Rant Thread

[Chimera]

Yea, when he did i scooped it onto a cruddy bowl (i will save your eyes from the descript of why it had to go in a bowl and not in paper towels) and threw it into the bathtub with some laundry soap and a rag ._. this sucks... bough $100 of stuff for him and at the moment it appears to have completely backfired even tho i havent even administered any medicine, it was advised i start a routine tomorrow, all ive done so far was give him his new vet food. Im just hoping that its just a reaction to eating new food since he has a very sensitive stomach, stepdads passively hinting though specific wording that the 'either it goes or i go' is very one sided, aka its not a 'either lucky goes or the carpet goes' its more like 'if he keeps barfing, he goes'.

[Makoes]

I still havent heard anything from my BF since thursday...I dont normally worry, but we got a webcam for my PC and he took my laptop with him so we could do video calls while he was in mexico...I dont even know if he got there...I hate this, not knowing, and I cant seem to contact the resort...I just hope that the mother of the other guy my guy went with responds to my message I sent her on facebook.

I never have anxiety attacks and now I am getting them, and other stress related symptoms.

[Miyon]

Screw all of you who is using that new girls only shit on facebook. Why am I never included unless I ask for it? Now they are saying they are going to New York, Los Angeles, Amsterdam, California and all that shit for xx months. I want to know what it means. FU.

[CrystalKitten]

I hate maintenance. Why did they have to start it early today Now I can't play before class.. I dunno what to do to wake me up...

[CrystalKitten]

This is going to be a long one. It's going to be one that some people probably find attention seeking... But I've been holding a lot of this in for over 5 years now.. I can't do it anymore. Please when reading this, keep the "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" in mind... As certain comments never help. "suck it up, get over it" only causes me to fall deeper because I CAN'T get over it. If I could, I wouldn't need to be typing this up right now.

Warning, there will be some language in this post

I walked to school today. I was listening to my concert prep playlist.. and Save You by Simple plan came on. I lost it. I'm now listening to Therapy by All Time Low on repeat while I type this up.

I think the only thing that hasn't been done to me is extensive physical beating. Unless you could what I did to myself...

Once I hit around 8 or 9 years old, the kids in my cool decided that in order to be cool, someone had to get picked on. That someone was me, but they went farther than a lot of people would have. I grew up developing NO social skills because not a SINGLE PERSON would interact with me unless they directly got something from me (like when they wanted to be invited to my party, I was then thrown away like trash the day after). I was conditioned over the course of 3 or 4 years that asking to join groups, or games was BAD. Not only would I be rejected, but I would be ridiculed. Or, they'd say yes, just so they could find SOME way to turn it against me. I don't lie. They once asked me to play tag. They then, literally, conspired to develop a semi elaborate plot to ensure I would stay "it" for entire recess. I'm not overexaggerating... The teachers never did anything. Most of the time, they just asked what I expected. Though, there were a few that would "hang out" with me during recess and talk to me. My parents didn't do anything either. I was told things like "Look at you, no wonder you don't have any friends" because I wouldn't dress like everyone else, or do the hobbies that everyone else did...

Highschool should have been better. I even started making friends, but it didn't last long. Just before I was to start grade 10, my mom left us. We were left with my dad. I remember I had some friends ask me to go to a dance with them. I went, and then got ditched (not entirely unexpected). I had a relatively horrible time. To make it worse, when I got home, my dad was waiting for me at the door. He told me he almost killed himself, but didn't because what if I saw him when I got home... He didn't mention that my sisters sleeping upstairs had anything to do about it... No kid wants to hear that...

Just before xmas, mid semester, we had to move... We moved in with my grandma.. We liked her, but she was horrible to live with. We were forced to use a cloth to wash our face/hands... and even on weekends we couldn't stay in our PJs all day or we weren't allowed to do ANYTHING, including eat, read, etc. I remember coming home several times to find my dad curled up in fetal position crying... we were there for a few months before he completely lost it and gave us back to my mom...

I vividly remember the day we moved... My parent's made ME.. their fucking 16 year old kid witness them signing the separation papers.. All the while calling each other whores, abusers, and all sorts of other nasty fucking shit... I ran and locked myself in the bathroom as soon as I could....

We weren't with my mom long before my dad asked for a visit.. My mom made us go, since she didn't wanna be a total bitch (probably just didn't wanna seem like she was keeping us away from him so she could try and continue to get child support)... During that visit, I was "disowned" by my dad(after him saying I used to be his favourite), who then gave my sisters a wad of cash infront of me.. He then had the FUCKING NERVE to try and HUG ME. I just about sacked him if I hadn't bee in the car...

Then he started stalking us. Filled our answering machine every day with really creepy stuff. He even came over once, and then proceeded to take all our phones, and lock the door, and all that so we couldn't call my mom at work... We also learned he tried to kill him a few times. had to spend a few nights in jail (either due to the stalking, or for fear he'd kill himself)...

warning, following paragraph may be a bit graphic Once all that died down, I never recovered my grades. I met a guy... but it wasn't a good thing. He saw that I was emotionally destroyed.. (this is the first time I've ever outright talked about this... it's hard)... He wanted to use that... After a little while... not even that long.. he told me it was "time" ... I didn't want to. He said I had to if I loved him... I told him if he loved me, he wouldn't make me.. he said "no, if you love me, you will" I didn't want to. He didn't even want to use protection... But I insisted. I wasn't comforted by the fact that the first one broke... Then he tried to start.. and I just remember pushing myself backwards so that he couldn't get in.. I kept doing that... But soon, if I pushed back anymore, I would risk falling off the bed and cracking my neck.. I don't remember seeing anything.. just black, even though I'm sure my eyes were open the whole time.. probably looking for a way out.. I DO remember him chuckling and asking where I was going... I remember thinking the entire time, looking for a way to get him to stop... As soon as I could, I told him I had to use the bathroom...

Despite how traumatizing that was for me.. I didn't leave him... I didn't tell anyone.. I didn't even realize what it WAS until 3 or 4 years later... I stayed with him, because nobody else wanted me...

When he left ME... I let other people take advantage of me in different ways... Really bad ways.. I thought very little of myself at that time.

To top it off, my mom stopped making meals regularly. She'd never really bothered to teach me how to cook, which means that there wasn't often things to eat.. Especially since a lot of the stuff that didn't have to get cooked was "claimed"... I didn't have much to eat. I ended up on a diet of largely milk and bread. Not that I was keeping much down anyways. The anxiety and depression were so bad, I was nauseous and puking relatively often.

I tried going to the counselors for help, at school. But my mom had told them that I was just an attention seeker, so they never actually listened to me. When my mom found out, she yelled at me, and hit me... Almost slapped me across the face, but I saw the flash in her face.. of wondering what people would say, so she hit my leg.

I eventually went to a doctor. I said I was worried I might be severely suffering from depression (I didn't now there was a distinction between that and anxiety at the time), and that I wanted help. He pretty much just gave me some pills without doing any actual attempted diagnosing... I was given Paxil... It didn't help. After a few days, I noticed no difference at all. His solution was to double my dose... At the time, I was only about 110lbs, and taking 2 paxil a day... I was pretty much bed ridden for 2 weeks. shortly after that, my mom could afford/refused to pay for the prescription refill. I went through physical withdrawl while at school. The councilors still believed my mom, and as such, just sat me in a corner cause they thought I was faking it. It took one of the special ed teachers taking my vitals for them to realize something was actually wrong... Especially since after about an hour I couldn't even talk.. I was stuttering.. couldn't form sentences, I felt like I was boiling, my mouth was so dry it felt like it was full of sand.. (this is why I'm pretty strongly AGAINST people trying to say that meds are a good initial step to getting better...)

I dropped out as soon as I turned 18. My grades had gone from an 85-90 average in grade 9, to failing in grade 12, due to the stress and anxiety.

Then things got a LOT better. I had a few years that were REALLY good. I was starting to heal. Then I lost it all. My best friend, who was the only person I ever learned to trust, threw me away like trash.. I still don't know if it was intentional, or if they just got really busy and haven't had time to chat... I know people say "you shouldn't need someone to make you happy" but the fact is.. MOST people have somebody. A parent, a religious figure, a friend, spouse, hell.. a child.. that when things get really down, they can turn to.. Or several. I had ONE. My friend. I've made a few friends through here and wow which help. But it's not the same. And I have my kitty, which is close, but not the same...

I'm trying really hard to move on. I REALLY am. I want friends. I want to start dating again. But how can I after all that? I have almost no reason to trust people. ESPECIALLY the opposite sex. I know some people find comfort in religion, but I don't, really. Not saying I don't have beliefs, but they aren't really any organized religion, but that's not what this is about. The usual concept of religion doesn't help. If it did, I would be better as I lived in a VERY religious town for a while, and had some of the student/youth groups even have me tag along to some of their events.. Nothing ever clicked with me...

I'm sure I'm forgetting something.. but that's mostly it... :/

[Lisaara]

Awww...Crys.....I...I don't even know what to say. I'm gonna send you a quick PM.

[Chimera]

I hope Lucky starts eating... he hasnt eaten since his incient all over my blankets last night, just drinks and drinks and drinks and has slept almost the entire day away. Hes been drinking tons the last couple months actually, vet says there maybe a very slim chance he has kidney disease (monday Nov 7th that is that the vet said that) but they couldnt find it when they did a blood test in september which btw was the first and so far only blood test hes ever had since he was less then a year old (hes 16 atm) and we cant afford to have them continuously run blood tests incase it was just too early to tell what was going on initially.

In 1 month hes dropped 3 pounds and right now he looks like hes in the early stages of emaciation due to not digesting his food for the past 5 days. He started puking thursday night (a very dark brown, almost black liquid that was very watery, thin, and smelled like it came from deep inside his bowels), he barfed up spittle friday night so he got a days worth (which was during that day only half a handful of kibbles), through the weekend he barfed his entire stomach contents up 3 times both on saturday and sunday (or so my stepdad tells me, i was away) and sunday night he barfed up, again, his entire stomach contents which was quite a fair bit (so i think the barf episodes stepdad told me werent as major as he made them out to be).

We took him to the vet monday and got medicine and new food, he ate his food and then last night barfed everything all over my bed, and today he hasnt eaten a single kibble all day. Ive placed him at his food dish throughout the day, ive offered treats, his food with the pro-biotic powder, his food without it, his old food that we saved incase he didnt like the new stuff, and he doesnt respond. Im hoping its only because he wasnt feeling well from not sleeping much last night, he was up walking around a lot, never was able to settle down, so hopefully he was just too tired and perhaps nauseated to eat and that a good night sleep will bring back his appetite but i dunno, we've done all we can, we bought everything the vet could possibly think of to help him digest his food, there is nothing left we can buy to help him eat and keep the food down, we're out of options.

Edit: Maybe i should rephrase the emaciation part, thats a bit strong, hes thin, very, thin. But no bones are starting to show, if he continued like this for another week then i would definitely say hes slipping into that category.

[Worba]

Hmm. Thyroid or liver - have they checked those? I lost a cat due to liver failure and the symptoms you described sound similar (and he was right about the same age too).

Also some brands of catfood can reduce hairballs, though that's probably only going to be addressing 5-10% of the problem in this case.

Your stepdad's reaction is rather coldhearted - maybe that's because I personally view pets as 99% the same as kids (e.g. I love them both unconditionally), but you don't give up on a sick pet just because it's become messy. As long as it can still have some reasonable quality of life, you should keep fighting for it as best you can.

[Chimera]

I definitely treat lucky like my child, they arent really different when you think of it beyond the species difference, thw vet said that he'll have to eat eventually, just.give it a few days, stepdad doesnt wanna have to get another test done and I dont have aa means to get lucky to vet without walking (if it was warm still I wouldnt mind but luckys very touchy about the cold), he broke down and ste a couple kibbles, hes doing all sorts of crying for food and always thinks when you go near the fridge hes gonna get something so at least hes showing an appetite now.... Still snubbing both his new and old food when he has the will power to do so, if he gets lethargic and thinner or starts barfing like before consistently i'll bring him in one way or another and get blood work done

Sorry for messy writing im on cell atm

Edit: Couldnt wait, called doctor up, he said he wanted to see Lucky again so stepdad drove me to the vets again, they took some blood to test and compare to their previous tests, they gave him a vitamin B12 shot and a complimentary wet food can that might entice him to eat. Right now hes cowering in my lap, spitting the cc of zantac i gave him out, and smelling of rubbing alchohol where they shaved and sterilized his neck to take blood. Tomorrow they said to call in during the afternoon to get the results of the testing.

[Samskeyti]

I still havent heard anything from my BF since thursday...I dont normally worry, but we got a webcam for my PC and he took my laptop with him so we could do video calls while he was in mexico...I dont even know if he got there...I hate this, not knowing, and I cant seem to contact the resort...I just hope that the mother of the other guy my guy went with responds to my message I sent her on facebook.

I never have anxiety attacks and now I am getting them, and other stress related symptoms.

Have you heard from him by now? Have you tried contacting the airline? I really really hope he just slacked in responding, but I have an idea of what you're going through, I felt like that for two days and without continuing and making you more upset, I just send you my warmest thoughts that you can shed off this horrible feeling soon *hugs*

[Vephriel]

I still havent heard anything from my BF since thursday...I dont normally worry, but we got a webcam for my PC and he took my laptop with him so we could do video calls while he was in mexico...I dont even know if he got there...I hate this, not knowing, and I cant seem to contact the resort...I just hope that the mother of the other guy my guy went with responds to my message I sent her on facebook.

I never have anxiety attacks and now I am getting them, and other stress related symptoms.

Have you heard from him by now? Have you tried contacting the airline? I really really hope he just slacked in responding, but I have an idea of what you're going through, I felt like that for two days and without continuing and making you more upset, I just send you my warmest thoughts that you can shed off this horrible feeling soon *hugs*

*hugs Makoes* That's a horrible feeling, I've been through that as well. I can only hope he got distracted by other things and maybe hasn't had a chance to contact you. I know it's no excuse, but it's even happened to me a few times where I go on a trip to visit friends or something, and I end up having so much fun I completely don't think about calling back home.

[Novikova]

It's petty. But I wish I wasn't so damn poor. I feel subhuman, treated like I'm criminal, worthless and stressing out. Anyone who says money can't buy happiness has never been poor.

[Worba]

Edit: Couldnt wait, called doctor up, he said he wanted to see Lucky again so stepdad drove me to the vets again, they took some blood to test and compare to their previous tests, they gave him a vitamin B12 shot and a complimentary wet food can that might entice him to eat. Right now hes cowering in my lap, spitting the cc of zantac i gave him out, and smelling of rubbing alchohol where they shaved and sterilized his neck to take blood. Tomorrow they said to call in during the afternoon to get the results of the testing.

Good man.

(Your stepdad I mean. It goes without saying that you were already a devoted cat owner)

Well it sounds like you've all done as much as possible and now it's just a matter of waiting on the lab results.

I'll keep Lucky in my thoughts.

[Chimera]

Thank ya <3 Cause of the B12 shot he got Lucky ate what to him in healthy condition is a normal amount of food (and from his pro-biotic powdered dish too, not the one that i left for him that didnt have the powder incase he didnt like the taste), hes happy but he definitely seems like his body isnt happy that he ate a bunch after not eating at all. Hes been cuddling on my lap since we got home and ive moved him to the bed and cuddled him there, atm hes slowly falling asleep so hopefully he'll sleep well and wake up and start to begin a normal routine.

And i start Cinemazoo tomorrow.. kinda nervous, havent been in an alien crowd for a very long time now, im starting to be more worried about meeting my fellow classmates rather then the course itself

[Atalanta]

I f**king hate how insensitive YOU can be sometimes.

[Chimera]

STOMACH! WHY U HATE ME SOOO!

[cowmuflage]

I just did the alliance intro to The Twilight Highlands....... Man it sucks compared to the horde one. A plane ride is all we get? really?

[Nubhorns]

Just found out my grandmother's cat died on Monday. He was perfectly healthy until a week or so ago, and he was expected to make a full recovery from what we assumed was poisoning of some sort.

Apparently three people in the neighborhood have lost cats to poisoning this week, and the sheriff is out tonight because they found a bowl of hot dogs and antifreeze on someone's back porch. :/

[cowmuflage]

Man that's just nasty! Why do people do that I mean really.

[Lisaara]

I just did the alliance intro to The Twilight Highlands....... Man it sucks compared to the horde one. A plane ride is all we get? really?

Pretty much. Alliance got gipped in Cata. Cata was VERY Horde focused.