What am I always doing wrong?... not a happy story...[Kinda]

[Celi]

Oh, he is well out of the picture. He forced me to choose between helping my parents care for my seriously disabled elder sister and him. He lost. The result wasn't good. I told him to go **** himself.

But thanks to him, I now have a very cynical approached that involves "ehh stuff them. Don't need them, don't want them."

[Moore]

There really should be some sort of club devoted to being single and "In no hurry".

[Felidire]

Don't worry Rot, I very rarely get offended. X3

I told him to go **** himself.

Unfortunately.. He probably could, considering that he can already bend far enough to shove his head up his own ass. >:3

I kinda know what you mean. I'd really love to find someone while i'm young, but sitting here right now, drinking and listening to my heavy metal; I realize that I feel so much happier single, alone and doing my own thing, than I ever did in any relationship. Finding the right someone would be awesome but if it doesn't happen, then it doesn't happen. I don't see how it holds us back from having a great life?

[Rottingham]

My Luck might be changing I'll let you guys know this weekend!

[Raederle]

Good luck Rot!

For what its worth I had a very serious lack of dating life in college and it sucked. It does get better though. Really.

[Rarako]

*makes a note to check for an update form Rottingham this weekend *

On the intimidating thing Rot, some girls are and some aren't. If they just brush it off (ignoring that you said anything or changing the subject quickly) they could just be nervous. If, on the other hand, they laugh at you or tell you off, they might just be jerks or unconcerned with others feelings and are better left to themselves. ^_^

*edit do the grammar fail.

[Heleos]

Bit late responding but I didnt mean "live life" as in go party and do illegal activities. That's actually just killing life, but to his their own I guess; Just for the record hehe.

Hope all is better friend.

[Rottingham]

AAAUUUGHGHGAUAUUGHH!!!

Instead of being better I'm just so confused now!

And i don't really know how to put this into words, so i won't for the time being...

However, thank you all for your cooperation and not telling me that What I'm doing is wrong/immoral/stupid! I love you guys

and I appologise for not postin for the longest times ever on any topic... It's just all confusing!!!

@Rae Thanks! I hope it does get better!

@Rarako I do find it slightly more offensive then just them being nervous. But then again I don't know much about girls so I don't know what's what

@Heleos I had a feeling, but thanks for clearifying

[Wark]

I think my "stop coughing, go sleep" drugs just kicked in, but that won't stop me from posting!

1. I'm close to declaring "nice" a non-descriptor. Some guys use it to mean they're laid-back and unaggressive, which is prized in a a few circles but widely reviled as unmasculine. Some use it to mean they're considerate, which is a great trait if you can find people who aren't looking for the bad boys. Some apparently misuse it to mean that they sit in their room, twiddling their thumbs and wondering why nobody has teleported into their bed yet. Too confusing, I hate using it now.

2. The secret I was let in on, courtesy one of my wiser friends who approaches love as an exercise in natural selection: "bad" boys are good for making babies. "Nice" boys are the ones you actually RAISE babies with. Definitely not an axiom of human interaction, but I'd vote to avoid the ladies with a long and fertile (hur hur) history of baby daddies and interpersonal drama.

3. Speaking of, that first chick, the one crying on your shoulder back when about her awful boyfriend she kept going back to? GO. LEAVE. GET AWAY. RUN LIKE THE WIND. If you ever find another chick you think you might like with similar patterns of "my boyfriend suckssss, ok time to go keep dating him," TREAT HER LIKE SHE'S MADE OF EXPLODING URANIUM. You can't force yourself not to have crushes, but you can sure as heck choose not to indulge them if sanity and logic indicate that they're completely toxic. That kind of dysfunctional, borderline-abusive pattern CAN be overcome... but not easily, probably not without some serious hard knocks, and absolutely, positively not without the person in question setting out to fix it all on their own. Be wary if they come to you acknowledging they're broken, and stay far away if they're still oblivious or uncaring.

4. There are many ways to improve your romance skills, and half of them you've probably never thought of. There's experience, which is obvious and invaluable if used right, but there's also older and wiser people who will sometimes share their experience; not to mention just getting out into the big wide world in unrelated ways will help. Basically: go live. If nothing else, you sure as heck won't be bored.

5. I don't know what your tolerance of "naughty" subject discussion is, let alone your experience. That said: Dan Savage's advice column, while often raunchy and very opinionated, has broken my worldview and put it back together again dozens of times, for the better. Good for learning just how weird and wide the world of romance is. (NSFW, NSFW, NSFW, possible NSFSanity at times, don't read it on a public computer if you can help it! Linkity!) If you need something less outrageous, reading nearly any other advice column is a good way to introduce yourself to the surprisingly common fears and follies of humans. I can't promise it directly helps, but I find comfort in knowing just how far "normal" stretches.

6. And about that experience thing? Don't fear it too hard. We insist on endings, so they're inevitable. And by the time you add up all the ripples, it's nearly impossible to declare anything "good" or "bad."

[Moore]

Should change it to "Good Guy" or "Bad Guy" type much easier than nice guy and bad guy. Anywho, I have a story I thought I'd share involving two bad guys:

There's a chick I knew I was friends with IRL, played Warcraft with, she relates this entire story to me via text. She was sitting in her house with her boyfriend, when Mr. Ex breaks into her house drunk and tells the new boyfriend something a long the lines of "I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't let me have her". Boyfriend responds: "YOU CAN HAVE HER MAN" and runs out the door. Apparently this ex stayed and shoved her around a bit and she called the cops and went through all that.

While she was texting me this I never felt so bad for her, however she's the type who gets involved with these dudes. I mean had I been there I probably would have, and I have before, kicked this guys ass up and down. But it's really her own fault, and she still hasn't actually broken out of the whole "Ilovepeoplewhotreatmelikeshit" cycle.

[Felidire]

Rot, girls are people, just like guys.. You'll get girls who totally act like your typical guy, and vice versa. It's not so much "understanding girls" as it is "understanding people," and people are generally very easy to understand. =P

"YOU CAN HAVE HER MAN" and runs out the door.

That's just wrong, talk about fail boyfriend... Well if you loved the person, you would put the drunk guy's head through a couple of windows before making sure he's lying face-upwards on the front lawn... I don't blame the guy for running off though, probably had no idea what he was getting himself into and shouldn't have to put up with things like that -- not if she's the one who chases after such guys in the first place.

That's a good story though, all guys are different and it goes to show that just because a guy is "nice" it doesn't necessarily mean that he's "right." (same for girls) The guy who ran off in the story might have been genuinely nice, just a complete wuss when it comes to being confronted by a drunken bodybuilder with a crowbar. xP

[Moore]

I can never resist myself a good fight, being medium height and stocky has its advantages, punches take awhile to hurt me and I can throw most people . If someone has a weapon and is threatening to hit me with it the first thing I say is "You had better hope your first hit knocks me out". Come to think of it this forum needs a manly man thread. Where we discuss manly things, that don't have to do with our things that define us as men.

also GL OP, Don't dwell on every woman who says no or one day you'll realize you wasted a shit load of time on nothing

[Worba]

2. The secret I was let in on, courtesy one of my wiser friends who approaches love as an exercise in natural selection: "bad" boys are good for making babies. "Nice" boys are the ones you actually RAISE babies with. Definitely not an axiom of human interaction, but I'd vote to avoid the ladies with a long and fertile (hur hur) history of baby daddies and interpersonal drama.

That raises a good point. Don't know enough about the first girl to say for sure but from what I've read she sounds like the kind who looks to guys like her boyfriend to have good times with, and keeps 1-2 guys like the OP (nice, sympathetic, patient, always there to lend an ear) around for times when she just wants a shoulder to cry on. E.g. exploitation.

And that's how it is in the early stages - later on, as Wark kind of touched on above, these types of girls will progress to having kids from boyfriends/husbands who didn't want a baby to cramp their style, and now in addition to seeking out nice, sympathetic men when they want a shoulder to cry on... they often will now also be looking for someone to be a father figure or co-parent to their unfortunate child(ren)... while they continue to pine away for the funboys.*

I very narrowly avoided a few of these kinds of landmines myself and I can say the best way to stay clear of this is to lay down some personal rules about what sort of relationships you will - and won't - engage in, and do it as soon as possible, because the longer you put up with exploitative mates the more you get used to that behavior. Bottom line: sometimes being single is better than the alternative.

*And ofc men can be just as exploitative, don't mean to make it sound otherwise...

[Felidire]

I can never resist myself a good fight, being medium height and stocky has its advantages, punches take awhile to hurt me and I can throw most people . If someone has a weapon and is threatening to hit me with it the first thing I say is "You had better hope your first hit knocks me out". Come to think of it this forum needs a manly man thread. Where we discuss manly things, that don't have to do with our things that define us as men.

I know what you mean, someone took a swing at me with a baseball bat a couple years back. I just walked over, stuck my left forearm up and punched him square in the nose at pretty much the exact same time that he hit me. He stumbled backwards, tripped up and then hit the back of his head on the corner of a swing set..

Then I stole his bat and ran home with it. xDD

[Rottingham]

Thanks again everyone for trying to help out! I'm sorry i haven't been on recently... Lot's of real life things going on that involve this and that are apart from this. I may not be back on for about another week or so due to some things going on. Just wanted to thank all of you again and enjoy your week off from me lol

[Miyon]

My dear Rottingham, this may very well be true, and usually is. You nice guys do finish last, but you also happen to be the ones the women turn to as soon as they realise that the badboys are a waste of time. The bad boys end up in jail or mental institutions, whereas you lovely, caring, nice guys tend to end up in loving relationships with the women of your dreams! It may take longer, but I suppose good things are worth waiting for, eh?

I was about to suggest looking into The Game when I came across this reply.

[Saturo]

Now I lost. :(

[Miyon]

Now I lost.

You lost? How and why?

[Saturo]

[...]The Game[...]

Now I lost. :(

[Miyon]

Huh, okay. x)
The Game is a good read anyway, entertaining to say the least.