Jangalian wrote:I'm surprised that I'm the first one to bring this up, actually. Don't take this the wrong way guys, but I actually feel a bit better knowing that I'm not the only one that feels the way I do. Makes me feel less...ashamed about it I guess.
So, uh yeah. Depression sucks, and I'd like to do my part to help. Admitedly, that just means relaying my personal experience and what helped me. I hope you can find something from this that applies to you. I hope you get over this quickly and safely.
Around a year ago now, I left my hometown to go study high art at TAFE. Looking back, I was highly unprepared for it at the time, but anyway. The first few weeks were bliss, the campus I was at was fantastic and some of the best artists in the city were lecturing for me. I was also boarding with my Aunt, who was very supportive and patient. After the "blah" that was my secondary school experience, I finally felt like I was accomplishing something with my life.
But in order to get there, I had to leave behind everything I loved. I'm a socially awkward person, so I never really made friends while I was down there to replace those I had left behind. Also, I had not been away from home for more than two weeks before that time too. At around 6 weeks into the course (8 weeks since I left), I fell into a deep homesickness-related depression. It just got harder each day to get into class, once I got in there I buried myself in my work at the expense of everything else. Eventually I just couldn't get up.
By the 9 week margin, I was dangerously close to hurting myself. I wasn't suicidal thankfully, but I was gnawing at myself, worrying as the back of my hand with my teeth. In hindsight, I find it disturbing with how animalistic it was. But at the time it felt like the only way to escape, a way to release how I felt at the time. Thankfully at that point, I wisely got on a train back home to recover.
At the advice of my therapist back home, I dropped out of the course. I'm starting to make plans to go back, but it's just small baby steps at the moment. Even now, thinking back on my time there I get teary. It took a lot of time for me to stop beating myself up about the incident too. I felt that I had failed everyone, that I had put undue pressure on my poor Aunt (who has enough stress to deal with) and that I had wasted everyones time. But this stuff happens to everyone at some point. As shitty as I felt at the time, it's over now and I can learn from it.
So, here's a few tips I can pass that I hope will help you in some way.
- Find someone to talk about it to. The sooner the better. It can be with anyone, your local Psychologist, Doctor, friends or family, whomever you feel comfortable talking to. Getting your problems off your chest is the first step towards getting out of the depression pit. Personally, I feel the most comfortable speaking with someone I don't know personally.I had two fantastic Psychologists (one whilst I was studying and another once I returned home) who helped me in a lot of ways. I only wish I got talking to the Psych at the school sooner, maybe if I did I could have continued with my studies.
- Try to keep yourself social and active. I know it's hard when all you want to do is shut yourself away from the world, but going out with friends, family and people who care about you helps.
- If you every start having thoughts about self harm, seek out help! That is a dark, dark path and it is
so easy to slip into. Find a way to escape from that situation, whatever it may be. In the long run, your health is much more important.
And since we're on the topic of pills, let me end with my opinion on them.
Like you Jang I'm pretty wary of pills, although not for the same reason. My Mum is Shizophrenic (amongst many other medical woes), she keeps herself lucid by taking around 10 or so pills a day, each with their own nasty side effect. And she's been this way for as long as I can remember. Needless to say, I've never been fond of pills of any sort. It takes a lot for me to decide to take an asprin.
That said though, I do agree with what everyone else has been saying. Pills can help in the right situation, if perscribed by the right person.
Huh, never expected to spill so much of my life on a forum dedicated to World of Warcraft pets of all things. Well, anyway. I hope I helped in some small way. Keep at it, as bleak as things seem, it'll get better.
and yah not all doctors are that bad, just have to wade through the BS to get what u need. I still don't like doctors tho.
Never feel like u are 
) 
