Kitty woes

[Rhyela]

I'm new to multiple-cat ownership, so I'd like some advice/input. I got Skye about a month ago, and I tried introducing him to our resident cat, Mia, slowly. For the first week, he stayed in his room and she could only sniff him from under the door. A few days after that, I'd let them sniff each other through the door. We'd also let him run through the house while we put her inside his room. At the two week mark, he had gotten out on his own a couple times and ran into Mia, so I started letting him out when I was home. It wasn't too long after that they seemed to be getting much better. Well, I should say "she". He's friendly and playful. Anyway, they could be in the same room and even in close proximity without her growling and hissing. She's even chased him around the house (playfully) a couple times.

But now, it seems like all of a sudden she's gone back to hating him. Any time he approaches her, she goes back to growling and hissing. She scratched him on the nose today while we were gone. We left him out all night last night, and Jon said he only heard her hiss once or twice (I can sleep through anything).

Should we go back to putting him in his room during the day and at night, or is this pretty typical of cat behavior? It's only been a month, so I'm not sure if she should be totally accepting of him by now, or if it just takes a while. I know it can vary from cat to cat. Neither cat is hostile or vicious towards the other. He just wants to play with her, and she evidently doesn't like it. He'll eventually get the hint and leave her alone. For the most part, they avoid one another, but like I said, sometimes he just really wants to play and she wants nothing to do with him.

I'm just so afraid that she's going to be like this forever, and that I'll always worry about them tearing each other to bits while we're gone.

As far as Mia is concerned, she was the only cat for about three years, but shared the house with another dog. So yeah, she's used to being the only kitty. And if she ever saw a cat outside, she'd sit at the window and be all upset.

And as I type this, Skye just went up to the chair she was sitting on to try to bat at her, and now she's growling and hissing again. He turned and walked away. It's just strange seeing her be so mean. She's so sweet to us, and then it's like a completely different cat around him.

I wanted to do this the right way, and it seemed to be going well for a while, but now.....I don't know.

[Bonita]

We owned multiple cats for a while. We started out with our old tabby named Nelson. We found a kitten outside in the snow on christmas eve and we decided to keep her and my dad named her Fea (terrible name -_-) Those 2 got along instantly. Never had any problems. Couple years later I came home with a kitten. Nelson had no problems with the new member of our family. Fea on the other hand attacked him and stayed away from him. Eventually she got to be used to him and they would play, but occasionally she'd still randomly attack him if he got near her when she was grumpy.
It sounds like she's just like my Fea was. Imo if you're really really worried about what will happen while youre asleep/not around. Id keep them separate during those times.
Personally I'd like them settle it on their own. Eventually he'll learn not to harass her and it shouldn't really be a problem.

If thats confusing Im sorry xD Its really late and Im tired, but Im up practicing a song I have to sing tomorrow lol.

[Rhyela]

I'll try keeping them separate while we're at work or asleep, at least for a little while. The problem is that we're trying to sell our house, so he's bound to get out of his room while people are looking around. It's not necessarily that I think they're going to get in a serious fight, but I feel bad for her being so stressed all the time (well, she doesn't seem stressed as long as he keeps his distance, in fact she looks quite content). I think I need to get some more toys, too. We have a couple of catnip toys, but I think getting a cat tree and some more stuff might help when he's feeling playful. Like I said, once in a while she's receptive to playing and sometimes she even initiates it, but today she has been a crotchety little thing and wants nothing to do with him.

I just really don't want to have to give him back to the shelter. I already had to give my doggy away for several reasons (she is with a wonderful older lady now). I don't want to have to give Skye away, too. I really love him and he's helped fill the void my dog left behind. If I had to give away another pet now, I think it would devastate me.

[GormanGhaste]

It doesn't sound like either one of them is particularly stressed. She's just telling him to leave her alone sometimes, which is what you'd expect an older cat to do to a younger, more playful one.

[Rhyela]

What's odd is that technically she's the younger one, and he's older. But he still acts like a goofy kitten. So maybe it's a personality thing, then? At any rate, I was hoping they'd eventually play and sleep together. Maybe they still will.

[zedxrgal]

I've never heard of cats NOT hissing and arguing when being introduced to each other. This is common and separating them may not even help. It could even make her snit fits worse. She's the dominant cat and she knows it. He's younger mentally and may not have good kitty manners to other cats. A lot of rescue cats have this problem same with some rescue dogs. But it could be that she is also not knowing kitty manners to. Cats are solitary creatures by nature so you cannot blame her for not really wanting an exuberant new kid around. Try not to separate them and just give them time to work it out on their own. There is such a thing as to much human parent involvement. Granted if an actual fight breaks out yes step in and separate them. But other then that mini spats are very normal and need to happen.

[Rhyela]

Thank you Zed! I suppose many pet parents do what I do and worry too much. We want our "kids" to get along and play nice. But cats aren't humans, and they don't think like we do. I always feel sorry for him when she acts that way, and to him it's probably no big deal. He never seems phased by it, mostly just nonchalant.

I'll just keep hoping that she'll lighten up in a few months but if not, at least she tolerates him for the most part.

[Vephriel]

I agree with zed. I've owned multiple cats over the years, and each time we introduce a new one it's just a matter of letting them argue it out and then reach an understanding or at the least a truce. If they don't like each other they'll probably just keep to their own business, but eventually all of my cats have become buddies sooner or later. Granted I've only ever had male cats, so it's probably a bit different mixing genders, but I imagine given time they'll work out their own hierarchy.

[cowmuflage]

Our two cats Lucy and Minnie hiss and swip at each other one sec and are sniffing each others noses the next. I think they will work something out. I'm sure your older cat will show that shes the dominant one. They will get used to each other! Chin up old chap!

And if they want alone time I'm sure theres plenty of room for them!

[Finduilas]

I agree with most other people here. The cats will get it sorted out.
We have two females, our older one (Nala) was the only one for half a year, then we got our younger one (Flora). Nala was very pissed at us for getting a new cat and she was hissing and hitting Flora while Flora was a silly little girl and needed to understand when Nala wanted to keep her distance. They got used to each other after about 2 weeks and now we have them since over 1 1/2 year togher, but there are still days they chase each other and hiss. Flora regularely gets scratched on the nose because she still doesn't always accept when Nala is sleeping and wants to be left alone. It got a lot better with Nala's aggresive behavior at the beginning when we ignored the little one and told her she was the best and such things. She needed to be shown that we didn't exchange her and she was still our number one. To give Flora a way to control her energy better we play with her a lot more than with Nala (who really doesn't like playing much) especially in the evenings so she will be calmer during the night because she is exhausted after playing with us. It took almost half a year for both cats to get so used to each other they started grooming each other and sleep next to each other without hissing/fighting. I don't think we could seperate them again by now.
Cats need to sort out their differences alone, I don't think it will help putting one away, it will only postpone the fight. It's normal for cats to test their rank again every once in a while. So it might be they change positions they newer one to boss and the other way round. I think it's important to give each cat time alone with "her/his" human so they'll see they both get love. We play with Flora when Nala is sleeping or in the other room, Nala gets cuddles when Flora is sleeping. Also Flora is more like my cat and Nala more my fiance's. If you can see such a development it will help with giving each cat attention if they are drawn towards different people and won't be offended if you take care of only one of them as long as the other person gives his/her cat the same amount of attention.

Sorry if it sounds a bit confusing, but it's hard for me to explain such complex situations in English

[Nachtwulf]

Agreed. The longer you keep them separated, the longer it will take them to sort things out. The one being separated may also think you're punishing them for no reason.

Namecalling and yelling happen. I have five cats, and while I've separated new additions for a day or so when I first got them, it was more to make sure they were healthy than to avoid conflict. The only problems happen when one of them decides to get mad at YOU for the situation and starts doing things like anger-peeing on your bed or shoes or whatnot, in which case you have a problem. But as long as it doesn't escalate that far, the squabbling will eventually calm down. It usually takes a couple of weeks.

Hell, two of mine love each other dearly and run around the house playing, but it's interspersed with head chewing and all manner of squalling. It's just how they roll with each other.

[Rhyela]

Your explanation was actually very helpful, Finduilas! We still make sure to give lots of attention to Mia (the resident cat). She has always seemed to like my husband more anyway, which is why I wanted a kitty for myself. And Skye (the newer cat) definitely seems to like me more, so that worked out. I often will pet them at the same time as long as she's not hissing, to show that I love them both. I try to give her a little more attention when they're in the same room to affirm that she's still the queen, so to speak.

Hopefully things will settle down a bit. He hasn't gotten any fresh scratches lately, so maybe he's learning to keep his distance a little more. She doesn't mind him walking by her, as long as he's not walking to her.