Female Reproductive Health [explicit]

[Wark]

Hrm, tough call. I'm a rather "stay out of my bubble" person myself, but swimming when I was young pretty thoroughly cured me of any "NOOO DON'T LOOK, STAY BACK" tendencies-- I was actually slightly impatient last time I visited the ob-gyn because the doc made a bit of a production out of scurrying out of the room until I was safely into my pathetic little paper gown. For a lady who spends a lot of time prodding pregnant ladies and probably staring at the gruesome parts during delivery, I can't see what the fuss about me naked would be.

I'm afraid I'd have to recommend the generalities, then: try to figure out WHY it's such a hang-up, if you can, and/or line up as many coping mechanisms as you can. Would a friend going for part or all of it help? Do you have any anti-panic maneuvers from other situations that could be repurposed for this, like some kind of distraction or meditation? (Well, that's how I deal with bloodwork... there should be a law mandating patterned curtains for phlebotomists!) Can you bribe yourself?

Basically, approach it like any other known source of panic/stress: do what you can to root out why it's such a problem & tackle the source, and past that just do what you have to to get through it, counting the seconds if you have to.

Hopefully someone else will have more specific advice-- lord knows you are NOT the first person to dread going to the ob-gyn! That said, your mention of how pervasive the "no touchy" is suggests to me that it might be one of those Big Issues you might have some success tackling with a good therapist. Not that that's probably on your list of things you'd like to do anymore than the ob-gyn, but it might be something to play around with. And remember: GOOD therapist, if you do that. Yes, they exist, and it might take a little hunting. Worth their weight in gold if you can find one that fits, though.

[Nubhorns]

Vel, honestly your best bet is...well, honesty.

I know how you feel. I haven't been to a gynecologist yet(although it looks like I have a few years before I have to go) but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about people poking around down there at all, much less a total stranger.

So my recommendation is this - tell your mum how you feel. And tell her you're serious. Despite all of the jokes about moms always knowing everything, they really can't read your mind and if she's acting like you're joking, she probably thinks you are. But she is your mother first and foremost, and if anyone can make you feel slightly less terrified it's probably her. Just ask her how the gynecology process goes. How long it takes. What it generally entails. Simple stuff, so you're not walking into it blind. I don't suggest asking if it hurts because if you're going for honesty you're probably going to get 'a little' or something and that really kills your courage if you're anything like me.

Once you've done that, go have an ice cream and pat yourself on the back. And then go schedule something with your gynecologist. Remember that s/he's a doctor, essentially, and as such s/he should be able to answer any questions you have as well as help ease any apprehensions. You're not the only woman who feels that way, and I'm sure s/he's had to deal with people exactly like that before. It just comes with the job. When I was scared of getting my blood drawn the nurse talked me through the entire thing - she kept me distracted, and so I didn't bolt out of the room screaming. My dad does the same thing when I'm in the car, since I have had severe anxiety over being in/around cars ever since I was in an accident. If they're any good, they'll keep you talking the entire time and it'll be over before you know it.

And then you can go eat another ice cream, because you deserve it.

A good therapist is a nice idea as well, although they can be hard to find, not to mention expensive. :/


~~~Tooootally different can of worms here.~~~

All of this fuss over implements and toys and whirlygigs finally got to me and I managed to scrape up around $40 set aside for me. I have a few things on the way, nothing special or with spinny parts because I am cheap as hell, but I did remember to buy batteries this time.

We'll see how it goes although frankly I won't stop being anxious until they get here. WHAT IF SOMEONE FINDS OUT AAAGH. I know I'm technically an adult by law but I'm still my parent's kid and that's a whole big box of awkward I don't want to open. I need to dig up a shoebox to stick under my bed for these things. >_>

My mom is here all day, too. I'm just worried about her snagging the box before I get to it. She's not generally nosy, but she did kindly lend me the use of her Paypal account for 'commissions' so...I think I need to buy a commission to cover my butt. I already stealthed into her email to delete the conformation email(they promised 'discreet packaging'...and then put the name of the real company in their email address. I about had a heart attack.), and I feel really silly going behind her back like this(is it 'behind her back' if she knows I was on her email to check something?) but I don't ever really talk sex with anyone except for my best friend, who happens to be my psuedo-ex.

I figure tomorrow while she's dying my hair I'll just tell her I have a package on the way and not to mess with it. We shall see.

[cowmuflage]

Eh mums like to worry and some like mine don't like to think about there only daughter haveing sex even thou shes completly fine with my older bro basicly haveing 3 girls stay over at once >.>

Don't even get me started on my dad aye hes that "no one messies with my little girl!" type you know they type who scares your first lover half to death when you take him home.

Don't gte too stress about it if they find out they find out but your an adult and should be treated like one! I know how you feel heck I'm basicly on the same boat as you!

[Anyia]

BF wants to try anal sex. What's the best way to tell him "HELL NO!"?

"Sure, you first!" ?

[cowmuflage]

I know a few guys Anyia who would say yes to that ah pegging its so wonderfuly odd.

[Saturo]

Anyia/Cowmu, feel free to come over and show him sometime. ^^

[cowmuflage]

I hope he likes leather..... wait I don't have any leather. eh.

[Saturo]

What kind of leather would that be? :P

[cowmuflage]

The kind you can't walk in public with.

Anywho if you do ever try anal baby steps is the way to go. A finger first then move up. Allways use plenty of lube its what its there for. Trust me it's a life saver! Its not for every one of corse and don't let him force ya into doing it if ya don't want to or just stick a finger up his >.< seems to work well at stoping them most of the time.

[TygerDarkstorm]

I've tried threatening to shove something up my boyfriend's bum when he bugs me about wanting anal and he just laughs and plays along. -_-

I'm just glad that I know when he bugs me about it it's just because he has the weirdest obsession with my butt and that he asks because he likes to see my reaction when I say no. He teases me like that all the time.

[Mozag]

Anal sex: If you're not comfortable with the idea, you're not comfortable. You simply say "No, thanks." and if he persists, bring up some sordid fantasy of your own, which will most likely make him uncomfortable. I tend to use stuff like "Man, I'd love to see you getting it on with another guy." That puts them off pretty quick. I am lucky/unlucky that I married a man who is quite a prude when it comes to sexual matters. He was pretty inexperienced when I met him, and it has been a looooong haul because I was what friends called a "nymphomaniac" and enemies called a "slut". Whatever the case may be, I like sex and always have. I like to try things out, and I've never been ashamed about it either. My husband is still very much in the process of learning to be comfortable with "deviant" sex, though I use that term VERY loosely, since we haven't even got down to the good stuff yet. However, thanks to starting the whole sex business pretty early, and with equally inexperienced partners, I had some pretty bad anal sex experiences in my youth. These put me off it for a long time, but I'm starting to get an interest in it again. Perhaps, if I can ever convince my poor spouse to get over his general squeamishness of human functions and body parts, I may get lucky with this. But, conversely, if he doesn't want to, I won't force him. And, to round off this long, pointless paragraph, neither should your boyfriend be forcing you, Saturo.

Sex toys: Parents may come across as not wanting to know about their children's sex lives, and I'm sure most wouldn't want to know anything graphic (fathers and their daughters especially). However, I think parents know more than we give them credit for and, unless they are some sort of religious maniacs, will not be nearly as shocked or horrified by finding a sex toy belonging to their adult daughter (or son), as we imagine. I think the shock is more a..."My goodness, how fast she's grown up!" and will make them face the reality that their baby is no longer a baby. After all, I'd venture to suggest that our generations' parents have probably used some themselves.

Gynecologist fear: Velkyn, Nubhorns put it beautifully. First and foremost, talk to someone who has been to a gynecologist for many years and who you trust (i.e. your mother seems the likely option). Second, I would recommend talking this through with your possible future gynecologist. I am sure you are not the first woman to have fears of visiting them, and they will know to be gentler and more patient with you, if they know your fears. I have never yet had a bad gynecologist myself, though some have been kinder and better than others. They are a set of doctors that work in a field of medicine that makes many uncomfortable, so I'm sure they will have sensitivity to your issues!

[Hesantia]

Well, VelkynKarma, I don't have any good advices on what to say to people who wants you to go, but I am 23 years old this fall, and I have only been to a gynecologist ONCE in my life. Sure, you can have cancer and whatnot, but I don't really think that is a very great risk if your relatives are healthy. To me, going to a gynecologist is to look up if you have any diseases down there (and that's why I went there) and for obvious reasons that is not a problem for you.

Hell, I wouldn't go back if I didn't have to. Not to mention that HE was not gentle at all, I had an assistant or something breating on my legs (be somewhere else, please? I don't want to know you're here) he said that he thought I had a sexual disease without asking how many partners I've had. Now, I've learned that sexual diseases come from, you know, sex with a partner who has the disease, and I know that neither him nor me have anything (and of course people wonder how I can know this, but I am 100% certain, it is not possible) AND after all this, he didn't even send back the papers from the exam to the midwife (such a strange word, but I looked it up and said this was the right one.. anyways, the person who prints the prescription for birth control pills for you) who had sent me there in the first place, after I complained about pain in the lower regions so to speak.

I know this will probably frighten you even more, but the TL;DR version is just: I don't think it's necessary to have this exam if you don't want to.

[Hesantia]

~~~Tooootally different can of worms here.~~~

All of this fuss over implements and toys and whirlygigs finally got to me and I managed to scrape up around $40 set aside for me. I have a few things on the way, nothing special or with spinny parts because I am cheap as hell, but I did remember to buy batteries this time.

We'll see how it goes although frankly I won't stop being anxious until they get here. WHAT IF SOMEONE FINDS OUT AAAGH. I know I'm technically an adult by law but I'm still my parent's kid and that's a whole big box of awkward I don't want to open. I need to dig up a shoebox to stick under my bed for these things. >_>

My mom is here all day, too. I'm just worried about her snagging the box before I get to it. She's not generally nosy, but she did kindly lend me the use of her Paypal account for 'commissions' so...I think I need to buy a commission to cover my butt. I already stealthed into her email to delete the conformation email(they promised 'discreet packaging'...and then put the name of the real company in their email address. I about had a heart attack.), and I feel really silly going behind her back like this(is it 'behind her back' if she knows I was on her email to check something?) but I don't ever really talk sex with anyone except for my best friend, who happens to be my psuedo-ex.

I figure tomorrow while she's dying my hair I'll just tell her I have a package on the way and not to mess with it. We shall see.

I would do something like that. And I know for a fact that, atleast in Sweden, when they say discreet they mean it. My stuff have always come in a brown bag or box with just a regular name and address for returns, nothing says it's from that kind of company. Sure, it has all been from the same company, but I think all does kinda the same thing.
I do know how you feel aswell. I have my stuff hidden at my BFs place, aswell as under the bed =P My parents are christians, and I think this is just a better way for all of us =P

[cowmuflage]

Just becouse your relatives are healthy does not mean you yourself can't be at great risk of getting cancer.

[Wark]

Just becouse your relatives are healthy does not mean you yourself can't be at great risk of getting cancer.

Or end up with an ulcer, or any sort of abnormality worth keeping an eye on. I'd actually suggest that if you can, find a non-panicky doctor and go to them consistently for a long time-- when it comes to ladyparts, normal is hard to recognize at first glance. In a perfect world you either go to a doctor, or examine yourself often enough to find out what YOUR normal is, and then if something changes you'll know. (Plenty of changes are benign. Not all of them are.)

Hesantia, it sounds like you got a VERY lousy doctor. If you can, make sure you go to a different one next time!

And I'd say sex toys are the best argument for a nightstand with drawers. Mmhm.

[Kauqilla]

I know a few guys Anyia who would say yes to that ah pegging its so wonderfuly odd.

*walks in quietly trying to hide his goatee* So odd but fun. My Gf was actually hesitant about pegging me. After some...reactions from just discussing it we worked on it. As to your comment Saturo..... tell him no and explain why. If your BF is anything like me he'll understand and back off OR if your atleast semi interested help you get comfortable etc.

*slinks back out*

[Saturo]

Right, so, update.

Told him no. He was persistent. Told him that I'd agree to it if I were allowed to perform autocunnilingus on him first. After I explained what it was he quickly fell silent. Yay weirdness! :D

[Mozag]

Right, so, update.

Told him no. He was persistent. Told him that I'd agree to it if I were allowed to perform autocunnilingus on him first. After I explained what it was he quickly fell silent. Yay weirdness!

Like I said, this stuff works.

[TygerDarkstorm]

Right, so, update.

Told him no. He was persistent. Told him that I'd agree to it if I were allowed to perform autocunnilingus on him first. After I explained what it was he quickly fell silent. Yay weirdness!

Woot!

[Nubhorns]

I would do something like that. And I know for a fact that, atleast in Sweden, when they say discreet they mean it. My stuff have always come in a brown bag or box with just a regular name and address for returns, nothing says it's from that kind of company. Sure, it has all been from the same company, but I think all does kinda the same thing.
I do know how you feel aswell. I have my stuff hidden at my BFs place, aswell as under the bed =P My parents are christians, and I think this is just a better way for all of us =P

Oh they usually do, it's just that Paypal sent a conformation email to my mom's email where it clearly listed the store's email - which, as you can imagine, has the same name as the store rather than the name that appears on the box. So I freaked out a bit. :P

My parents aren't really religious, so I'm not really avoiding them for that. It's just I'd really rather not blare the news of my recent purchases to my mom, even if she is the most open-minded person I know. :P