Missing Truffles

[Rhyela]

Hi folks, I just need to write as a sort of self-therapy. Today, I gave my doggy up for adoption to a wonderful lady that fosters for the Pekingese Charitable Foundation. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. EVER. I've been crying all day.

I had Truffles for seven years, since she was eight weeks old. So why did I do this, you ask? Well, I did it because I felt it was best for her. It certainly wasn't best for me, considering what a wreck I am now. I bought her at a pet store (first mistake) not long after I moved out on my own. I was young, lonely and wanted a companion. I had had a pomeranian when I lived with my family, but she and my brother's pomeranian were really attached to one another and I couldn't bear to separate them. So, I bought Truffles.

I did a little research on the breed itself, and saw that they were good for apartment living. Unfortunately, I didn't do my homework on taking care of dogs in general. My parents aren't the best pet owners, sadly. They never abuse them or anything, but they would leave dogs outside, never take them to the vet, etc. They're unfortunately of the mind-set that they're just dumb animals. Well, my father especially. Of course, I don't feel the same way, which is why Truffles was an indoor dog. But that also meant that I was very ignorant on how to properly care for dogs.

I didn't know anything about socializing them to other dogs and people. I didn't know that they are pack animals and need a strong leader and near-constant companionship. I didn't know they needed very regular exercise. I figured it'd be just fine to leave her alone while I worked nine or more hours a day. I always gave her a lot of attention when I got home. What more did she need, right?

Wrong. Over-loving her like I did in the few hours a day I had with her led to separation anxiety. She became destructive very early on, but I never bothered to try to find out why. Plus, I lived in apartments most of my marriage, and didn't really care if the carpet had holes in it. The deposit covered it. So, I kept her and she continued to destroy everything.

We finally got a house about four years ago, and I didn't want to keep her in a bathroom (which is what I did in the apartments) while I was away anymore. So, I started leaving her in our office during the day. She had space, a comfy bed to lay on, a window.....but it still wasn't enough. Soon enough, we had gigantic holes in the carpet, through the padding and down to the cement below. She ate some of the padding (but I didn't know it) and started throwing up blue crap. I took her to the vet of course and they gave me some medicine, and I finally realized she had been eating carpet padding, so I put a big sheet of plastic over it so she couldn't get to it anymore. She only did it by the door. She also peed all over the place, too. Not her fault, of course. I can't hold my bladder for ten hours, either. Well, actually, it was more like sixteen hours. I was lazy. I didn't let her out before I went to work and neither did my husband. So, she was in there from the time we went to bed 'til the time I came home from work the next day. I was not responsible, I know that now.

Anyway, just a couple weeks ago, my grandmother called me and said she wants to help Jon and I get a brand-new house. I'd rather not go into the details of how she's doing it, but suffice it to say that we couldn't get it without her help. That left me with a problem. I had to get my house in condition to sell and fast. She paid hundreds of dollars to have our carpet re-done (the carpet and padding were completely rotted underneath where Truffles had peed, no matter how we shampooed the carpet) and our doors re-painted. We couldn't leave her in the office anymore, because we were afraid she'd just destroy stuff again and all my grandma's help would be wasted, so I started leaving her in our little laundry closet. I felt so guilty every time I closed the door on her.

So, I posted her for adoption on a website and this lady from the PCF called me and offered to take her in. I was all ready to do it, then I panicked a few days later and told her I was going to keep her after all. I couldn't bear to give her away. But then, I began to feel really selfish. How does Truffles feel? Does she really like being left in a laundry closet all day? I didn't have much choice, of course. I couldn't let her roam free around the house when we're trying to sell it and she digs carpet and scratches doors. I couldn't leave her outside during the day because she'd dig under the fence and escape (happened a few times, actually - thankfully she always just came to the front door wanting in). I didn't really have the time to try to cure her of her separation anxiety. I've had so much stress trying to get the house ready to sell. Plus, my husband and I are wanting to have a baby soon, and 1) Truffles doesn't like children and 2) that'd be even less time we'd have for her.

Then, just last week I started reading more about dogs and their behavior and personalities. The more I read, the worse I felt. I loved her so much, true enough, but I wasn't attending to her needs. I pretty much just gave her love, but none of the other things little doggies need. And sadly, in my current situation, I couldn't give her those things no matter how much I wanted to.

All in all, it just didn't seem fair to Truffles for me to hang on to her because I wanted to. So, I contacted the lady again, and said that I needed to give Truffles away because it was best for her. She needs someone that's home all day, like a retired couple. Tina (the lady), said that she will look for an older couple. I wasn't going to give her away if she was just going to end up in the same situation again.

I'm just so worried that she'll never be happy again without me, but then Tina sent me a text and said that Truffles has been following her husband all over and is laying at his feet. Ah, I just got another one that says she, Truffles, and their four other dogs are hitting the mattress for some quality time. So it sounds like she'll be okay. I don't think I'll be okay any time soon, I've been sobbing all day.

However, I am planning on adopting another adult cat from the shelter here soon, so at least I'll be saving a life. I need something, and cats are perfect for mine and my husband's life style. We go out a lot during the summer, camping and such. We work long hours. A dog just isn't the best pet choice for us. I wish I had known that years ago and saved a lot of heartache. Live and learn, I guess. This was just a very tough lesson to learn.

Never let it be said that I don't love that dog, though. She was my baby. Unfortunately, I think I just loved her too much and kept her much longer than I should have. I should have given her up for adoption years ago. I have known for years that she's lonely and bored when we're gone. I just couldn't let her go. I finally did, and I hope and pray she adjusts quickly and finds happiness in the arms of some older couple with all the time in the world.

I love dogs, I really do, I'm just not the right type of person to own one. If there was any way I could quit my job and spend all day with Truffles, I would have gladly done so. Sadly, the bills don't pay themselves and my husband doesn't make enough to support both of us. We can't even afford to have me working part-time.

I honestly did what I felt was best for her. For HER. Definitely not for me. I worry that some of you folks will accuse me of being a terrible person, and maybe I am (I certainly feel like one right now). However, I just want to say that my mistake was not that I let her go, it was that I didn't do enough research before I got her to make sure that I had the right type of environment to raise a dog in. She was an impulse buy, and shame on the pet store for not making sure she was going to the right type of home. I guess they just wanted their $1,600 (yeah, I spent that much on Truffles...yikes!). I can admit that I wasn't responsible at first and that her problems are my fault. However, I did try to make it right on my own first (started letting her out more often, walking her twice a day, etc.), but it still wasn't enough. She was still alone all day, and I couldn't live with myself knowing she wasn't as happy as she could be.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I may not have done right by her when I got her, but I tried to do right by her now by giving her to someone that can give her everything she wants and needs (though I miss her so, so much). I hope that's enough to atone.

I love you, Poopy (a silly nickname I gave her as a puppy).

[GormanGhaste]

Considering how little time you are able to devote to your pets, I would suggest adopting two cats instead of one. Most shelters have adults that were brought in together and should end up in the same home.

[Rhyela]

We already have one cat, I'm wanting to get another. This time, I've read up on how to introduce them properly and such.