that any property damage will have to be covered by the tenant when they move out (or I guess if the damage provides a safety risk).

A quick search shows that the laws in BC are different though :/ So I guess you'd be out of luck there. We're lucky here in Ontario, I guess, in that landlords absolutely can't deny ANY kind of pet that is legal to own within the municipality (unless, as I said it's a health/safety risk.. like someone in the house has allergies, or it's a dangerous untrained dog or something).

And I guess... if you've thought everything through already, good job. But I still say make sure you know what you're going to do IF things don't work out living with your boyfriend... Living with someone is a HUGE deal... And it can actually be WORSE living with someone you're close to, before you're ready, than living with some random people. Because random people you don't really care that much about.. heh

[AdamSavage]

Nono, legality as in whether ANY place can deny pets. Here, it's ILLEGAL to kick someone out because of pets unless it's a health/safety issue. The landlord CANNOT use damage risk as a reason, as it's accepted that any property damage will have to be covered by the tenant when they move out (or I guess if the damage provides a safety risk).

A quick search shows that the laws in BC are different though :/ So I guess you'd be out of luck there. We're lucky here in Ontario, I guess, in that landlords absolutely can't deny ANY kind of pet that is legal to own within the municipality (unless, as I said it's a health/safety risk.. like someone in the house has allergies, or it's a dangerous untrained dog or something).

And I guess... if you've thought everything through already, good job. But I still say make sure you know what you're going to do IF things don't work out living with your boyfriend... Living with someone is a HUGE deal... And it can actually be WORSE living with someone you're close to, before you're ready, than living with some random people. Because random people you don't really care that much about.. heh

I was going to say the same thing, but you beat me to it.

[Chimera]

Yea our province sucks on many levels. Fish and Wildlife passed a fake law that banned well over a thousand species of exotic animals and those that werent sent to new homes in time were all euthanized. We've found out that it wasnt even a real law to begin with and theres some members of the educational trade who work with them that are currently sueing the government over it. Our weather sucks, our government sucks, our animal control and saftey sucks, or transportation sucks, our wages suck, our living costs suck, we just plain out suck if you dont make a lot of money.

Ive grown to not look at things as blindly as i once did, when it comes to relationships mostly that is. Ive been through a lot of terrible times in that field in highschool and i see a little more clearly then i used to. I try to make things work, i dont give up but im no longer just going to look the other way if i think things are going downhill. We've had a lot of bumps from the influence of other more malicious people trying to butt in but his past relationships were very different then mine. He's always trying to make sure that im not going to bail out on him.

Ive never inquired to what his past relationships were like, but it seems like they were a little on the ignorant side, taking him for granted and thinking they can push him around. His friends used to tell me during our first year together how much better he seemed since he met me, how much more fun he had become. He hasnt changed how he reacts towards me since the day i met him and thats what i like, he has always given me the perfect amount of space and attention when i want it, he isnt lazy if i need him to do something for me, so i wont feel like im a mom cleaning up after him XD He can cook so we can take turns cooking or cook together, and if im ever feeling strung out or stressed out, he gives me space unless i want cuddles from him.

But of course we dont live in the same place together which can change a lot of things. But he tries to keep things together just as much as i try to so its not like either of us are taking it more upon ourselves to keep the relationship functioning. If it truly begins to go downhill and things are truly turning sour (which is reletively easy to tell with him, hes very expressionative and its easy to tell if somethings bothering him) and as much as either of us try to pull it together, if i realize that we're growing distant and we cant bring ourselves back together by addressing the issue, then i'll go over the plans of moving with him and i'll get my priorities straightened out so that i can find my own place, and help him get his in order so he can find his own place (this is especially why i want two bedrooms. If either of us need space, we have the second bedroom to go to, and it makes it easier on us if we do happen to be feeling distant and are looking into separating).

Irregardless of how i feel towards him, i'll never simply abandon him and im hoping that even if we grow distant, should we happen to do so, that we'll be able to help eachother pursue our own goals, whatever they might be. Im getting him into this mess and i will definitely not leave him to clean it up. It'll haunt me forever i swear. But im hoping that it'll have a positive effect on us. If i didnt feel like he or i could handle it i'd be budgeting for only myself. But we shall see, we shall see~ ^^

[CrystalKitten]

It's all well and good to say "We think we'll stay amicable and be able to help each other".. But what IF you don't? I know it's harsh to think of. But it happened to me. Me and my ex stayed best friends for quite a while. But, because I wasn't FULLY prepared to support myself (or even capable of doing so), resentment built, until he turned into an ass and just stopped talking to me (didn't even say why, never told me what happened, even kept our damn joint account active with HIS bills which would come out of MY account if he forgot to put money in).

It's a HUGE step, especially at a relatively young age. It's almost EXACTLY what I did. I'm not saying assume it's going to happen. But make sure that you have a backup plan just in case things go so terribly wrong and you can't live together any more (I mean.. what happens for example if you two break up, and you're relatively friendly about it, you move to separate rooms... and one of you starts dating again? What if for one reason or another the split isn't mutual?).

I really do hope things work out however you want them to. But when it comes to thinking survival (which is why you're considering moving out in the first place, from what I've gathered), you don't want to just back yourself out of one corner and into another.

[cowmuflage]

It's allways the best to look on the bad side when moving in with your partner. Cos what you feel now might not be what you feel in a week

But I'm that kind of person allways thinking of the worst XD

[Chimera]

If i feel like i cant support myself enough to get out of the house and into a new place with a random roomie i'll talk to my family, like, there -are- rooms i can live in with them, but the demands they want make it a lot more convinient for me to just stay on my own. But that's the last ditch effort decision. We both already know his mom will take him back in a heartbeat if he cant live on his own and unlike i am, he isnt against becoming a roomie with one of his obnoxious friends if he had to, nor are they unwilling to have him either (Michael keeps wanting him to rent with him actually, it was becoming so bad it was at the point of a daily pestering. But Ronyo and i go insane around him. Hes very narcissistic).

If we cant stand eachother long enough for us to find our own respective places, we can call upon our families to help us. Especially if the feeling isnt mutual or it starts to become too akward or if we cant find places to move to either cause we just cant plain out find them, get accepted, or cause we're too financially drained to meet the immediate demands. Thats the one good thing i have to say about my family. No matter what, i know im always ensured a place to stay. Its just that i really dont like them and they demand too much of me too soon without giving me any method of preparation. His family is a lot more kind, like, majorly. I'd kill for them to adopt me haha XD

And i really dont know how to respond to this phonecall i just got. Its from a place called Easyhome. They mentioned something about references and furniture, something to do with a 65% (i was sort of derpin' out cause i cant really say if its a scam or not since i havent heard of em) but they said that they upgrade your furniture and appliances and electronics or you can outright buy them too if you dont have one to upgrade.. im gonna research it cause it sounds amazingly useful if its real o_O

Edit: HAHAHAHA ITS REAL AND ITS LEGIT!!!! http://www.easyhome.ca/easyhome/home.aspx

Haaaaahahahaha omg wheeeeee omg you guys have no idea how big my smile is and how excited i am about this, omg my face hurts im gleeing too much

Another edit: *cough* ok, im better now haha, im not jumping head first into it, i do believe everything is sale price but they have payment methods that go over time rather then all up front and its perfect for people who are moving out on their own for the first time. No credit score needed, no down payments, full warranty, customized payment plans, same day delivery and set up, etc, etc. Its totally awesome!

They even have a 'How it Works' with video http://www.easyhome.ca/easyhome/howitworks.aspx

Anooother edit: The stuff there is amazing but its top end expensive brand names. Calculating the prices and weeks i have to pay, they are ungodly expensive. I will definitely be looking at 2nd hand stuff until i feel comfortable enough down the road to invest in some of the things they have to offer. This website is like a dream store for people who are just starting out but who have secure jobs. But still, totally loving it all lol.

[Wain]

It sounds like a lot of people have given you great advice (or things to consider) already, so I'll just say I hope you find a good place

I think the two of you will benefit and learn from living together, having to strike compromises all the time instead of just some of the time, recognizing and allowing each other some space and alone time when you need it, etc. Every couple has to learn this eventually

It's a shame you can't find a third person you can trust who could share with you and split the bills. It makes things so much easier and can add a pretty cool dynamic to the house. But it sounds like you've put a lot of thought into this already so I think you have the skills to face any problems that arise

[Chimera]

Yea i'll be taking everything spoken here into account. I'll be looking back on this thread as i progress through the steps incase i see things in a new light or someones advice pops out more prominently then it is now and sort of to see if i really feel like i am on the right track. We doooo have people we can trust, like, i have no quarrel with having Devon or Michael or both living with us trust-wise (well, ok cept the video game, noise, and possible destruction of property) its just that we can only handle them in small amounts.. And i have yet to really feel the pressure so i really feel looking back on this thread will help me out since pressure does strange things and right now i totally feel like im all talk, i feel super confident right now cause it seems so distant right now. I kinda have yet to get hit with reality. Im sorta just waiting for the wake up call

[cowmuflage]

Oh one more thing get used to eating pot noodles and the cheapest cuts of meat. You'll save alot of money that way.

[Chimera]

I'll be buying my own food and he'll be buying his, cheaper that way imo so i dont buy stuff i think he'll like but never ends up eating.

Though ive decided i will change my course of action. Last night while i was playing Skyrim i was contemplating more about how i was gonna tackle this, sorta reminding me all i gotta do and look into. I realized then that while because my situation is a lot more dire, and cause we cant support ourselves long enough to survive the winter without stepdad having a steady job, Ronyo and his mom can.

But.

His mom would need to look for a new place of her own if Ronyo moved out cause she wouldnt be able to keep a two bedroom place without someone sharing the rent with her. The time it would take to give her time to find a place and settle down, especially cause shes an accountant and its tax season right now, its just not an option at this point in time. I know i'll need to find a new place to go by the end of summer at least unless i can find work out here that i can hold onto until at least spring. Even if i get a part time job, if i can make enough to pay say, $700-800 a month for all my necessities and covering pet costs and any hidden things i might suddenly have to pay with a random roomie who's already established, thats a lot better then paying say, $1000 a month on myself, pets, hidden costs. Ronyo and i would of course split the pet vet bills but i cant make that kind of wage a month on a part time job. I'd be too dependant on Ronyo and my bank would be heavily strained.

As much as i hate the idea and do believe me i am cringing at it, rethinking what sort of budget i can sucessfully bring in a month plus what kind of budget i'd be looking at a month depending on what kind of food and luxuries i lived off of, i would be better off paying only like, 400-500 rent with the utilities included rather then a minimum of 600-800 (depending on what the persons charging) a month for the same thing.

Now that ive gotten that straightened out for the most part, realizing that the 3rd party (parents) are making it impossible to tackle such a thing time-wise and the possibility that i may end up with a part-time instead of a full-time and remembering that i never actually made a whole lot when i did work part time in the past, ive come to determine that i would be digging myself a big hole. My only difficult task now is to get a job, hold it down, and find a roommate that i feel i can get along with that accepts me and my pets.

[cowmuflage]

you can't get your government to give you money? I know people in your situation here can get living costs so they can pay the bills basicly intill they can gte a job.

[Chimera]

I'll have to ask Ronyo's mom about that. I know that i can apply for low income cause i havent made the maximum requirement this year (or even for the past 2 n a half years) but thats only $149 every 3 months for a year.

[cowmuflage]

oh that sucks. Well I hope this gets sorted out for you!

[Chimera]

Me too XD but for now im gonna go job hunting. I got my resume's printed out now and im just waiting for the part of the hour that i leave to catch my bus to civilization. It only runs every half hour so i leave in about 10min and catch it just a block from my house

[Miyon]

Oh one more thing get used to eating pot noodles and the cheapest cuts of meat. You'll save alot of money that way.

Sure it may save money, but it may take a toll on her health if it goes on for too long. Oh well