((Varethyn casually tosses a [Random 1p Coin].
It lands tails-up for Kalimdor!))
Dear diary
I'd flown back to Mudsprocket to check up on Lied, who seems happy enough. As I suspected I overheard a couple of goblins planning to use him for entertainment purposes. I don't like the idea, however they are still low on supplies, so whatever gets the money rolling I guess. While I was there a night elf named Thyssiana grabbed me by the shoulder and begged that I fly to New Thalanaar in Feralas immediately. Sounds like they're having their own trouble. I poked the goblin flightmaster for an emergency trip to Feralas. Well, I intended to but Bolero decided he wanted a kip in a nearby mudpit. I was startled by the mount the goblin gave me to ride: another hippogryph but this one was a silver white, possibly even more beautiful than the humming bird-plumaged ones. She nimbly grabbed the croc by his thick tail and hauled him over to Thalanaaar.
By Greymane, what is going on here? As soon as I landed (with a rather grumpy Bolero ungracefully dumped behind me) I was met with a battle scene. The Grimtotems didn't confine themselves to Dustwallow. My first task is obvious.
Caryssia Moonhunter greeted me between parries and counter-attacks, explaining in gasps that the Grimtotem caught them off-guard. She told me to speak with another elf, Rendow, and take a boat out to a barge manned by gnomes and goblins. They have more need of my aid than here at New Thalanaar now that I've helped clear some of the Grimtotem out.
Bolero, lazy as he is, tried to ride in the boat with us but the sentinal taking us out had none of it. It took some doing but somehow I convinced him to follow in the water. We eventually arrived at the giant barge, the sentinal telling me to speak with the gnome in charge here, Fizzle Brassbolts. Apparently these goblins can't be trusted.
Well, Fizzle is an extremely impatient little man, opting to continue his argument with Pozzik, the goblin in command. Apparently they can't settle on who's barge this is, despite the fact they run it together. Goblins and gnomes, kind of like pirates and ninjas. Always at each others' throats. The gnome told me, briefly, to speak with another gnome named Jinky instead, at the same time thrusting a parts list into my hands. I -guess- he wants me to deliver it to her.
Nothing is ever simple. Trust me. Jinky firmly believes that the speedbarge is her's because she built it. I can't prove anything so keep me out of the argument. She swiped the list then spat, saying she didn't have half the parts listed. Guess what? I've been elected to get more. Where am I going to get those from? Jinky pointed downwards and gave me a helmet and flippers. That explains it... Wet again. I've heard tales of the vast desert of Tanaris. Can't I go there instead? So much less water to get wet in there...
At least this helm is a lot nicer than the one I was given in Dustwallow. It's kind of like a big bubble. Bolero seems so much at home here too, even if the water is a tad saltier. While I was gathering any parts I could find I was surprised to hear a tiny voice coming from an outhouse at the bottom of the lake. I guess someone got stuck in there when it went overboard and now the door is stuck with air fast running out. There are pirates and treasure hunters swimming about down here, maybe one has a crowbar or something I can use.
With the gnome saved and my arms full of parts (with a couple more shoved into Bolero's jaws for good measure) I returned to the barge. Jinky took the parts but said nothing more, so I took the time to explore the barge a bit. Another gnome, Fizzle's brother Rizzle as it happened, was so infuriated with the goblins that he told me to start a bar fight and blame it on the green midgets. Not my idea of passing time but if something gets done...
Ow, ow, ow. I don't know if that solved anything but now I have a massive headache. I ordered a bottle of standard grog and smashed it over the head of the closest goblin. Almost instantly the bar turned into a brawl. I got hit a few times myself. I'll be pulling fragments of glass out of my fur for a while. As I left another bottle flew over my shoulder and collided with another goblin, knocking her out. Goblins and gnomes. Go figure. At least Rizzle seems pleased. He even invited me to do it as many times as I like. I think I'll pass.
Besides, the barge is on fire! The pirates I'd seen before have brought their ships in and are shooting us... with accuracy I'd never believed a pirate could have! Jinky called me up and told me to use a special boat armed with a water gun to put the fires out, then deal with the greater threat, pirates approaching the barge via rowboat, with its cannon.
Even with the boats sunk there's still the matter of those blasted cannons. Jinky doubts the pirates know much in the form of engineering, and so clogging the weapons shouldn't be a hassle. Jinky allowed me to take the boat I'd borrowed to get over there. It feels good to have decent transport in a sunken place such as this. I'd ride Bolero, but I expect the lazy thing would just float there like a log unless I hang a chunk of meat in front of him.
Before I headed out a group of gnomes asked for various favours. First was Mazzer Shripscrew, asking that I keep an eye out for his working partner Brivelthwe... Brivalthwap? Braviltwerp? Brivelthwop... A gnome working on some experiment or other. Mazzer also wants me to deliver a strange, cold device to him. Next was the gnome I'd saved from the outhouse, Drag Master Miglen. The pirates had locked him in there and now wants a bit of payback. Who can blame him? At least the outhouse was clean. Finally Rizzle again asked me to look for his other brother Wizzle, afraid that the pirates may have kidnapped him while he'd tried to sell them engineering parts.
I had a little more fun than I should have, clogging up the cannons while Bolero distracted the sailors by eating their parrots.
True to form, Wizzle had indeed been captured by the pirates and the key was held by their admiral, Tony Two-Tusk. But he was hiding away behind some ogres that “I'll never be able to kill”. If you say so. Plan B: distraction. Booze doesn't interest ogres as much as the other pirates but treasure will get their eyes glinting. According to Wizzle the pirates had a ship full of treasure that was sunk by a whale shark. Maybe I can salvage some.
Thank Greymane that thing is dead; I'd hate to meet a living whale shark.
Unsurprisingly the pirates were in full swing trying to salvage their treasure, and some put up a tough fight. Bolero was hungry though, and wound up devouring a couple. I'm glad he's my pet, though I bet that doesn't necessarily take me off his menu.
When I showed the treasure I'd collected to Wizzle (followed by a fairly bloated Bolero) he told me it was all fake! Figures. But it was realistic enough that the ogres should fall for it. All I need to do is give it to them and hope they accept it then find Tony inside his cave.
Tony Two-Tusk had a few tricks up his sleeve. Behind him were a bunch of treasure chests, one of which he jumped into. By some kind of magic -I assume it was magic- he appeared from another chest while pirates armed either with flamethrowers or bombs appeared in the other. Once or twice he even made a copy of himself. Eventually though we cornered and killed him. I had to persuade the croc not to eat his body. He lagged behind on the way out though, so I suspect he ate it while I wasn't looking anyway.
Of all the luck, the key broke! And to make matters worse Tony's ghost is haunting me! What did I do to deserve all this? He told me to find his ex-wife Ajamon for some reason. If it makes him stop following me, by all means!
I don't think I want to know what's going on here. At first Ajamon wanted nothing to do with my plight, but quickly changed her mind when she remembered something. She said she'd resurrect him, but first he needs a new body. This includes some parts from some of his closest friends: the captains of three ships docked below. The things I do.
At the behest of Tony's ghost, while he wasn't either trying to persuade me to join his “cause” or reminding me why he's following me, I removed the not-so-evil heart from Evil Dolly, the blackened lungs of Seadog Fajardo and the pickled liver of Lilly Landlubber. Pirates simply do not care for their bodies it seems. Tony doesn't seem to care. I had to store them securely in my pack to stop Bol from snapping them up. Even after he ate the corpses of the captains and their crews. Honestly, that crocolisk.
Ajamon wasn't impressed by the state of the organs either, saying they'll have to do since Two-Tusk didn't have many friends. Next we need to make him a body. This normally would've been made from his family but since that's only Ajamon and her sister's child she said no to that in a hurry. Instead I'm to collect the carcasses of the animals that drowned after the Cataclysm sent the water rushing in here. I'm glad as fel that she isn't making me a new body.
Turtles, scorpids, basilisks and vultures... Truthfully I feel worse for the poor creatures than Tony. I can think of plenty of other ways their bodies could've been useful. Besides food for Bolero. Does that reptile ever get full? My expedition to search for corpses brought me to where Boveltwip was working and decided to pay him a vist. He's making ice-cream. All the way out here. I'll not ask. Trade secret sometimes need to remain trade secret, you know? Especially now he's decided to use his latest setback as his latest flavour. Giant bug-like creatures called silithids! Disgusting. Remind me never to sample any Breddleltharp-branded ice-cream. The giant insects also killed all of the gnome's employees and asked that I save what corpses haven't been eaten... or are about to be. Yes Bol, I'm talking to you.
First there were the huge bugs, then there was the HUGE bug.
There also seems to be no end of them, which both good and bad. Well, all bad in my case. Bad obviously because they are nasty. And “good” because Bogglethop will have a near-endless supply of ingredients for his “silithid flavoured” ice-cream. Gnomes... Having collected enough goo from the bugs and roped in as many corpses as I could save Brizzeltarp sent me back down with the device I'd given him. His current ice-cream stores are melting because the silithids damaged the machinery. This device should kick the pipes back into freeze-mode.
Then there was the "Holy fel what was THAT?" bug. ...Except I've never known a bug to have a brain like that. Exposed too. Ugh. Whatever it was seemed to be the main cause of the situation. Braggletwap should be pleased to know that thing's gone.
He was, and so am I. Though I'll be suspicious of any ice-cream anyone gives me for some time. Time to deliver the carcasses to Ajamon, these things are starting to smell ripe.
One last thing before Tony Two-Tusk can finally be resurrected, mojo. Or magic. While Ajamon herself has powerful mojo there's no way she's dying for Tony, ex-wife or not. Instead there is an old mage that's gone crazy living in the mountains. The troll gave me a stick that will draw the mage's soul out once I kill him and sent me through a portal she opened.
The magus was busying himself by... harrassing chickens. He especially held some hatred for the largest one. I wonder why? Well, we'll never know beyond simple madness, as his soul belongs to me now. ...Fel that was dark.
Now that all the pieces have been assembled Two-Tusk can finally be brought back. Ajamon barely flicked her wrist and there he was, good as new. Kind of. His wife did a very good job; he doesn't look like he's made of dead animals and mistreated organs.
Tony ran off back to his haunt telling Ajamon he'll see her tonight. Aja responded by saying he wouldn't because she's “summoning a date”. Given what I just went through I dread to know what that means. Anyway, time to return to the barge and give everyone the good news.
Turns out I missed a few cannons, or didn't clog them well enough, as the pirates were still shooting. However we're taking a lot less hits so I got the worst lot. Fizzle called me in to congratulate me on a job well done... by sending me on another. Can it wait? I'm soaked and tired and reek of dead things. Back later diary.