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Unread postPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 6:17 am 
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Sunday night, she was fine. She was her normal self, stealing food, getting into stuff. She was looking a little thin though, so we had a vet appointment the next day.

Monday morning, the vet thought she had inflammatory bowel disease and gave her oral prednisolone. Her blood work was normal and she was declared otherwise healthy. Within half an hour of the steroid dose, she was looking ill and had become lethargic. Over the course of the day and night, she got worse and wouldn't touch food.

Tuesday morning, we took her back and the vet thought she'd had a bad reaction to something in the oral steroid and gave her something for nausea. He did bloodwork again, and it wasn't too far out of whack. But, he said that if she kept throwing up, we should take her to the emergency vet hospital. She got worse throughout the day.

Tuesday night, she started throwing up again. By the time we got to the hospital, she could barely stand.

I don't understand what happened or how it happened so quickly.

The vet there did a full blood panel. It was really bad. She was hypothermic and severely dehydrated. Her potassium was so low that she could have had a heart attack. An x-ray showed a mass in her abdomen that our vet had somehow missed. I still don't know if it's a foreign object, a massive hairball, what.

She was also so badly constipated that it was pressing her intestines up. Our vet missed it. Somehow, probably because I'm a horrible, irresponsible, inattentive pet owner, I hadn't noticed she hadn't pooped. But we have two cats and there was poop in the box and up until Monday morning when she had that oral steroid, she'd seemed basically fine and was eating like a horse so how the HELL did this even happen?

I can't understand how it isn't related to the oral steroid, but logically that cannot have caused the constipation and whatever the mass is. Nothing about this makes sense. I don't know if she'll live. They won't say and keep carefully hedging their words to just "wait and see". It's her second night in the hospital. She is honestly barely hanging on. Yeah, they managed to force feed her some paste, but, when we went to see her, she didn't even move. Her temperature is still too low, even after a full 24 hours in the hospital.

I miss her so damn badly. I keep looking at her cat bed that I have next to my desk where she always hangs out and forgetting for a moment she's gone and expecting to see her and she isn't there.

Her name is Perper. It's short for Persephone, because when she was a kitten, she went through hell and back. My brother's neighbor's at the time had her...until they didn't, if you catch my meaning. They abused and starved her. The last straw was their 8-year-old chasing Perper with the riding lawnmower. I patched her up, as best I could. She was full of worms, dehydrated, and way too skinny. She never quite made a full recovery mentally, and if cats can have PTSD, she does.

That cat is my friend. It's one of those rare bonds. Like some cats are just cats, but some cats are friends. Perper and I are friends. She's been with me through some of the worst years of my life. When I have panic attacks, she does her best to fight them. Even if it involves biting my face. Hey, it works. So, she's been the best friend I could ask for but I've failed her and now she might die. And she's alone with strangers in a strange place full of dogs and other cats. She hates all those things. All she knows is that she's sick and I'm not there and it's killing me. I just want her back.

So I'm not religious. I don't have anyone to pray to. But, I wouldn't turn down prayers for Perper or any other kind of good energy you could send her way.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 8:23 am 
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:hug: I'm sending healing thoughts. Please don't beat yourself up--cats usually try to hide it when they are feeling bad.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 6:53 pm 
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Best wishes for your kitty. Gorman is right, they do hide illness extremely well. Please keep us updated.

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Unread postPosted: Thu Jun 06, 2019 7:09 pm 
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Big hugs, sending good vibes. :( I know how hard that position is.

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Unread postPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 5:27 am 
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Sending my most sincere well-wishes to both you and Perper :hug: You've done an amazing thing for her, you both deserve to pull through this.

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Unread postPosted: Fri Jun 07, 2019 5:52 am 
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I too, am sending my sincerest sympathies to you and your furbaby :hug: I hope she feels better soon.

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 5:09 am 
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When we visited her tonight, we found out that we finally had an answer: it was lymphoma. There was nothing they could do to treat her that she would be strong enough to survive, and in the end, the last kindness we could offer her was a peaceful death.

I've lost my friend.

Thank you for your kind words.

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 5:48 am 
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Oh, god, I'm SO sorry Teigan :( That's just awful :( I hope you're doing ok. Hugs.

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 8:29 am 
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:( :( :(

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:02 am 
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So sorry. When you have a special bond with a cat, there's nothing else quite like it.

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:09 am 
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*Offers a hug, or else just companionship.* I am so sorry it ended up this way. You saved her from torture and gave her a good, loved life. I'm sure Perper appreciated everything you did for her up until the end and you can rest knowing she is no longer suffering. It's always difficult to lose a friend whether human or animal. Stay strong for her, she's still there comforting you.

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:18 am 
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Oh man! I'm so so sorry Teigs. :(

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 8:56 pm 
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Thank you, everyone. I'm really not even remotely ok, but I'm trying to be. I miss her.

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:18 pm 
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It's ok to not be ok when something like that happens. Pets are family. I lost my kitty Noodle from complications of FIV/poss lymphoma not too many months ago. it was fast, and it broke my heart. There are still some days I'm in tears over missing him.


It will take time.

{{{{{{HUGGSSSSS}}}}}}

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Unread postPosted: Sat Jun 08, 2019 9:19 pm 
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I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug: Take all the time you need to grieve, those emotions are going to be hard to handle for a while.

I'm not sure if this is helpful, but when I was in a similar situation I found this analogy helped me come to terms with some of my feelings.
https://twitter.com/laurenherschel/stat ... 33?lang=en

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Unread postPosted: Sun Jun 09, 2019 11:13 am 
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Thank you for the hugs, guys. It really helps to know that I'm not alone. People can be quick to dismiss losing a pet as "just a pet" but, there's nothing "just" about it. I'm sorry that you know how it feels, but thank you for letting me know I'm not alone.
And Veph, yes, that was helpful. It is good to have a way to describe it. I did find in the comments on that post one person described it not as the ball getting smaller, but the box getting larger. I think grief is as big as love, and the love will never shrink. But our lives can grow to accommodate the grief.

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Unread postPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2019 8:10 am 
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My cats are my children. I would risk my own life for them if it came down to it. No one can convince me that their lives aren't just as important as a human's. Saying goodbye is never easy. It still hurts every single day.

Don't ever let anyone dismiss your grief because it was "just a pet"! Their ignorance is a result of never having experienced one of the purest kinds of love there is to have.

And if it's any consolation, my babies will look after your baby until we can both be with them once again. :hug:

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