Auri - a short story

[Nahale]

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[Nefretiti]

Glad I could help
I truely enjoyed the story and Shy just fits him really well .

[Bubbleme]

Wait, you have the same pet as me? And called him Shy? So did I! ^^ I tamed him back in ... vanilla I think. When he only spawned from a quest. Congrats on the tame, and now we have twin pets ^_^. Great story. Much longer than my short stories.

Tsami.
xx

[Airwyn]

Great story! I loved it!

[Nahale]

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[Bubbleme]

My Shy is actually a pretty confident sabre. As a best friend, as I've had her since I first did the quest, she's sat beside me for ages to comfort and support me. I've found that, even though I have Gondria, Skoll, Krush and Terrorpene, I just can't leave her and almost always have her out. That's why I've resorted to the rarest mount in the game to take my mind off it.

[Kylah]

I loved it!

Auri fits him so well, and I love the personality you gave her ^^ very well done!

[Nahale]

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[Lupis]

Very nice! Loved the story, and the goblins were hilarious.
For some reason, it makes me incredibly happy to read about a tauren again. I love tauren.

[Nahale]

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[Lupis]

Nothing wrong with a Winterspring tauren! There's a whole tribe (guild) of them on Wyrmrest!
I love Tauren culture. It can have surprising depth to it.

[Aeladrine]

Sounds good! One thing I would say is to use less parentheses at the beginning. While it's fine to use them in writing, you can still overuse them. For example:

" ...but Nahale preferred to call them Bignose, Fatlip, and Halfear (he was not overly fond of his green companions). " A semicolon wouldn've worked beautifully there. In fact, a sentence structure like that is exactly what a semicolon is for!(:
"...but Nahale preferred to call them Bignose, Fatlip, and Halfear; he was not overly fond of his green companions." And doesn't that look much better? You could even separate them into two sentences, should you prefer the chunkier feels parentheses give.

However, there was one place where you used those parentheses perfectly.

"As the goblins bantered about the new lady goblin who had arrived at Everlook ("You boys seen Tziki yet? Whoo, what a looker!"), Nahale withdrew to the confines of his mind." Here, the words inside the parentheses are background noise, but still important to the story. Them being in the parentheses lets us know that Nahale won't be interested in anything the goblins could possibly say to him. If he were a different person, a conversation like this would be a perfect stepping stone to him getting to know the goblins better. The fact that he doesn't take advantage of that lets us know a lot about him.

One other thing I would suggest is to make his thoughts about the past come a bit more naturally. At the moment they seem sudden and harsh; ease into them with things that remind Nahale of his family first. It doesn't have to be anything major; a warrior riding his mount down the path could be enough to set Nahale's mind to his father, which would easily lead him to his mother.

You also need to ease into the idea of murdering the goblins should they find oil. Again, it's too sudden. Nahale is too quick to decide that they would have to die. Instead, make him deliberate.

I hope I helped some!(:

[Nahale]

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[Aeladrine]

No problem! All I do is write, so I ought to be able to pick out things like that.(; Of course, then I go and use a semicolon instead of a comma in my own post. Doesn't do much for my credibility, does it?

[Nahale]

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[Aeladrine]

That would've been hilarious!(: