Something to think of on the forums

[Cialbi]

I'm sorry but it is time for the Makkie bandwagon to stop! A lot of you have posted some very valid and correct points and I have gone over the line once or twice, for which I am sorry (remember this!).

Thank you. For the apology, that is.
_

A lesson I've been grappling with myself is that one must distinguish between apologizing for their actions and defending their actions. It's the difference between acknowledging that you were wrong and insisting that you weren't wrong. While it is possible to be overly apologetic and too readily concede (the history of the Nazis' rise to power is an excellent case in point of what happens when you don't make a stand), I don't think that's the problem here. Yes, people are apologizing, but they're also defending in the same breath. Saying "I'm sorry." sends a completely different message than "I'm sorry, but...".

So, this brings me to an important question: What reasonable changes to your actions could you make to avoid these conflicts we've been seeing on the forum? Not what others should change; nor unreasonable changes such as rolling over at the first sign of disagreement.

I'll begin.

I need to not make assumptions when accusing someone. That has to be one of my biggest transgressions. I also need to pay more heed to the 'no naming & shaming' policy. By that, I mean that I shouldn't even be doing to indirectly. In addition, I've been pursuing debates too aggressively. Yes, I do think that I've been intentionally aggressive at times, and I don't think it was appropriate. Oh, and I shouldn't join in dogpiles; it's no more acceptable for me to attack when everyone else is, and accomplishes nothing useful. Finally, I need to walk away sometimes, and haven't.

I think that I will sleep on this, and see if I can come up with anything else tomorrow. I'm sure that sleep deprivation is having an effect upon my thinking.

[Azunara]

I think I definitely should think before I post. Naturally, I'm very passionate and act pretty much on sudden emotion. If someone makes me upset, I will reply harshly and not think about it, then regret it later when it's too late. If I thought before I posted, then posts by me would be less...passionate and harsh when I'm upset, or hyper and excitable when I'm not.

[Nubhorns]

Responding to this because I think everyone needs to.

What reasonable changes to your actions could you make to avoid these conflicts we've been seeing on the forum?

I could definitely stand to be less snarky. I like to think it doesn't show through often, but I'm guilty of posting little quips or snarks towards other people or a group of people that I probably could have kept to myself. I shouldn't post while angry at Person A or Thread B, because my anger often shows in the posts. It's probably best to take a step back and return to the discussion when I'm more level-headed.

Also, I need to post more Ponies, but only when they are appropriate. :)

[Sookie]

I just wanted to say thank you to Kalliope for being a fountain of support and rational thought. You put a lot of effort into being articulate and concise and elaborating exactly what needed to be said (if all is going to become fair & good), and it shows a great deal to me about what kind of person you are. Props.

And to everyone else, I have to say that though this situation probably seems blown out of proportion to you, it says a lot to me that you are all 'coming back down to earth' per-se, and working out the kinks. Like someone said, there are much more hostile internet communities out there than this one, so you guys aren't doing that bad. It looks like people are willing to learn & change, and believe me. That is by far the hardest part!!

However!

I keep thinking of something that hasn't been mentioned (i dont think anyway, i didnt read everyones posts completely). And that is that not all communities are the same. I think most people would agree with my feelings that Petopia's forums are (or are meant to be at least) a welcoming, friendly, understanding place to be. This is sharp contrast to many other forums that are either very tolerant of any and all arguing and bickering to the last detail.... or simply places where people don't feel any sense of community and thus don't care about 'how' they say what they say (because they don't care about the feelings or reaction of whoever theyre talking to). I have long been a fan of Plusheal forums because I feel it has this same type of 'accepting, not-hostile community'.

What I'm building up to say is this; I think people forget where they are posting their words when they are provoked to start arguing. If this were a no-holds-barred forum, you would be perfectly entitled to ruthlessly debate something until the cows come home. However, I never had the impression that was the way of Petopia. I always had the impression that people here remembered there is a fellow human being on the other end of the interwebs, and made sure whatever they wanted to say wasn't hurtful or hostile before they clicked 'submit'. At the end of the day we're supposed to be supporting positive discussion, so if you have something to say that will only derail something in a negative spiral, don't say it. Re-phrase it to be productive or don't say it at all.

[Aeladrine]

Necroing this thread. Hope y'all don't mind, but I thought it'd be nice to get it back on topic and use it for actual discussion of what could and should be changed. I felt it'd be more prudent than simply making a new one.

Before I go and spout my beliefs, I'll let someone else, just to make sure at least one other person is interested in discussing this in a civil manner.

And, so that this post isn't just about useless: What reasonable changes to your actions could you make to avoid these conflicts we've been seeing on the forum?

Well, I should probably stop having such a mod attitude. Sometimes I feel like I'm overstepping my bounds and infringing on other's territory. And, when I have what I like to call my "mod" voice on, I often come off as cool or clinical and tend to expect people to listen to what I say. Not too long ago, I was tested by a forum member simply ignoring what everyone had to say. I will readily admit I quickly lost my patience and gave a couple of not-so-subtle, passive aggressive quips. That is something I should never allow to happen, though I am happy to say it doesn't seem to happen too often.

I should also stop getting irritable when people have grammar or spelling issues. I'm far from perfect and I generally don't say anything unless the sentence is impossible for me to understand because of grammar or spelling mishaps, but I really shouldn't allow myself to get irritated by it either way.

I shouldn't use the rant thread as much as I do. It gives off the impression that I'm an angry person and that leads to people being less willing to listen to my own opinions.

I suppose I should also try to shorten my posts a bit. People seem to dislike reading long posts. That one, however, I don't think I'll be willing to change. You guys will just have to suffer through my obnoxiously wordy (and, if I may compliment myself, eloquent) posts.(;