HISS: The Diary of a Venomous Snake

[Acherontia]

On the EU forums here (posted by my alt, as I didn't want it to be taken too seriously).

This tattered book contains several diary entries that appear to have been written by a snake. You aren't sure how snakes can possibly hold a writing utensil or even form coherent text, let alone pen a diary, but you flip to the last few pages and read the final entries nonetheless.

June 10

The mice seem to have all moved down south, as I'd feared. Having to make do with crickets is distasteful, but it keeps me alive. And anyway, crickets are quite high in calcium (no, seriously, go look it up).

June 12

A mass of horses went thundering down the road to the east. It sounded like an army; probably another band of two-leggers going to war in the north.

June 15

Crickets for dinner again.

June 17

I'm not sure what happened today. It... it was a catastrophe! I was lying out in the sun, admiring the strangely-repeating patterns in the sand and relaxing in the warmth, when a hand shot out of the sky and gripped my neck. I had no idea there was anyone close! I was stuffed into a bag and taken away. Everything is dark.

P.S. I can write in the dark.

June 18

I've been thrown into a pen with a mass of my fellows. Many are also Venomous Snakes like myself, although I swear I saw a couple of Vipers in there too. None of us know why we have been taken. Our surroundings are cold metal, with wires keeping us from the wilderness--and our homelands--beyond. Oh sweet Barrens, how I miss thee, your lions and hyenas mingling with random giant Stegosaurus things!

June 19

A battered old cobra was thrown in with us today. He claims to have been a "pet" at one time, although he won't explain what that means. He seems rather touchy about the whole thing.

June 20

The old cobra spoke today. He has not eaten in weeks, and his capture added to the hunger has provoked delirium, I'm afraid. He is making wild claims that a two-legger took him in and fed him, named him and cared for him, and that together they "thwarted the plans of dragons." He told us about how he was left in the desert when his two-legger saw a creature with "a rare skin," although the cobra claims he had no idea what this meant. He's clearly quite mad.

P.S. I miss crickets.

June 21

The old cobra was taken away today. The two-legger who took him called him by the name that the cobra claimed to have been given! All of the rest of us are astounded. Could his stories be true? Are we destined for long friendships with these alien creatures? Perhaps he was merely lost, and his master has found him again!

June 22

We have all been bundled together, squirming in a large cloth bag that is being carried a great distance. It is hard to write, being a snake and crammed into a bag full of snakes as I am, but somehow I am making do. We are all very hungry, and hope that soon, our two-legged friends will have mercy on us. This gruelling trial can only be a test to see if we are worthy companions! I imagine that the rest of us will be released, as the unworthy undoubtedly are, back into the forests and plains. The two-legger keeps talking to something called "Cuddles." I am hoping this "Cuddles" is not a creature who has taken our intended place as his "pet!"

June 23

Starving. We have been crammed into a strange metal contraption. Don't know what it all means but I'm very cold in here. "Cuddles" turned out to be a female elf. Hope remains for "pet" status.

June 24

My fellows have lost hope; they are saying the two-legger hasn't thought twice about us. This is a foolish notion; these "Hunter" creatures base their whole lives around befriending us beasts, naming us and caring for us. Why would they--wait, what's this? There is light. I can see light! And I can hear voices. One is saying something about... "It takes two Arcane Explosions." I don't know what this means. Our master is arguing that "it" will only take one. Now our tiny metal home is being dropped on the ground. Our master has said "I'll show you." I wonder what he means?

The strange diary ends here.

[Lupis]

Awwww, poor little snakes!

Very nice though.... But now I want to go out and tame every snake I see.

[Azunara]

...

Is it wrong I started grinning and giggling when I read the end? Yes? Yeah, well.

[Acherontia]

No! It's meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but still point out how odd it is that we throw a bunch of snakes into a trap to die and never think twice

[Saturo]

I enjoy anything that involves the death of several critter-sized creatures! Nice work. ^^

[Acherontia]

Lol, sickass

P.S. your sig reminds me of this here:

Grammar Nazis

(Note--only funny if you've seen Inglorious Basterds)

[Royi]

You should put that in the Lurker forum Maybe they could pick 3-4 of the pages they enjoyed the most. I like the original description of the item alot

[Chimera]

I feel so bad for those snakes >_>;; now i want to adopt all the colors of minipet snakes in the game lol

[Cialbi]

"Cuddles" turned out to be a female elf.

Inspired by a true story that you told us about here not too long ago? Just with the druid recast as a hunter, and the jerk (forgot which class) recast as a mage.