WoW Petopia Community

I know everyone says it's wrong.. Keep thinking what my friend would say if he knew. But if he doesn't wanna be there as a support person right now, I will get through this in whatever way works for me. THIS works for me. Channels the anger, and hate, and sadness. It's EASY to be strong for it. I KNOW what it is.. where it came from.. why it's there. I can actually watch it heal. Unlike all the crap and pain in my head. I don't know why I have that. I was near hysterical an hour ago.. and now... I'm not completely okay, but I'm a little better. If my friends don't like that, then they should be the support person that I need. Doesn't mean they have to try and "fix" my depression... just be my friends. SHOW me (rather than just me trying to remember/believe it) that they are my friends. That I'm not completely alone. I know people say "you need to be okay on your own"... But it's different being okay when you're by yourself, than when you're alone. "By yourself" means that you know you have people. People that will be there in the case of an emergency. People that will care about you no matter what. People to hug you... Most people inherently have that... it's called family. I don't. I'm feeling alone. Which is different. It's the feeling that if something happened nobody would know for weeks. When people found out.. they wouldn't care. It's the feeling like when I severely injured my ankle, and had nobody to help me get to the hospital. When I COULDN'T let it rest because there was nobody to bring me food, or drinks, I had to do everything myself. I can be okay by myself. I've been okay by myself when I knew that there was someone if I DID fall hard. It's easy to be okay by yourself. It's NOT easy to be okay alone. Strangers and groups don't work. In my mind, they care because they're supposed to. So anyways... if my friends don't want to keep me company when I'm like this. I'll get through it how I have to. I'll do what I have to, to get through the pain. Even if people don't like it.


((note, I know that I have friends on here... but it... just isn't the same. I can have all the online friends in the world.. but having that doesn't really get rid of most of the things I used to define "being alone"))

People with zero powers of observation who nonetheless freely form assumptions and feel compelled to blurt them out the very nanosecond they think of them.

Then for bonus points when their assumptions are shredded with facts, they resort to "lol".

I almost thought I was starting to get better. I'd have anywhere from hours, to almost a full day where I wasn't okay, but I wasn't really bad either. But then it got really bad again. Like really bad. Really really bad. I really don't want to deal with this anymore. I wish I could hang out with my friends... I want to see my friends right now Or even just chat with them. But I can't... oh well.. It's just getting really bad again.. and I don't like it.

Well, I want to make a bit of a rant. Today I lost my job. I thought I was doing so well during my first month and I thought my diligence would be rewarded for the hours I sit in front of a computer doing Excel spreadsheets. Today, I ripped off my timecard because due to the fact that I was fired and I didn't deserve the money earned for this week. I usually don't take rewards if I don't feel my work is appreciated. I really was enjoying my job, despite the fact it does sound boring doing the same thing over and over. This is actually the second time I got the pink slip or I quit a job when the employer didn't give a good reason why. Never said what I could do to improve nor thanked me for a job well done. Lots of times I can't accept negative criticism but I'd prefer that over nothing.

So, this is more of a depressing rant. I feel so bad I don't want to sleep tonight. Yet, at the same time, with the hours of sleep I've lost, I could just sleep a really long time this weekend to make up for the worst part of my work and that was getting up at six and dealing with rush hour at 7:30.

Every time I accomplish something in any hobby I've done; My parents are never proud or happy.

Every time I accomplish something I've hated and dreaded - Finding it absolutely pointless and 99% of the time it's stuff that drives me to the point of wanting to end myself - They give me nothing but this false pride that sickens me.

I hate my parents.
They only care about my academic accomplishments - Not the things that make me happy.

Every single failure or complaint they've had about me for the past year has only been caused by them anyways;
I didn't choose to live in the middle of nowhere - It's not my fault I can't go out and meet people.
No wonder I've been miserable my whole life - I've had nobody to show pride in anything I've done and felt mattered.

This is what shopping looks like when I go while depressed:
5 cartons of chocolate milk (on sale)
4 things of pudding (on sale)
4 packs of raspberries (on sale)
2 packs of strawberries (on sale)
2 boxes of instant potatoes
5 bananas
2 oranges

That's also just about all of the food I have at the moment, as well... Stomach still isn't really cooperating with the whole "people need food" idea.. That.. plus I'm really broke right now...

So I just woke up half an hour ago to find a HUGE dead black bird sitting by my bedroom door! I don't know why I'm surprised at this at all XD

But the birds huge compared to how big my cats are It's bound to of been Minnie as shes so tiny! I mean Sylvester brougt home baby seagulls and stuff but he was alot bigger!

I have no idea what I want to do right now.. Absolutely no idea. I don't know if I want to watch more netflix.. or play something.. or read.. or.. I dunno... Ithink the problem is that I wanna chat with my friends WHILE watching netflix.. but... nobody is online/talking to me right now... I seriously hate my life at the moment...

You know what drives me nuts, is when people in general ignore you. You send a link, or joke. Heck even tell them something, you even give them a couple days to reply and you get nothing. Some kind of acknowledgement of any kind would be great, other wise it's like I'm talking to myself. This isn't aimed at anyone specifically, I mean it in a very generalized manner. Just something I wanted to get off my chest is all. =)

AdamSavage wrote:You know what drives me nuts, is when people in general ignore you. You send a link, or joke. Heck even tell them something, you even give them a couple days to reply and you get nothing. Some kind of acknowledgement of any kind would be great, other wise it's like I'm talking to myself. This isn't aimed at anyone specifically, I mean it in a very generalized manner. Just something I wanted to get off my chest is all. =)

I know that rant quite well. Even I made something for someone at eLance to finish off the project for good and haven't received a word after a few emails. I guess that either meant they were fine with the last one before the revision or they could fix it themselves. Either way, I felt a bit disappointed when I didn't receive a word after uploading the last revised project for them and the link has only a three-day time amount before it expires, and it takes hours for me to upload stuff over 600 megabytes.

At least I got the money for the project done for them, I suppose...

I don't frigging care that the weather is nice, the sun is shining, and that it's 12 degrees celcius outside. I want to be left alone. My stomach hurts.

Fuck you, Facebook. ><;

... Did I screw up...?

I hate this job! It's not so much that I hate doing the dishes I hate the fact that even though we are the most important part of the back room (no pots or pants cooks can't cook, no plates nothing to put the food on and so forth) we are constantly understaffed we need 4 people on from 9am to 8 pm on friday though Sunday but no they insist on leaving a two man group to do the work of four people. Then out of seven of us on rotating shifts three are dead weight. One of them took an hour to scrub out a single pan then vanished to the break room for 45 minutes to talk to his gf on the phone. Or after working 6 damn days in a row they try to call me in on my day off for 2 fricken hours only 2 hours!

The wait staff are lazy pecks who when their not out searching for their tips stand around and talk about what they did the night before or text on their phone. Then when they need something "Dish room better get us some coffee mugs" I want to shout back "you know if you actually put the silver ware int he side like your suppose too and stop throwing your own damn personal trash into the bus tubs it might not take us longer to get though them. Now don't get me wrong there are several of the wait staff that is very nice and willing to help if I need it and I love that part but the rest of them do the least amount of work but they get paid the most in the place.

All in all if I didn't need this job I would channel the rock tell them "You can take this job shine it up really nice you know with some of that bacon grease which the smell drives me nuts turn the sun of a witch side ways and shove it straight up your lazy Ass!"

-gets down off the box feeling a little better.-

PS. I wish I could get the nerve or the guts to ask oneo f them out to a movie just feel so damn lonely.

CrystalKitten wrote:... Did I screw up...?

No I did.

Somedays I wish I could do a full run of ZG....

Stupid Facebook kept suggesting I "Like" Atheist as a page today..Not once, not twice...It did 3 times! I'm like wtf Facebook ? I'm not Atheist and I don't want to "like" the page..

Bleh.

Sometimes, I feel like complaining and I come here and feel guilty because my problems aren't big-deal.

But I'm slowly shading toward hating my job. At least, enough to be completely unmotivated to do things above and beyond steady-state. There's nothing new here for me.

Morven wrote:Sometimes, I feel like complaining and I come here and feel guilty because my problems aren't big-deal.

But I'm slowly shading toward hating my job. At least, enough to be completely unmotivated to do things above and beyond steady-state. There's nothing new here for me.

I know the feeling but some times it feels great to get things off my chest safely with out hurting anyones feelings. I understand about the job they keep on three people who slow us down beyond belief it's like why the hell should I bother to throw in 100% of effort or more while watching these guys casually toss 40% of the same effort.